A story in which Jeon Jungkook grew up in a household without love and support. Learnt to hide under a mask all his life with many insecurities, he never knew what love was. Until he met you. Every night he secretly meets you in a field of flowers m...
~It's my fate Don't smile on me, light on me Because I can't come to you there's no name you can call me~
Jungkook POV
I slowly make my way home after my terrifying first day of school. That guy nearly revealed my face to everyone. Everything would have been a disaster if he did. But you, Sooyun, saved me. A smile unknowing spreads across my face at the thought of you. You look so beautiful. Your so kind. You stuck up for me, no one has ever done that before. Not even my mum.
I walk inside the house and mak my way to the dining table. I drop my bag down on the chair beside me and rest my head on my hand with my elbow on the table. I take my mask off with my other hand and lay it beside me on the table. I think about you. Your smile. Your eyes. Your skin. Your lips. The way you were trying to observe my features behind my mask.
"Well...what was school like?" My thoughts are interrupted when my mum comes into the room and stands at the other side of the table. She looks at me without any emotion or affection.
"It was fine....I guess" I say quietly. "I met...a girl." My cheeks heat up just at the mention of you.
"A girl?" My mum repeats. I slowly nod. My mum puts a hand on the table and leans forward. "And do you possibly...like this girl?" I can't tell where she was going with this. Her facial expression is hard to read.
"I...umm...m-maybe..."
"And do you think she will ever like you?" My mum snaps. I'm taken aback at her question but at the same time what else should I have been expecting. "I...I don't know...I mean...maybe...I-"
"Look in the mirror!" My mum yells at me. "Do you think any girl will ever like someone who hides behind a mask?"
I look down as tears start to run down my cheeks. "No" I mumble and shake my head. You may say my mum is cruel for saying something like that to me but she isn't. She's only reminding me of the truth. So I don't get my hopes up.
"Do you think anyone will ever like someone like you?" My mum continues to question me as I stare down trying to contain myself. "No one will love you and no one can ever love someone like you! All you do is ruin people lives as well as your own. It was your fault your father left us! And now you have to hide for the rest of your life unless you want the others around you to leave you as well!"
"But...But Eomma...why did Appa leave?" I say through my tears and finally look up at her. She has never told me why no matter how much I ask her. She just always tells me it was my fault. Because everything is my fault. "What did I do? Was Appa ashamed of me? Was I mistake? Did he not want me?" I cry.
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"Because your pathetic and not worth raising!" My mum shouts at me with pure rage and hatred. My tears run down my face faster.
That hurts. A lot.
But then again I'm use to it. I hear this everyday and I have been for my entire life but it still hurts! Why! Why am I like this! Why am I pathetic and not worth raising!
"If you don't want me, then why can't you just send me to a foster care and let someone else adopt me?"
I half expected to be yelled at immediately. But instead my mum stays silent. She puts a hand on the table and leans closer to me. She's fuming and filled with hatred but empty with love. Instead of screaming she speaks to me softly but harshly. "Who would want to adopt someone like you?"
And with that she leaves the room leaving me in tears. I stand up and run to my room. I slam the door behind me and lean my back against it. I cry to myself as I slowly slide my back down the door.
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Eomma's right. She's always right. I don't know why I keep thinking I will ever get love from someone. I don't deserve love and I can't be loved. That's just the way I am. I don't know why but it is.
I didn't stop my tears from running down and let myself drown in my own cries. Why did I have to be this way? Why was I like this? All I want is to feel what love is. But I can never. Since no one can love someone like me. And if someone ever did...they will just leave me in the end. Because that is my destiny.
