chapter nineteen: freudian slip
the shortest, sweetest chapter you'll ever get
from lil ole me :-)
Monday, December 18. 4:39 pm.
"How do the parents not know whether Santa is real in Christmas movies? It drives me nuts! How the hell are their children getting toys on Christmas morning?" Rowan had left about thirty minutes earlier, and Jamie and I had decided to go upstairs to watch The Santa Clause. "Where do they think the presents come from? Are they brainwashed or something? It makes no sense!"
"Elle... it's a kid's movie. They don't think about that kind of thing," Jamie was laughing at my frustration, but I wasn't kidding. This had haunted me for years.
"So many movies have this problem... it's a plot hole!" Jamie wrapped his arms around me and placed his face in the crook of my neck. "Jamison, this is an issue. I can't believe you're not more upset."
"I think it's cute when you call me Jamison." I giggled as Jamie's breath tickled my skin, and he raised his head to look at me. "I agree that it's frustrating that they left out that detail... but that doesn't really take away from the movie. It's just one of those things you're not supposed to think about... just let the magic happen."
"Jamie, I would have to disagree... it does take away! It angers me to watch these movies knowing that these adults are so ignorant!" Jamie's eyes playfully rolled before he placed his cheek on my shoulder, giving up on arguing with me.
We both became quiet as we started to pay attention to the movie, and I bit my tongue from saying anything further about my frustration. I knew he didn't mind if I expressed my opinion, but I also knew it wasn't going to get us anywhere.
Jamie gently placed his lips on my slightly exposed shoulder and took it upon himself to continue leaving kisses along the way to my neck. I smiled at the action and leaned into his kisses, wanting him to know that I approved. Jamie suddenly maneuvered himself so that he was towering over me, while still kissing my neck.
Wanting in on some of the action, I pulled him away from my neck and placed my lips on his. He kissed me back passionately and placed his hand on my waist. I caressed his cheeks in my hands and continued to kiss him, hard. Jamie's hand traveled up the side of my waist slightly, causing my shirt to raise and expose my skin. He moved his hand again and this time it made contact with my bare skin. My stomach fluttered.
I wanted Jamie to touch me, but I also felt myself shy away from his touch. Although I was comfortable with him, I wasn't entirely sure how to do this sort of thing. My insecurities were both fully present, but somehow fading into the background. Jamie made me comfortable enough to push them aside, but they wanted nothing more than to come and remind me of my inner, negative thoughts.
Jamie's lips disconnected from mine, and he left kisses down my neck as he traveled down my body. He rose up and looked down at me for a moment, grinning to himself.
"I don't know how to describe how beautiful you are." Jamie shook his head as he looked down at me and for some reason his words caused my heart to race. I felt tears well up in my eyes, and he immediately noticed. "Ellie, I'm sorry—did I do something wrong?"
"No," I told him, shaking my head as I began to laugh at myself. "Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me." Jamie was careful not to put his weight on me as he stayed where he was, taking my hands in his. "I just don't understand what you see in me... you're so attractive, and you're so fit— I'm just... I don't compare to you, Jamie. And I don't mean to be down or hard on myself, it's just—I'm nothing special. But you make me feel so good. I just don't know how you think such things."
"Ellie... you don't even know how you make me feel. The second I saw you walk into that bathroom downstairs, I honestly thought to myself that I had never seen a girl so pretty. You hold yourself so confidently, yet it's clear you don't have to remind yourself that you need to do so. You're stunning, in all aspects. Something about you is so endearing... I swear to god, I am pulled toward you. I am literally attracted to you... because you're genuinely gorgeous and lovely. I'm not articulate enough to describe you. But... when you laugh, your whole head shoots backward, and it is the prettiest sight ever. It makes me a little dizzy to see you sometimes. You make happy look worldly... and I don't even think that makes fucking sense. You're just so unapologetically you. And I think that's the most attractive thing in the world. I have genuinely never seen a girl who is nearly as beautiful as you." My head gently shook in disbelief as I looked up at Jamie, and I believed every word he said, but was still worried that someone was tricking me.
"I don't even know what to say," I told Jamie before biting my lip gently. "Boys like you aren't supposed to exist."
"There can't be a boy like me without a girl like you. I'm like this for you. I have never felt this way about someone before, Ellie. I'm not saying that because I heard it makes girls feel good; I wouldn't say this to anyone else. I'm saying it because I'm still confused as to how this is all happening. I don't know what you've done to me in the last week... but fuck, I'm happy about it." I couldn't keep back a smile as Jamie spoke. "I'm genuinely a little obsessed with you. I feel fucking wacko."
"I think it's the head injury," I joked with him, which caused his eyebrows to furrow. "The beer bottle," I explained, reaching up to touch the scratch that was still on his head. "I think that's the culprit... but, if that's the case, I don't know what my excuse is. I can't get enough of you, either. You make me feel ways I wasn't expecting to feel for a long time."
"Maybe this is some wacky daydream we're both living in... maybe we're still downstairs in that bathroom right now." My eyes rolled at Jamie's words and he laughed quietly.
"A 'fall in love with a stranger' type of deal," I said, playing off of what he had said. Once I realized what I had accidentally implied, however, my eyes got wide. "I didn't mean—"
"It's okay—"
"It was just an expression—" My cheeks burned from embarrassment at the slight Freudian slip, and all Jamie could seem to do was laugh.
"Ellie, can I be honest with you?" I slowly nodded at Jamie's words. "I'm not going to tell you I love you... or that I'm in love with you... because I haven't had the time to develop a definition of that for myself yet. But I'll be surprised if this isn't what that is... or what helps me define it." The room fell silent as Jamie spoke and I could tell from his breath alone that he was nervous to say what he had said. I lifted my hand and pressed it to his chest; his heart was beating quickly and I smiled to myself.
"I might have a dream to fall in love with you, Jamison Burnside... I'm just choosing not to disclose whether I've accomplished it."
a/n:
okay SO i have been updating like a mad woman, if u couldn't tell !!!!! but i am a lil stuck bc i do not know how i want to finish this !!!! i gave myself a deadline for christmas.......... and i just don't think i'm actually gonna finish it before christmas.
that's a lot of pressure !!!!!! lol
i'm gonna finish it when i can... or maybe it'll never end
that wouldn't be crazy out of the ordinary for a story of mine !!
please let me know how you are feeling ab the story!!! who's ur favorite character? what's your favorite part of the story?? what do u want to see happen/what do u think is gonna happen!!
let's have some fun convos!!
i love you guys !! :)
jill
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