Playing With Fire

Chapter 35 - Falling In Love

The next few weeks, they fell into a comfortable routine. Shahru told her he couldn't make her any promises and that he couldn't let them get too close, but the way she saw it, they couldn't get much closer than they were. They each worked their jobs during the day. In the evening he usually came to her house. They'd eat out some nights and others they'd stay in. He'd work in his workroom downstairs if he got home before her, and she'd stop to get him on her way in. Shahru never actually let her in the room, but no matter what he'd been doing in there, he always came upstairs with her when she knocked.

They rented movies, talked, laughed, made love. Each and every time they were together was better than the last. Sometimes they were fast ... urgent, while others he made love to her slowly, making her feel like the most worshiped woman in the world. Most nights he stayed over, but others he pulled himself away. She knew that was exactly what he was doing, trying to keep his distance every now and again so she wouldn't think their situation could be permanent. Maybe so he wouldn't see their situation as permanent, either. A little late for that as far as she was concerned. Did he not see the commitment that had grown between them the past few weeks? Did he not see they were in a relationship, an extremely intimate relationship on more levels than just physically?

Didn't he see she was in love with him?

Which was probably the last thing he wanted from her. He'd given his love to Juhi all those years ago and now, because of the way things had ended, because of the things he'd done, he wouldn't give that gift to anyone else. Did he still love Juhi? Kajol tried to quiet the question that ran through her head. Maybe that had been what he was really trying to tell her all along. No, she didn't think so. Of course she'd been wrong before, but sometimes the way he looked at her, the intimacy, the struggle that she saw in his eyes, made her think maybe he could, or did love her too.

And for the first time she admitted to herself she wanted nothing more in this world than Shahru's love. He gave her so much without trying yet didn't see it. He only saw his past, his mistakes, his pain and the pain he'd caused. Shahru didn't see the good in himself. The strength she believed would keep him sober.

For now, she believed enough for the both of them.

Kajol got her head back into the game when she heard Rekha walk into the room. They'd been working like crazy on the Winter Fair. Every night this week she'd worked late with Rekha or the kids. They received numerous donations plus a group of the kids and parents who would donate their time and hard work, offering side jobs for donation prizes.

And Shahru—she still couldn't believe he'd offered a few odd jobs himself. For the kids, rightly so, they all offered small jobs that would only take a couple hours out of their time. But Shahru—he offered real work, work that was his livelihood. A lesser man wouldn't give it away for free, which was basically what he did. Whatever money citizens spent on his raffle prizes would go straight into the community center. He would never see a dime of it, yet he offered them with a smile.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Kajol snapped her head toward Rekha. "What? Who?" Was she really that obvious?

Rekha smiled. "Don't you, What, who me?', young lady. I'm sixty-two years old. I know what it means when a woman walks around dreamy-eyed and sighing for no good reason."

Heat singed her cheeks. "I was sighing?"

"For two weeks now."

Kajol plopped down in the chair. "Yeah. I'm falling in love with him."

"Why do you sound so unsure about what you're feeling? Love's a good thing, right?
I mean, I've seen the way that man of yours looks at you. The feeling is definitely mutual."

Her heart twittered. Kajol let out a deep breath to calm herself. She didn't need to start getting ahead of herself. Rekha, after all, didn't know Shahru's past. She didn't understand. "It's um ... difficult. I can't really say anything more than that." She would never betray his trust for anyone. Not even Pri. She hadn't told her a word of what Shahru told her about his family, himself, or about Juhi.

Rekha patted her hand and looked at her the way she always wished her own mother would: with caring, understanding and respect.

"It always is, sugar. With the good ones, it always is."

* * **

Shahru stood behind the little makeshift stage he'd built for Angel's skit and watched her. Everything about her got to him. She'd crawled under his skin and taken up residency there. When he was away from her, hunger itched in him to see her again. When he was with her he wanted his hands on her all the time, but he was also content just to be by her, if that made any sense. Right now he watched her in awe. With pride. She'd worked so damn hard on this fair—part of it, he knew, to stick it to her mum—but mostly she did it because that was the way she was. She cared wholeheartedly about these children, the center, and about doing anything she could to make their lives better.

She flittered across the stage, excitement pouring out of her in waves that he could
practically see while she instructed the kids on what to do. Their show would start soon. The kids and Angel knew the whole damn thing backward and forward, yet she still stood there working her butt off, wanting to make it perfect. She was perfect. Too damn good for him, but by some crazy miracle she didn't see that, and he didn't have the selflessness to continue pushing the issue.

For the next however long he watched her prepare and thought about the weekend
ahead of them. He'd rented a cabin for them higher up in the hillside. Of course he hadn't told her about it yet. It was a bad idea. He'd known that from the start, but he rented it anyway, then kept his mouth shut in case he changed his mind about going.
Damn, he was such a loser. What man wouldn't want to spend a secluded weekend in a cabin with a woman like Angel? Well, scratch that, he did want to, but how many men would second-guess that. He had a feeling not many.

Being sure to take precautions, he did pack her a small bag, bought her a new toothbrush and some of the special soap she always used. Other than that he had no clue what the hell to pack for a woman, so she'd have to make do. If they went, that was. Yeah, right. Like I'm not going to go.

Before he knew it she bounded toward him. "It's time! Oh, I hope this goes well, Shahru. These kids worked so hard."

Unable to stop himself he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. She wrapped hers around his back. Being so much shorter than he, Shahru rested his chin on top of her head. "You worked hard too, Angel. It will be perfect. Don't let yourself stress about it."

Angel buried her face into his chest and inhaled. For some reason the simple act set
him on fire.

"You smell so good. So rugged. It relaxes me."

Shahru tried to laugh it off, like her words didn't affect him. "You're a weird one." He
pulled her away and kissed her swiftly. "Now go out there and knock 'em dead."

She looked up at him and smiled, almost knocking him off his damn feet. Yeah, they'd be going away tonight, and it would be a miracle if he could make himself bring her back.