Ignited ✔️

2:5

My head was pounding as I try to open my eyes. My body aches and I couldn't remember anything.

I groan as I try to sit up. I glance at the sensitive spot on my wrist and see a huge purple bruise formed. I wince as I reach out to touch it.

"What the hell happened to me?" I mumble

My door creaks open and lets a stream of light into the dark room. The smell I had grown to love lingered around me and it was only then I realized I was wearing his hoodie.

"Hey princess" he says in a near whisper.

My heart stopped beating in my chest. He couldn't be here.

"R-River?" I glance at the figure as he makes his way across the room.

He slides the curtains back slightly letting some light in the room before returning to shut the door.

He doesn't move toward the bed like I expect him too. He just stands by the bedroom door with his hands stuffed into his sweatpants pockets.

He refuses to make eye contact with me.

"How are you feeling?" He mutters out.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, avoiding his question.

He's silent for a brief moment before he hesitantly drags his eyes up to meet mine.

"I was in the area and-"

"Bullshit" I spit.

He winces and his shoulders slacken slightly.

"Don't lie to me River. Not anymore. If you're going to lie just get the hell out of my face"

The emotion that swarmed in his eyes wrenched my heart. I couldn't help that my soul and my heart belonged to him. It was taking everything in me to not run to him.

I missed him and I loved him despite his lies and the way he betrayed me.

"I-" he cuts himself short and takes a deep breath before he rubs his hand through his hair.

"I thought if I chased you it might make you feel different about me, a-about what I did."

My lips slightly part and his confession.

"You can't change what happened River. The fact is that you lied to me, and it wasn't about something small either. Our whole relationship was based on a lie" I state as my voice cracks slightly.

"No it wasn't" he argues.

"Yes it was! You would have told me the truth if it wasn't. I trusted you and I gave you every part of me, you couldn't even tell me you were in a gang until I asked. That's not how a relationship works"

He lets out a breath and gazed into my eyes again. An anger was swarming in his and it's something I hadn't seen from him before.

"I was trying to protect you!" He snaps

"News flash for you! I don't need or want your protection!"

"That's fucking bullshit and you know it!"

"I've made it just fine without you!"

"He fucking drugged you Emery! He was going to rape you! If I hadn't been there he would have!" He screams at me.

My eyes widen as a gasp escapes my lips.

He gauges my reaction and let's out a huff of breath.

"I promised you I would protect you, and I'm going to keep that promise even if you hate me. I-I can't let anything happen to you" he mumbles as his gaze drops to the floor.

"I hate you River. I told you I didn't want to see you again, nothing is going to change the way I feel about you, and nothing will change my opinion of you"

His eyebrows furrow together and his golden irises fill with a sadness I didn't know existed. I didn't want to hurt him, but there was no way I could trust him again.

At least not with my heart.

"Princess, I'm so sorry."

"River-"

"Please just let me say this. I-I need to tell you everything." He pauses and takes another deep breath before he continues.

"Yes I lied to you and yes I betrayed you but I swear I only did it to protect you, I know it doesn't make sense and I know you're probably really fucking confused but so am I. I have been a member of the gang since I was thirteen. My dad forced me into it and beat me until I submitted to him. A few years ago I finished my training and dad felt like I was the best member he had. I was numb, broken, and didn't have any emotions. That's what he needed. He needed a killer that wouldn't feel any remorse."

He pauses and takes another breath as he cautiously watched me.

"My first assignment was to kill an old member of the gang that wanted out. Your father. William was the best dealer we had, he made my father the most money and when he came to us and said he didn't want to do it anymore, that he wanted to be with his family. My dad told me to kill him, he told me he was weak for wanting a family and that it would ruin me to have a weakness just like it did him."

"I refused at first, I didn't want his family to suffer. But my dad is a fucking brutal man and when I tried to explain my side, he beat me. He would have killed me if my mom hadn't walked in. She stopped him and it just infuriated my father. He tied me up and had another gang member take my mom. He sat us in front of each other and he shot her in the stomach. I pleaded with him to stop and let her go, but he wouldn't. He slit her throat right in front of me then left me alone in a puddle of her blood."

He shudders and takes a shaky breath. By this point I had moved to the edge of the bed, just a little closer to him.

"She begged me to get out, she begged me. I promised her I would but my father is a cruel man. He tortured me, he beat me and when Faye found out she was pregnant, he threatened to kill her if I didn't do what he wanted. He made me a monster, and I hate myself for it. But I hate myself even more for hurting you. I know you don't believe me but it's true Emery. I hated lying to you, I hated that you didn't know the truth and there were so many times I wanted to tell you"

I felt the rest of my heart fall apart as he explained his life. He's been through so much and he's made a lot of mistakes, but there is one thing I know for certain.

"You're not a monster River." I whisper

He glances up at me and that's when I see the tears streaming down his face. He was broken and torn apart, his life has been hell and yet he's become the guy he is today.

I hesitate before getting up from the bed and slowly walking towards him.

"Yes I am. I've killed people, I've lied, I've stolen things. I told you I wasn't a good guy" he whispers back.

When I reach him, I slowly extend my hand and gently place it on his bicep. I feel the tension leave his body but the pain in his golden oceans wouldn't leave. He was fighting a war inside himself and he wasn't winning.

"No you're not, you've made mistakes, we all have. We've all done things we regret, but you've changed and that just shows how strong you are. You made yourself better. Yes you lied, and yes you hurt people, but what you're feeling now just proves you're better than your father."

"What mistakes have you made?" He asks me.

"Tons, dating Reed, letting John abuse me, there's a lot I regret"

"What's the worst?" He asks me as he grabs my hand off his arm and laces our fingers together.

I glance down at our intwined hands briefly before looking back into his eyes and pulling my hand out of his and putting space between us.

"You"