Little Do You Know....

A/N

Hello humans! Sorry I haven't put out an chapter in almost an month, I've been busy with shiz. I also need to rant a bit so if y'all don't mind I shall just talk(type??) ok.

Tomorrow there's a band concert that I'm doing for school and I have to we're an dress and look fancy(yay...). I also have homework next week and it's the last full week of school before Christmas break. My brother has been an royal pain in the butt all week and threw something that's mine off the wall and took the thumbtack that held it there. I'm anxious and stressed and keep having self deprecating thoughts.

What's new.

At school we're learning an new unit that's supposed to take two weeks to cover but we're covering it in one. Life's been an bitch and an strait ass of an human keeps flirting with one of my gay children who is clearly not interested in him. The world feels like it's gonna fall apart. Life sucks. I can't say anything around my siblings without them talking to my like I'm stupid, or telling me to stop joking even tho they don't know if I'm not. I can't be mad or sad without anyone questioning it while my brothers can. I want to hide in my corner of sadness but I can't.

What's new girly. They'll never understand even if you try to explain they all think you're stupid and have no feelings.
They say their sorry but there not.
They make jokes and say everything is alright but it's not for you.
It's never going to be 'alright'.

They tell me to shut up and stop talking when I need to just speak and use my voice, but when they want me to speak they think they have control over me. I try to keep my mouth shut to keep from being an nuisance and an disappointment but that's all I can be. They've drilled it into me without knowing it or the pain it's caused. They ask if I'm okay and I debate to tell the truth or say I'm fine. I've been told to stop talking and not to use my voice by boys since I was little. I've been told that I can't sing but I only rely on my voice when I'm singing because it's all I have left of myself that isn't broken. I was told on the bus that I couldn't sing and I then responded with
"Nothing I haven't heard before".

They take away your voice and try to steal your strength then break you till you only feel sorry for doing everything as that is your fault.
They knock down the walls you built and then force you to speak when you only wish to not be seen as a worthless being that's in the way.

They feed lies into me and make me believe there true. And maybe that's why I don't like myself, why I wish the world could stay put so I could block out the toxic people, why I feel the need to sing so I could cope with everything, why I sit there quietly and don't speak or participate so I won't mess everything up like I always do, why I keep to myself more than I should, why I smile and joke around and laugh so they don't send something being wrong, and why even tho I have many friends, I say is don't have many because I don't know who is real and who is there for my happiness only and not all of me. My friends I try to keep close but I feel so distant because I'm so scared they will turn on me and use me and lie to me like some people have done to me.

      (Sorry rant over)

Yeah my mind raced a bit there. Life has not been kind to me in the past long time. I put an quote on the top for y'all to read. I've found many quotes yesterday and took screenshots of them all. I'll put some of them here

I hope y'all like these quotes an—

And that people from school don't see this because I don't wish to die.

Oh shut it. Anyway, sorry for the angsty rant, I grabbed an taki and had the dust on my hand than rubbed my eye, I then proceeded to cry because it hurt like the blazes of hell.

Aren't you gonna introduce me to the viewers?

Nah, we'll do that later, I have stuff to do anyway, do you wanna do the outro?

Finally.
Have an good day/night guys, gals and non-binary pals... PEACE OUT!!!
Did I do well?

You did good, now to contemplate life, or text my friend, I'll decide in the kitchen.

Can I come along?

Sure, we'll text my friend and eat some food.

Bye bye!
Bye bye!