Playing With Fire

Chapter 24 - What I want

His words hit her right in her belly, making the tingle there flood south. Hearing what he wanted to do to her hit her with almost as much sexual force as when he'd kissed her, as when he'd touched her. "Why not?" She couldn't believe she'd just asked him that, but she needed to know. Grab life by the horns, grab life by the horns, she repeated to herself.

"I want you too, Shahru. I've never wanted a man the way I want you." Her words shocked her. She should feel more embarrassment than she did, but right now embarrassment didn't matter. She wanted him. She wanted what he'd just told her. Her ex-fiancé had never wanted her like that, yet he had wanted it with another woman. That hurt more than she wanted to admit, even though she didn't love him. It was just another instance where she wasn't good enough. But for some reason it would hurt more for Shahru not to want her. This near-stranger triggered emotions in her body a man she had wanted to marry had never came close to.

Shahru didn't reply at first. Kajol's breathing vibrated her chest—in and out with deep, heavy breaths. Her words shocked him just as much as they had her. The stiffness in his body and the depth of his stare told her that.

"Angel." Shahru closed his eyes as if in deep thought—or maybe he had to try and settle himself—she couldn't tell. He pinched the bridge of his nose and waited. Finally he opened his eyes and spoke to her again. "You're too good for me."

"Don't give me that. Money doesn't mean a thing, and like I said before, I'm not asking to marry you. I just don't see why you're pushing me away."

"I'm not talking about money. When I have sex with a woman, It's just that. Sex. Nothing else. You don't really want me."

"Don't tell me what I want! I'm sick of it!" A wave of nausea rolled through her. She hated confrontation, but right now she couldn't make herself stay quiet. Something about Shahru made her feel comfortable enough she could say what was on her mind.

"I don't have anything to give."

"That's funny, because the past few days you've given me a lot. All I'm asking for is your friendship and honesty, Shahru. I just got out of a relationship. I don't want you to think that is what I'm asking for. Can't we just take this one day at a time? Be friends and just take it from there? If we succumb to this ... attraction between us, that's all it will be. I'm not looking for anything more than that, either."

"Friendship is all I can give."

Even though she wanted him, even though he attracted her in ways she'd never experienced before, friendship meant more to her than that. Right now, she needed a friend. "Then that's what I'll take. One day at a time?" she asked.

Shahru exhaled a deep breath. "That's the story of my life, Angel. I'm always taking it one day at a time."

They were quiet the whole ride to her parent's house. He still couldn't believe he hadn't just told her goodbye tonight. He knew it would be hell to keep his hands off her, especially after her confession earlier. She admitted she wanted him. Wanted him more than any other man she'd wanted in her life. He knew she hadn't slept with Amir. She'd made that pretty obvious, but there had to have been other guys in her past. Hearing she wanted him above them all sent a rush of lust and pride through his body.

Then it had been dowsed out with a quick dose of reality. He was a fake. An asshole even worse than her ex, yet he didn't tell her. He continued to spend time with her, agreed to take this all one day at a time when he knew, if she knew the truth, she rightfully wouldn't want a damn thing to do with him. Selfish. That's the only word to describe him. A selfish, cheating, alcoholic prick who pretended to be something he wasn't.

A good guy.

And he did it all, because no matter what he'd told her earlier about all he could give her, he wanted to give her more. Shahru wanted her just as equally as she wanted him. His desire for Angel left what he'd felt for other women in the dust. Not only that but he liked her, liked spending time with her. And how did he repay her? By lying his ass off and letting her believe he was some great guy who had her best interests at heart.

Like he'd told her, he was a damn good actor. He did it every day of his life, even when he looked in the mirror. He pretended the fun-loving part of his personality was the real him rather than face the truth. Now he dragged her into the whole damn thing, because he didn't want to tell her goodbye yet.

Now he had to play his act even more, pretend to be the caring boyfriend again, this time in front of her mother and her father. He wanted to believe he did that for her but he didn't. It all went back to his selfish bastard tendencies. He agreed because he wanted to touch her without having to admit it was really him and not the role. He wanted to feel what it would be like to call her his even if it was just a damn game. That was the safest way.
In some ways, he hoped her prick of an ex was there so he could stake claim in front of him, even though in reality, Angel was anything but his. She'd never be his, but that didn't stop him from wanting to be sure she would never be Amir's again. The guy was a snake. Shahru saw that in his beady little eyes. The guy wanted her name behind him, not Angel by his side. Her mother thought he wanted her money, but was blind to the fact that Amir—though he had money himself—would always want more. It would look damn good for him to have her on his arm, and that's what he wanted. That and the firm.

The greedy little bastard would get the firm whether or not he got Angel. Shahru had no doubt about that. He doubted Angel did, either. He felt bad for her for that. She'd been dealt a crappy hand when it came to parents. Just like he had been when it came to who his father was.

A few minutes later, they pulled into the circular driveway of her parents. mini- mansion. Just looking at the place made him feel like more of an ass for even being here.
"Nice place," he said, trying to make her feel comfortable when they parked.

"It's lonely. I hated growing up in this house."

The sadness in her spoke volumes. He had a way of seeing what people were saying without them saying it. Probably had to do with the fact that in his sobriety he worked so much harder to pay attention, to analyze, because for a while there he hadn't been able to do either very well. Too much alcohol could do that to a person. Her parents neglected her, left her on her own in their big fancy house, too busy to pay much attention to the daughter they'd brought into the world. Kind of like his own father, except their trailer had been a whole hell of a lot smaller, and Shahrukh senior had still found a way to ignore his own son unless he wanted to yell at him. And of course he doubted her parents had been trashed like his dad always was.

"We don't have to do this, you know. Blame it on me. Tell them we fought, or I was being an ass. If you don't want to be here, we won't." Shahru had to make the offer. The last thing he wanted was for her to be uncomfortable. Her parents could kiss his ass as far as he was concerned.

"Too late." Angel looked toward the door, and he saw her sour-faced, too-thin mother there staring them down.

"You sure? I'd love to see the look on her face if I peeled out in her driveway and left her standing there."

Just as he hoped, she gave him a light laugh. "I'm sure, Shahru. Thanks for the offer, though."

"Damn. Sounded like a whole lot of fun to me." Even though it meant he'd have no reason to play the boyfriend role tonight, he meant it.