Bittersweet Love

Chapter 19

Kendall's point of view:

I'm even more helpless than before. Until an hour ago, I had hoped that I just imagined … Well, now things look different. Jo is of the same opinion as me. She also noticed that Carlos behaves strangely lately. She said that I should talk to him. That's easier said than done. I mean, how do you start such a conversation?

Now I'm standing in front of the door of our apartment and enter. The first thing I notice is Logan sitting on the couch with Camille, James and Carlos. I smile and go to him. "Hey, Logan, are you feeling better? You really scared us," I say, patting him on the shoulder. He looks at me scrutinizingly. "If you're so worried about me, why didn't you stay here the whole time?"

I shrug. "Well, one of us had to tell Jo what happened." I sit down next to Carlos on the couch. Over the next few minutes, we talk about trivial stuff until Camille glances at the clock and then sighs. "I have to go now."

Logan's smile, which he had during our conversation, disappears. He looks at Camille wide-eyed. "Really?"

She nods. "Yes. Mrs. Knight told my dad what happened and that I'll come as soon as you feel better."

"And if you tell him that I'm still feeling bad?" Logan asks, not quite convincing, which makes James roll his eyes. Camille smiles slightly. "He would realize that I'm lying. But we will see each other tomorrow." She hugs him briefly and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Then she gets up. Logan looks anything but thrilled, yet he says, "Okay. I will call you later."

"I hope so," she says, winking at him. Logan smiles forcedly, but says nothing more. Camile waves to us and then leaves the apartment. Silence spreads. I clear my throat. "Um, where's my mom?"

James looks at me with a grin. "Because of this incident with Logan, she forgot to pick up Katie. She said we should get some food and take care of Logan."

"I'll get the food," Carlos says, jumping to his feet. That's the perfect opportunity. "I'll come with you," I say, standing up too. He looks a bit confused, but nods. James shrugs. "All right. Then I'll stay here and take care of Logan."

Logan rolls his eyes. Shaking my head, I follow Carlos out of the apartment and into the elevator. Before Carlos can press the button for the lobby, I press the button for the fifth floor. Confused, he looks at me. "Um, didn't we want to get something to eat?"

I nod. "Yes, soon."

The elevator stops on the fifth floor. Without saying anything, I walk down the hallway to the staircase that leads to the roof. When we arrive at the top, Carlos walks past me, leans his back against one of the chimneys and slides to the ground. I sit down next to him. How should I start now?

"You know it, Kendall. Right?" Carlos looks at me depressed and waits for an answer. I don't have to ask what he means. I nod. "Yes, I know it. And Jo knows it too."

Carlos nods and sighs. "Yes, I thought so."

"So is it true? You … you love Logan?"

He flinches slightly, hesitates and then nods. "Yes, it's true."

I take a deep breath. Carlos needs me now, that's all that matters. I put an arm around his shoulder. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

He looks at me with wide eyes as if he had expected everything, just not that. But gradually it seems to hit him that I'm serious. He breathes in and out shakily and then he tells me everything. I'm surprised to learn that it all started in Minnesota. Since Carlos saw Logan for the first time. At that time we were kids and it wasn't love yet. But Carlos had from the first moment developed a protector instinct for Logan, which in time became stronger and eventually turned into love.

"... and until a few weeks ago everything was okay. I just wanted Logan to be happy. Because as long as he was happy, I was happy too. And Camille was the one who made him happy. But … something has changed. It was no longer enough for me to see Logan happy. Because I wanted to be the one who makes him happy … I still want that. I can't get him out of my head anymore. And this jealousy, which I feel constantly lately, takes all my strength. I'm always angry and frustrated when I see Logan with Camille or when I see him crying because of her or her father. And at the same time, I'm always scared that someone will notice and tell Logan about it … I don't know what to do, Kendall." His head is now on my shoulder. "And then in the elevator …" Carlos mumbles softly to himself. A burst of energy passes through my body. "What happened in the elevator?"

Carlos looks at me and shrugs. "Logan was so panicked and scared. And then there was this moment … I comforted him and then we were so close … I stroked his hair and he allowed it. And then I bent over to him and he …"

"… backed away," I say. To my surprise, Carlos shakes his head. "No. He just sat there and looked at me …"

"And ... then?" I ask tense. Carlos shakes his head sadly. "Then the elevator started moving again. The doors opened and Camille was there." The last part of his sentence sounds bitter.

"But … why didn't you tell me that? I know you can't tell Logan and James, but you could have told me."

"Yeah, I … I was afraid that you didn't want to have anything to do with me or that you would tell Logan. After all, he's your best friend."

I shake my head. "Oh, Carlos, that's nonsense. That's what friends are for."

Hope appears on his face. "Then you will not tell Logan?"

I smile. "Of course not."

"What about Jo? Will she tell Camille?"

I shake my head. "Do you really think that Jo would do that?"

"No, not really."

It's quiet for a few seconds, then he says, "Thank you, Kendall. I think I really needed that."

I nod. "No problem, Carlitos. And from now on you don't have to go through the whole thing alone. Jo and I are here for you."

He beams and hugs me stormily. "Thank you, Kendall."

I have to laugh and return the hug. Then I get up and help Carlos to his feet. "Now, let's get some food. I'm sure the other two are waiting for us impatiently."

Carlos grins. "Yeah, not that they think something is going on between us."

Laughing, I go downstairs with Carlos.

"I'm first at the elevator," he announces, and starts running. I follow him with a smile. Now I really notice how much he has changed lately and how great it is to see him laughing and joking again.