Crazy in love

5-Research

When Louis came home from work that evening he immediately went to fetch his laptop. He wanted to know what Borderline really was. He was totally clueless. He googled and started to read the symptoms.

* The feeling of emptiness.
* Your emotions shift very quickly, and you often experience extreme sadness, anger, and anxiety.
* You are constantly afraid that the people you care about will abandon you or leave you.
* You would describe most of your romantic relationships as intense, but unstable.
* The way you feel about the people in your life can dramatically change from one moment to the next and you don't always understand why.
* You often do things that you know are dangerous or unhealthy, such as driving recklessly, having unsafe sex, binge drinking, using drugs, or going on spending sprees.
* You've attempted to hurt yourself, engaged in self-harm behaviors such as cutting, or threatened suicide.
* When you're feeling insecure in a relationship, you tend to lash out or make impulsive gestures to keep the other person close.
* You're feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others' motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality-an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you're outside your own body.

Louis sighed and rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. So Harry fit some of the criteria. Louis didn't know him well enough to know all of the symptoms he had. But he had said everything felt hopeless. That fitted the first one, feeling empty. He had also told him that he had tried to commit suicide when he was younger. Finally, he had spaced out and lost touch with reality. Damn it!

He had to ask him about mood swings and wreckless behavior but you didn't have to have all the symptoms to have the disorder. Damn it!

Louis didn't even know why this upset him so much. He just couldn't get rid of this nagging feeling that something wasn't right. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Harry was a great guy. He deserved more.

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Harry was working out again when Louis stepped into his room the next morning. God, Louis would never get used to seeing Harry's muscular body.
"Morning Lou." Harry grunted while doing push-ups.

"Good morning Haz. How are you feeling today?" Louis greeted.

Harry looked up.
"Haz?"

"Ehm...short for Hazza? I don't know. It just slipped out." Louis mumbled and scratched the back of his head. Way to go!

Harry jumped to his feet and smiled at Louis.
"I like it!"

Louis's eyes had got stuck on Harry's abs.
"Uhm...what? Yeah, okay. Ehm, shower?" Geeesh, he had to get a grip!

He tore his eyes away and looked up at Harry instead. Big mistake! Harry looked at him with an amused smirk on his lips. Louis rolled his eyes.
"Let's go."

Harry chuckled and put his t-shirt on before they walked out of the room.
" Hey Harry, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Were you wreckless before you came here?" Louis asked.

"Wreckless in what way?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

Right. What had he been reading yesterday?
"Like... doing drugs or drinking too much, driving dangerously or having unsafe sex?" Louis blushed at the last word.

"No....I've never done drugs, I hardly drank, I drove safely and I've never had a one-night stand, I mean I've had sex but I've only slept with two people and I was dating them and I used a condom every time. Why do you ask?" Harry answered truthfully sounding confused.

Oh my fucking God! Too much information. But that didn't sound reckless at all.
"Just wondering." Louis mumbled before he continued. "Does your emotions shift suddenly? Do you like get really fucking angry all of a sudden?"

"No, I'm a calm person. I rarely get angry. I was really angry my first year here tho, I will admit that. No one was listening to me. It was frustrating. Then I gave up and became really depressed my second year around. So yeah, I was sad then. I usually don't lash out at people, definitely not the ones I love like my mum and my sister. I know they think they're doing what's best for me. I've never been in a real relationship, So I can't say that I know how I would be as a boyfriend but hopefully good? I don't have abandonment issues, more than the next guy. I mean, my parents divorced when I was a kid and that was hard but yeah...you've done your homework." Harry had stopped walking to look at Louis.

Louis blushed.
"Sorry, I got curious. I wanted to know what it meant so I googled it." Louis confessed.

"I'm glad you did. Some day you might believe me when I say that I don't have Borderline." Harry sighed.

They locked eyes. Louis stared into Harry's beautiful green orbs. He forced himself to snap out of it.
"Clothes."

"Right." Harry mumbled and looked down on his feet.

Louis hurried to collect the things Harry needed and they locked themself in the private bathroom. Louis drew in a shaky breath. He was gonna be professional this time and not ogle Harry like a piece of meat. He walked over to the toilet and sat down. He turned his gaze to the floor. Harry stepped out of his clothes and went into the shower without a word. He was facing the tile the entire time showering. Louis couldn't help but check out Harry's bum. What was wrong with him?

Louis tried to break the awkward silence between them.
"So, I can't believe it's Friday already. I'm not working the weekend."

Harry turned around.
"What?"

Louis blushed when he was confronted with Harry's front side. Harry hurried to turn around again.
"I'll miss our talks. Hope you'll have a great weekend."

"Yeah." Louis would miss it as well.