Bloodlust || m.yoongi

hello again

hello. im going to keep this as short as i can because i don't want to start rambling and giving excuses to where i've been when you all have been waiting for my return.

its been nearly 9 months since i left on hiatus, and honestly, i haven't written anything. other than theme paragraphs and rhetorical precis and history leq's and saq's about the mongols and gunpowder empires and ap biology short answers and essays about the evolution of eukaryotes and signaling transduction pathways, my creative writing has nearly disappeared. i haven't lost a single bit of my ideas or my fantasies, but i've rarely ever put them down on paper or in a word processor anymore. i still love writing very much, but not only have i lost lots of my free time, i don't feel worthy of it anymore. 

back when i was still starting on this platform, i wrote my first fic because i had ideas and wasn't scared to write whatever i wanted. but the first thing i wrote was nearly 2 years ago in may of 2017. i didn't feel pressured to dish out high-quality writing that i was incapable of because in truth, not many people read my work. but now that i've amassed about 100 followers and 16k reads on this story(which i am extremely thankful for; i love u guys), i feel the need to dish out chapters that are at least 1000 words that are quality sentences that actually mean things. i could hate nothing more than write filler chapters that do nothing to progress the plot. 

as i began considering writing again, every time i sit and type, i hate what comes out of it. 

i know i promised to return soon, and i really wish i could make good on that promise, but honestly, i don't know if i have it in me as of now. 2019 has been very rough on me, throwing obstacle after obstacle at me and again my mental health has not improved whatsoever, if not in fact it actually got worse. i've lost motivation to do many things that i previously loved to do, writing included.

i returned to this platform for the first time in a couple of months, and to be honest, i miss it. however, this story is one that i feel i've lost the passion for, which was evident to me when i grew out of bts and ultimately kpop. i felt drawn back here because this is my first story that got big that i actually enjoyed and thought was pretty good, and i really do wish to finish it--i just don't know if i can, though i will try. 

i wanted to start writing again because i got back into one piece, and wanted to write about it again, just as i wrote about it in the first fic i ever wrote.

i've gone through a lot of bad decisions and times this year, and i don't want to put myself in situations where i don't feel happy anymore. while making people happy is something i want to do, namely finishing this story, if i find myself feeling forced to write something i know i won't like, i will not do it.

i'm sorry this sounds selfish, but i want to start recognizing my self-worth and realizing that not everything i do has to be for the sake of others. and if writing for myself and only myself is what i have to do, then so be it.

however. i owe a lot to you guys, and i feel the least i can do is provide at least some closure to this story. therefore, i will attempt to finish this story and write as much as i can, but should i become unable to enjoy writing this story, i will update this and explain what i had planned to happen and how it was supposed to end, which hopefully will not happen.

i had hoped to keep this shorter than this, but i have already omitted as much as i could in order to make it not sound like a pity party. regardless, if you made it this far, thank you for sticking with me. its been a long time since this story was updated, and you probably clicked thinking and hoping this was an update to the actual story, and for that, i apologize. 

i am not officially off hiatus, nor am i sure of my plans on wattpad for the near future, but hopefully you guys will still be around. thank you so much for all your support over the last year, which for i truly am indebted to you. i hope to finish chapter 11 soon, though i can make no guarantees, and continue this story as best i can. your support means everything to me, and i say this all the time but mean it with all my heart;

thank you.

yours,

jessie