Ignited ✔️

2:2

-RIVER-

She left me. I couldn't believe she had just up and left. She didn't say goodbye or anything. I knew I fucked up but I thought she would give me a chance to explain everything.

She ran away from me and I don't blame her. She's only been gone a week and I haven't left my apartment. I've been drowning myself in my dads scotch and getting high off whatever shit I could get my hands on.

I needed to ease the pain, I needed to feel numb. Because when I wasn't all I could feel was my heart shattering all over again.

Emery ruined me, but she ruined me in the best way, she broke me and tore me down and pulled me out of the darkness and into the light. Even when I didn't ask her too. I was an asshole to her and she still believed in me.

"You act like this big bad guy but I think deep down, you're actually really sweet and kind. You've never given me a reason to be scared of you."

She may not be scared of me but she sure fucking hates me.

I don't know why I let myself get in so deep. I don't know why I let myself love her. At this point I'd do anything to have her love me.

My phone ringing pulls me out of my depressed state and I hit the ignore button when I don't see her name flashing across my screen.

She's not going to call you.

I don't know why she would. I haven't even tried to call her yet. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I scroll through my contacts until I find her. I hesitate and my thumb hovers over the call button.

I can't do this

I let out a breath and shut my screen off before tossing my phone on the couch next to me.

I push my fingers through my greasy hair and rub my palms down my face before leaning my head back on the couch.

This fucking sucks.

The shuffling of feet by the front door cause my head to shoot up and my hand to shoot out with my glock.

"Dude What the fuck!" Carter shouts as he rounds the corner.

I let out a breath and drop my gun on the couch, but keep my hand wrapped around it.

"You really need to stop swinging that thing round when you're stoned River. One day you'll end up shooting someone or something"

"If I'm lucky it'll be myself" I mumble to him as he takes a seat on the chair.

It would be so easy to bite a bullet.

"River you need to stop moping. You aren't doing shit to try and get her back so you have no right to be pissed at her."

"I'm not pissed at her!" I snap. "I'm pissed at myself for getting so involved with her. I actually fell in love with her Carter. It wasn't a fucking game for me."

He looks at me hesitantly before he speaks again.

"Have you tried to call her? Or even find her?"

I felt a stab in my heart and more pieces break off.

"She wouldn't answer even if I did." I whisper

"You don't know that, maybe she-"

"Yes I do! She fucking hates me! She wouldn't give me a spare glance." I shout.

I let out a breath and slump my shoulders.

"I don't deserve it, I don't deserve her. She fucking ran away from me, she hates me so much she left"