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01 - How Does it Feel Being a Bitch?

01 - How Does it Feel Being a Bitch?

        "Shit." I mumble while scanning the cafeteria of West Valley High. "Why the hell aren't you here?"

         Why today? Why does she has to be absent today?

        Of course my best friend, Jess Paleo, decided not to show up to school today — one of the worst days of the entire school year.

        Today is Friday, this usually would be good, but Monday is Valentine's Day. This is the first time in five years where Valentine's Day landed on a Monday — which makes the start of my week about a thousand times worse.

        The tradition at my school is to ask your Valentine on a date the day before — or in this case today — because the whores don't like to waste time on the actual holiday. It's quite disgusting actually; the couple spend the entire day sucking off each others faces, and does rated R things that I won't even mention when they get home.

     Then the next day they ignore each other, as if all the face snogging and bed dancing didn't happen the day before.

        Today is a day to dread for people like me, I am a huge loner and my only friend is Jess. Nobody knows who I am, but Jess. I don't leave the house unless I am with Jess. Basically everything I do that is social involves Jess, no question about it. But I’m happy with my friendship, I would rather have only a few real friends than a bunch of fake ones.

        Jess knows every single one of my secrets, we have been friends since the seventh grade. I don't regret trusting her with everything — she is like a sister to me. I can’t remember one moment we spent together that wasn’t a good time.

        I have heard so many stories about people's best friends betraying them and telling other people their deepest secrets, but Jess would never do that. She came into my life by willingly helping me when I was at my weakest point, and I have never been more grateful for that.

         Even if she tried to ignore me she would fail miserably and come back to me within the next few days, apologizing for being an idiot and ignoring me — her words, not mine. 

        We are now in our Junior year and she hasn't left my side since we first met, she is still the most loyal and faithful friend I have ever had.

        This will be the fifth Valentine's Day alone since what happened in the seventh grade; but I don't mind so much. I don't want to experience the feeling of a throbbing heartbreak ever again. It may seem like some silly middle school crush, but it ruined me, it caused me so much pain.

         Some of it still is there, haunting me every single day.

       As always, whenever Jess is not here, I sit alone at the table we usually sit at. Today I ate a massive breakfast, so I don't have the stomach for lunch. 

        Usually I would eat anyway, but today is a depressing day for me. It has been five years since I felt aching pain in my chest and all the color draining out of my face, leaving me feeling worthless.

It crumbled any bit of self-confidence back then, ever since that happened I have never done anything without being positive it is worth it. Every time it comes to making a choice, I always second guess myself.

        "Is little Marissa all along today?" Sydney, the bitchiest girl in school, draws out in a mocking tone slowly walking up to my empty table. The girls that pick on the other students are usually cheerleaders, but she isn’t, and neither are any of her minions. My school is the opposite of stereotype central, I mean, there is some cliche moments, but everything is more on the realistic side.