Playing With Fire

Chapter 50 - I Never Left

"Then don't. This is my life, and I will live it how I please. If you don't like it, don't be involved. It's that easy! I refuse to take crap from any of you again. I'm sick of being treated as if my feelings don't matter, as if there is something wrong with me. You've tried to mould me into the person you want me to be, and I'm done with it. I'm not that person."

"Who are you? Angel? Did he make you believe you're someone else? You'll always be Kajol Mukherjee." Again it was her father who yelled at her.

"I'm Angel and Kajol. I'm the girl who grew up on the house on the hill, and I'm the girl who loves her cozy little apartment now. I'm the ex-law student who wants nothing to do with the law. I'm the woman who would rather be dealing with a broken heart right now from a man who at one time treated me with more respect and love than I've never experienced rather than being engaged or married to a man I could never love. I'm just me, Papa. I'm tired of pretending otherwise."

"That evil man brainwashed you!"

"Stop it, Mother. This has nothing to do with Shahru and everything to do with me. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Until you can respect me and my feelings, I don't want to see either of you again."

For a brief second, Kajol thought she saw a brief flash of respect in her mother's eyes, but a flash was all it was. Her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned. "Goodbye, Kajol."

Without another word her mother and father walked out of her apartment. Seemed as if there was a lot of that going on with her lately, although this one didn't hurt nearly as bad as it did when Shahru did the walking.

Kajol was more proud of herself than she'd ever been in her life. She loved her parents and hoped they could find a way to meet in the middle, but she refused to let anyone treat her with anything less than what she deserved.

Oh God! Why had this never hit her before? She was just like Shahru. Before him she hadn't thought herself worthy of everything she wanted. That was why she folded so easily, that was why she let her parents run her life. She'd settled instead of seeing herself worth fighting for. She was worth fighting for.

So was Shahru.

Kajol ran into her bedroom and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. She slipped her already socked feet into a pair of tennis shoes. The cabin was the only place she could think to look. He would be there. He had to. He might be willing to throw in the towel, but she wasn't. Forgoing a jacket, Kajol raced out her front door determined to find her man. She didn't make it far. A familiar-smelling wall of flannel and masculinity stopped her.

She had her face buried right in Shahru's chest.

"Where are you going in such a hurry, Angel?"

Good God, she almost melted into the carpeted hallway at just the sound of his raspy voice. It was as if she hadn't heard him speak to her in months rather than a little over twenty-four hours. He'd come back. Why, she didn't know—to tell her to piss off? To explain himself? All she knew was he was here, and her heart thumped joyously. "To find you."

"Where did you figure you'd do that?"

His hand came up to brush her cheek. The tender touch almost made her forget what she'd been through since he left. Almost. Kajol backed away. "I planned on going to the cabin. If you weren't there I don't know where I could have gone next. You left me, Shahru." Her voice cracked like her heart had done since he left.

"Let's go inside, baby. I need to talk to you."

Kajol led the way into her apartment, letting Shahru close the door behind them. She was a melting pot of emotions, happy he was back, scared at what he would say, angry he left in the first place. "I'm angry. You had no right to walk out on me like that. The only way we have a chance at making this work, if you even want it to work, is if we're completely honest with each other. It's not just you, me too, Shahru. I've—"
"Shh, let me go first. I need to get this out."

Before her legs gave out on her Kajol went and sat on her couch. She wanted to tell him right now she loved him, that they were both worthy of making this thing between them work, but she stayed quiet, needing to hear what he had to say too. He owed her an explanation after the way he left her. If she wanted to change her life, she had to start by not allowing anyone walk on her, even Shahru.

"I didn't leave you, Angel. I know it probably felt like that, but I knew if I didn't go right then, I might never do it."

"Where did you go?" Her heart pounded harder than was probably healthy.

"To see Juhi."

Curiosity burned her through her body. Oh no, did he go back to her because he realized he still loved her? What happened when they talked? The pounding in her ears almost blocked out his words. After all of this she couldn't lose him. No, she wouldn't lose him. "Shahru—"