Bittersweet Love

Chapter 29

Kendall's point of view:

I'm surprised when I see Carlos sitting on the couch. After all, it's in the middle of the night and I'm awake just because I'm thirsty. But the thirst disappears quickly when I notice that Carlos is crying. Worried I go over to him and sit next to him. "Carlos, what's wrong?"

He doesn't answer.

"Why are you crying?"

He looks up at me. There is sadness and determination in his face, which on the one hand fascinates me and on the other hand worries me. He takes a deep breath and then says in a halting voice, "Because I … Because I know my friendship with Logan will soon be over."

"What makes you think that?" I ask, confused.

"I've decided to tell him, Kendall. He should know it before it's too late."

"Too late?"

Carlos nods seriously. "First his panic attack in the elevator, and now he's in the hospital thanks to Mr. Roberts. Who knows what else will happen to him?"

Gradually I understand what he wants to say. "So you're afraid that something terrible will happen to him and he'll never know what you feel for him?"

He nods sadly.

"Well … If you are really sure that you want to do that then I'm definitely there for you and Jo too, of course. You don't have to go through this alone."

He smiles. "Thank you, Kendall."

I nod to him and it's quiet for a while. Then I ask curiously, "How and when do you want to tell him?"

He sighs and reaches for a few pages of paper lying on the table in front of him. I haven't noticed them yet. He holds them out to me. "Here."

I hesitate for a moment, then I take them and read. Meanwhile, Carlos watches me nervously. When I'm done, I ask, "When do you want to give him that?"

"As soon as possible."

Carlos's point of view:

We are back in the hospital. But this time only Kendall and me. Kendall nods to me encouragingly. "Remember, if he's awake, we'll do it another time."

I nod and take a deep breath before knocking on the door. No answer. Carefully I open the door, my heart is pounding like crazy and I'm feeling sick. Logan lies in bed and sleeps. I nod to Kendall and then enter the room. Logan has been here for almost a week now and the doctor says he can go home soon. Quietly I go to the bed and look at him. He looks so peaceful. My gaze wanders to a table with some bouquets and cards on it. Slowly I pull an envelope out of my pocket and put it on it. Then I look at Logan again. "Please," I whisper softly, "please don't hate me for that." I would like to touch him, but I resist that urge and go to the door. Once again I look at him, then I go out. Kendall comes to me. "And now?"

I sigh deeply. "Now we can only wait."

He nods, pats my shoulder and then we leave the hospital. Now fate will decide how to proceed.

Logan's point of view:

The pain in my shoulder wakes me up. As I rub the painful spot, I notice a white envelope that wasn't there before. I take it in the hand. No sender. I open it and find some written pages in it. The writing seems familiar to me. Curious, I begin to read:

Hey, Logan ...

I don't know how I should begin. This thing is incredibly difficult for me. Even harder than math. But I want you to know the truth. Even if I probably punish myself with it ...

Okay, here it comes ...

Logan, I love you.

No, that's not a joke. I know, I make a lot of jokes, but I'm serious now. And even if you don't want to continue reading now, I'll continue writing anyway. So that I can explain it to you ...

It started when we met for the first time. Do you remember? We were eight years old and had no idea what would happen to us later. Of course it wasn't love then. It was more of a kind of protective instinct. But that changed with the years. It became more serious when we were fourteen, but I just couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I didn't know why I always felt so strange when you laughed or why I was always in a bad mood when you were sad. I thought it was just because we were friends. It wasn't until we moved to Los Angeles that I understood it. But it was already too late, because you had met Camille. But that was okay for me. Because as long as you were happy, I was happy too. Well, at least in the beginning. Because over time you became more and more unhappy. And that changed me too. I became jealous. But this can't go on like this. I don't want to hate you or Camille. I just want you to be happy, Logan. Camille makes you happy and that's a good thing, because she really loves you.

I don't know what will happen now. I just wanted you to know. And if you continue to think that I'm just kidding, then talk to Kendall about it. I told him and Jo knows it too. I don't know what you'll do after reading this. But please don't hate me for it, Logan. I couldn't stand that. If you are angry or if you need some distance from me, I would understand that. But please don't start hating me.

I love you.

Carlos