Sketch Pad

02 - Without You I Would Have Gone Apeshit A Long Time Ago.

02 - Without You I Would Have Gone Apeshit a Long Time ago.

      By the time the song is over and switches to the next song, I still feel the entire classes eyes on me — including the teacher's. Are the teachers seriously into the students drama now?

        There may be a fine line between love and hate but there is a pretty damn thick line between teacher and student.

     I feel someone plop down onto the chair besides me and they pull out my left headphone. Angrily, I look up and see my neighbor Evan Brinkley for the first time in years.

    Suddenly I feel guilty, he has been in this class with me for months, and I'm acknowledging him only now — not that he cares any ways, he has other friends.

        His features have changed exceptionally — instead of the short buzz cut he once had, he has gorgeous brown hair that is styled with minimal hair gel. He has beautiful blue-green eyes, instead of the bright blue eyes he had before, they look exactly like his dad's — it's actually scary how much he looks like Mason, his father.

        ”Do you not remember me?" he asks putting a hand over his chest, pretending to be devastated.

       ”I remember." I answer, looking down in embarrassment, he must sense that I don’t plan on adding on to that, so he continues talking.

        "Are you gonna talk to me like we did in the good old days?"

      “The good old days?” I chuckle absentmindedly then continue, "A lot has changed since we last talked." I mumble, ashamed of my absence. I want to tell him why, but I can't, he hasn't earned my trust yet

        I haven't talked to him in years, I occasionally see him in the hallways; but I never acknowledged him much, mostly because he is with his friends. He never talked to me, so I assumed he didn't like me how he used to. I truly don’t know what I ever did to him, but it is the best not to ask yet, I can leave that for another time if he decides to continue talking to me.

        "Why don't you fill me in then?” he asks while leaning onto my desk, with his chin resting on his arm and a playful smile on his face, “

        I can still feel the entire class' eyes still on us, which makes this situation even more awkward then it already is.

        My lips curve up in a small smile, "Maybe another time. I have detention all next week."

        "What about today?" he asks, being his consistent self — just how I remember him being.

        "I-I have s-something to do." I stutter, looking down and trying to keep tears from spilling out of my eyes, the reminder of what needs to be done later isn’t very pleasant, I’m dreading the trip to the graveyard.

        He opens his mouth to reply, but he is cut off by the final bell. I grab my backpack and sprint out the door — which for me is a slow jog, considering I am very out of shape, and I have a bag in my back they weighs a ton. Once I get a fair distance away from the school I slow my pace to a walking speed.

        My town has everything in walking distance away from each other — the school is five minutes from my house, the graveyard is five minutes from the school and my house is ten minutes away from the graveyard, so there is really no need for a car around here.

        Every time I walk to the graveyard I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Every step I take is dreaded, but I do it so I could see my mom.