The Key to My Heart (Or to Baz's Diary)

Worth the Wait

Baz

It's funny how you can map out a situation thousands of times over, and yet still find yourself surprised at the outcome.

"I have feelings for you, Simon."
"Me too, Baz. Me too."

A beat of silence passes between us, the air filled with twittering of birds and rustling of leaves.

Simon's head falls against my shoulder, his curls faintly brushing my neck. My arm finds its way around him, and Simon leans into the touch softly.

Even though we don't say it, this is the picture of love, and it's more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

Simon

When Baz told me he has feelings for me, it was the easiest thing to tell him I felt the same way. There's only one question in my mind now.

I let my head fall against Baz's shoulder, my heart more than content at the added closeness. Baz snakes an arm around me too, and I use the comfortable silence to think.

'Feelings' is quite a vague word, and Baz definitely chose it carefully. That could mean anything from a quiet crush to an overwhelming feeling of love. Just the thought of Baz being in love with me sends my pulse into a frenzy.

He must pick up on something, because the arm wrapped around me tightens just enough to drag my thoughts back to the present.

"Hey," Baz mutters, the feeling of his lips against my temple is enough to have my eyes flutter shut.

"Hey." I say back. Baz kisses the spot where his lips meet my temple before pulling away slightly.

"What're you thinking about, Simon?" I can't tell him, not now. I have to give whatever this is some time. I want Baz to be able to tell me what he's feeling when he's ready to.

"I'm just thinking about us, Baz, this is all so new to me." I turn so that we're facing each other, finding a pair of grey eyes already on mine. "I didn't even know I was attracted to-" Taking a breath, I scrub a hand across my face. Needing a minute to figure out what to say.

Instead I kiss Baz. It's reckless of me, really. He gasps against my lips and allows the kiss to linger for a few seconds before pulling away.

"Baz," I say, touching his shoulder as he angles his head away from me. "I'm sorry, look at me."

He shakes his head lightly but complies. The sun reveals the golden liquid lining the edge of Baz's eyes, and I realize he's smiling softly.

The sight of Baz near tears because he got to kiss me is overwhelming.
The fact that such a simple gesture to some, could mean so much to him coming from me.

"Aw, Baz!" I wrap my arms around him slowly. I'm smiling softly now. "You're too sweet for me."

It's hard to believe this means so much to Baz. The thought that it truly does makes my eyes water, and I feel him bury his face into my neck.

I look up to the trees, the sun filtering through them and blink back the tears that threaten to fall. My eyes sting with the effort, but my gaze remains on the sky.

"We were meant for this, Baz," My hand moves from its place against his back. I watch the way the golden golden light fills my open palm. "For each other -I mean. We've been waiting too long for the world to stop putting us against each other. Today is the day we stop fighting and learn to love."

Baz

When Simon kissed me, my emotions spilled. The years of build up somehow weren't enough to ready me for a possibility that he would make the first move. That Simon would make a move at all.

Near tears, I'm pulled into the arms that I'd so badly needed all of my life.

"...Today is the day we stop fighting and learn to love." Everything, all that he's said and done these past few minutes, has shattered me. I can feel my walls breaking for Simon, every single one is crumbling beneath his words.

"Simon," I croak into his neck. A hand running through my hair is his only response.

"Simon-" I start again, trying and failing to convey everything I'm feeling in this moment. So very badly I want to tell Simon that I love him. The words don't come, though.

"It's okay," he says, fingers still idly running through my hair. I look up and realize Simon was just as close to tears as me. He offers a shy smile which I return.

"-I," love you. "I want you, Simon. For all you are. The person that you've been all these years, the person that you've so beautifully become. I want you."

This time, when Simon's lips smash into mine, I don't pull away.