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I mean seriously,what the hell does he see in me. I'm worthless. I bet he couldn't name one good thing about me besides my so called "good hair". Why does long hair have to be good hair?Hair is hair , long or short , straight or curly. At least that's how I see it. Jacob does not know me. How could he if I dont even know myself. Exactly it makes no sense. Matter of Fact he makes no sense. Which is why I must not fall into his trap. I must keep my distance. Stay away Ray. Stay the fuck away.

.

.

.

Jacob.

I don't get it. Maybe I'm not suppose to. I mean it is his life and he chooses what he does but never talking. Isnt that a little bit overdoing it? Actually the reason doesn't matter, letting him try to take a risk and getting him out of this habit is what matters. I will do everything in my power to understand, conphrend , listen and advise him that he needs someone. If it may not be me its okay. I just need to hear him once before its all over.

.

.

.

Finally. The day has ended. I pushed my through the crowded hallway heading out the large double doors.

Rayan! Wait.

Fuck. Don't give in. Keep walking Rayan.

Rayan? Are you okay I mean we haven't talked since P.E. and Rayan are you even listening?

To be quite honest I wasn't. I soon as I hear his footsteps toward me I blast my earphones playing the Sex God August Alsina. Oh Lord took his time on him. The perfect song came on.

Why you callin my whole problems, them your problems
Then you callin back nigga fuck that call your chick this my phone
Last time I checked I was full grown
So I ain't got time to play withcha
Keep on talking that bullshit
I might make your girl a twit picture
Pose, yeah
Your chick will be lovin that
My spot be the place she get her lovin at (loving at)
Don't be mad 'cause I didn't know she was your girl then
Now you sad sayin that August stole your girlfriend.

Love is for suckers that's why I don't trust em
'Cause you tryin cuff em
You end up in trouble sayin
Love is for suckers that's why I don't need it
'Cause when she say she love you
She'll make you believe that you're in love
(Love, love love, love love)
Now she got you open and she got you hopin you're in love
(Love love love, love love)
But you shouldn't trust her 'cause you just a sucka for love
(Oh oh ohhh you),
You're not in love, you're just a sucka for love
Uh uh uh, you're not in love, you're just a sucka for love

What's up homie? What's goin on? I heard you gotta lame nigga calling your phone
He got this game all wrong, if he had any words witcha
He's a fool to be calling you, guess he don't see the big picture (LOVE!)
That four letter word will have you sick, and love will have a nigga losing it
Cause he thought he could trust her and she ain't like the others so he thought he could love her
But now he's saying...

Love is for suckers that's why I don't trust em
'Cause you tryin cuff em
You end up in trouble sayin
Love is for suckers that's why I don't need it
'Cause when she say she love you
She'll make you believe that you're in love
(Love, love love, love love)
Now she got you open and she got you hopin you're in love
(Love love love, love love)
But you shouldn't trust her 'cause you just a sucka for love
(Oh oh ohhh you),
You're not in love, you're just a sucka for love
Uh uh uh, you're not in love, you're just a sucka for love...

By the time the song was over Jacob was still there. He wasn't talking just simply walking next to me. I knew he wanted to hold my hand but this time I can't allow it. If I want to keep my distance I can't allow that. Hell we shouldn't even be this close. I sped my pace, swiftly passing by him. But of course I was grabbed by my arm.

Rayan listen.

Haven't I been listening. It's the only thing I ever do.

Rayan. Look . Im not sure how you feel. I mean how should I know . I think I know who I am and at tinesw I dont even know what I feel anymore. Its all just a jumble of emotions. I just want you to know that I've been through and still going through the phase of always thinking that I'm worthless. I do not ever want you to feel that way Rayan. I think that no one will ever approach me and get to know who I really am but as I said before I don't even know myself. Rayan, don't ever feel that your ugly,bruised ,weak because your purely the opposite.If you think all those are true then Rayan you are perfectly flawed. Rayan you may not see it but you are beautiful. I always here for you Rayan. Always.

He can't be serious. Can he? Nope I doubt it. His words flow to smoothly like he rehearsed them and repeated them to every other girl. But the emotions were live and fully there. It doesnt make sense to me. No one likes me . Not even Jacob . Why? Simply because feelings fade. Its no use to be involved in this again.

You're not in love, you're just a sucka ~A.A.A.

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