Story of my life

K

She talked a lot about K. Almost all our conversations from this period were about him. It seemed like She was really in love with him. And again, I was the one who had to listen to all of that. Ok, maybe I didn't have to, I could simply tell Her that I don't want to know everything about their relationship but it might mean the end of our relationship and at that time I really didn't want that. I know there was a time I was ready to stop all of this but all my attempts from the past remained futile. So I took the role of a friend She could tell everything. Again...

K was another of Her boyfriends I had the 'pleasure' to meet. He seemed ok, but frankly he was too clingy and casual in his understanding of a relationship to my taste. Not that I am an expert in this matter but every time I saw them together he was always touching Her and he referred to Her in weird ways even in front of Her parents.

Anyways, during K phase we used to talk a little more but as I mentioned – mostly about him. I really wanted to maintain in contact with Her so I didn't complain at loud. I tried to hide my pain inside but sometimes it was simply unbearable. One day She invited me for some family occasion. After all I was considered 'friend of the family', as Her mom once called me... So I watched them together for about an hour (I must have been burying my real feelings poorly because I really think everyone knew how I felt) and I couldn't help to leave the house. I just went outside for about half an hour just to cool down. Then I went in and just said goodbye to everyone and left. I said that I had to go because I still had to drive about 100 km in order to get to work the next day but if it wasn't for him there (and if She hadn't mind it of course) I would have stayed a lot longer.

This was also the time of one of Her most bizarre behaviors I ever encountered. And knowing Her for about 8 years by now, this is saying something. I visited Her one day (fortunately K wasn't there, He was supposed to help his parents in his home town). So for a whole day we just talked. Mostly about him but as it turned out there was something happening to their relationship already. She seemed really confused. On one hand She told me She loved him, on the other She wasn't sure if it was true feeling. Frankly, for me it seemed that She didn't love him anymore. Even worse - I think She didn't love him in the first place. I told Her that and She didn't agree or deny it. She was just really confused and didn't know what to think. But from my perspective the worst was the aftermath of this particular meeting.

You see, we sat in Her kitchen and talked for about 10 hours till the six o'clock in the morning. I still don't know what have I done wrong, I thought we just spent some good quality time together just talking. I cannot recall a single word in our conversation that would suggest She wanted me out. And yet this is exactly what happened. The next day (well, later the same day to be exact) She texted me and accused of overstaying Her welcome and that 'I didn't want to leave' in Her words. To this day I don't know what happened.

After that we had our next fall out. We didn't maintain Any contact for some time until She again called me. And again She called only because Her relationship wasn't as She imagined it. She complained about K, about his weird behaviors, about his family, in general about everything She possibly could. And again I was the one She contacted because She didn't have anyone else (Her words but we get to this in a second).

It got a little better between us then. We talked a little more and for a few days we even 'lived together'. It so happened that She studied now in the city I worked and lived. As She didn't find anywhere to live yet She asked if She could spend the night at my place so She wouldn't have to come back home only to get back to the university the next morning. I was more than happy to agree on that of course.

After Her classes ended She came, we ate dinner together, some my friends came and we talked for a while. When we prepared for sleep I made a bed on the floor but She said that the actual bed is big enough for both of us... I know what you're thinking but nothing happened. Ok, almost nothing... At the beginning we were separated but we didn't go to sleep as we started to talk. The topic of our conversation went into direction where I couldn't help but hug Her. I was supposed to release it after a short while but before that I asked if She wanted me to let Her go. She said 'no' and I just hugged Her even tighter. We ended up talking all night in spoon position. Literally all night as we didn't fall asleep at all until six o'clock. I was happiest person in the world. It was like I was with my Dream Woman at last. For just one night I felt real happiness, my Loved One, my True Love, my Whole World was in my arms. I simply cannot find proper words to describe what I felt then.

And just to be clear – yes, I tried something more that night but She wouldn't let me anything more than hug.

I didn't mention that earlier but K proposed to Her. I don't know why but this second fiancé didn't bother me as much as the first one. Probably the fact that She left S gave me some broader perspective. The fact that you are engaged doesn't mean that you ended up with your fiancé for the rest of your life. If She was to be happy with him then ok. But I knew their relationship (and Her) well enough to know (or at least feel) that it won't probably work out (spoiler – it won't).

Apogee came the day She went with him on a wedding of someone from his family. She texted me and complained that he left Her at the table and went somewhere and that She really wanted to leave. Both the wedding reception and him. It was then She told me that She was glad I was there for Her because otherwise She wouldn't have no one to share Her feelings with.

Of course I told Her what I thought about all of that – that from my perspective She already didn't love him and that She should just leave him. I had my own agenda in saying that of course but it doesn't matter because it was still what I thought. What is more – She agreed with me.

The very next day I texted Her asking how it all went but She didn't respond. Then I checked Her facebook profile and I saw a photo of Her, broadly smiling at the table eating breakfast with a description simply stating that She felt happy.

That was enough for me.

I texted Her again simply saying just that. That I have had it with Her moods, with Her complaining one day about everything and then acting like nothing happened. And that I don't want Her to contact me anymore. She replied with simple 'Sorry. Goodbye' and that was it. The end. Yeah, 'the end' for another nine months that is...