Story of my life

G

This time She contacted me on facebook. She asked if I still didn't want to talk to Her. I texted Her asking back if something happened. She said that She is organizing Her life. Then She called and we 'talked' for about an hour even though I wasn't too happy about that and I didn't even try to hide it. I was really upset during those nine months but I wasn't going to contact Her as I felt it was really over. And yet this time She called and I couldn't say 'no' to Her

(I know I repeat myself a lot but again – what does that tell you? We tried to leave each other many times and every time one of us couldn't handle the separation. For me it means that we just can't live without one another, we need each other. I do understand that this doesn't mean that we are to be together for the rest of our lives but still... It just doesn't make sense to me that two people who know each other so well and clearly need each other simply cannot be together).

So there wasn't much contact since then. She Just told me that She is about to give K engagement ring back and She wants to start a new life from the scratch. I just told Her that I approve that and frankly nothing more. As for Her new boyfriend G, I don't know much about him. I didn't even know She had new partner until She casually mentioned him some time later.

After that facebook message the most contact we had was about Her colleague who I helped to prepare something for Her university project. I really didn't want to maintain contact with Her as it really hurt knowing that there is another guy with Her. I don't know if She knew that but I didn't tell Her either. I just hoped She would somehow forget about me. After all She was supposed to start from a scratch...

Unfortunately this time it was me who couldn't bear living without Her...

One day I casually met with my old friend A and we talked about Her. During this conversation I realized that I was miserable all this time not because of Her, but because She was absent from my life. Yes, it hurts when I think that some other guy lives the life I want so much but at least I can contact Her, talk to Her, meet with Her and this really makes me happy. When She wasn't there I was like a zombie. I woke up in the morning, go to work, get back home and in most cases just went straight to bed. It wasn't life, it was vegetation (just as it was in Canada when I found out She didn't want to maintain contact with me). And after I texted Her and later talked to Her on the phone I felt really excited, happy. I don't know how to explain that other than She just makes me happy no matter what. I can't wait meeting Her again and talk to, preferably about everything and nothing, just like we used to ten years ago...