If not us, who? If not now, when? | Muke Clemmings

Chapter 12

Michael's POV
I came into my room and opened the notebook. A smell of brand new came into my lungs... I found a pencil and start writing.

"Letter 1:
I don't know why life has to be this hard. Why can't people easily say what they feel?
I... I dedicate these letters to you Luke. I really want you to know that you mean a lot to me. I know we used to hate each other for a good part of our life's but now... I can't imagine a week without you. Actually... I don't know what should I even write... 'cause everything I write, you already know it..."

I closed my notebook and put it under my bed. I don't know if I really want anyone to see it. I wasn't feeling amazing about sharing feelings with a random women. I know she is there to help me but... I don't want help. I don't actually want to pay attention on my gay feelings for Luke. I want to forget everything. But... it's not that easy... and I will never be able to do that... Luke, fuck you. I hate you so hard. I hate so hard your beautiful little smile, your blue like ocean eyes... A whole fucking zoo is in my damn stomach when I think about you...
Someone knocked on my door.
"Yes?", I yelled obviously bored.
"It's me sweetie.", mum came in.
I rolled my eyes, "What do you want?"
"Here's your medicine.", she sent me a small smile.
Medicine. Fucking medicine I don't want to take it.
I sighed, "Do I have to-"
"Yes, you have to. Here you go.", she snapped.
My phone rang just when I got the pills, and mum was next to it, "Who is it?"
"It's Luke.", she said habitually.
I jumped the same second from my bed and went to my phone. Karen looked at me like I'm crazy.

Luke?, I was trying to stay calm even though my heart was jumping around.
Bro, I called you to see how ya doin'!, he sounded happy.
I'm fine.. What, you can't live without me a couple of hours?, I teased him. I always loved to tease him.
Yeah, how did you figured it out?!, oh I wish things weren't complicated like this...
I know you my whole life dude., I marked.
I want you to know that you can call me anytime when y-, I stopped listening. I mean, great he is telling me those words like I'm a sick suicidal idiot.
I know... Thank you...
Oh and, call me when you are ready for hanging. Those two idiots are...idiots. Okay, I must go now. Love ya bro!, he sounded happy but I felt deep in my heart that he wants to see me so hard.
'Love ya too Luke... love ya too...' I thought

I looked at my mum like: What? You are still here? And she shook her head and went out. Actually... I knew she won't be too boring, 'cause she and my father never cared about me. They were proud of me just when I had good grades and when they went down and I left school... They called me stupid and useless so many times...
I couldn't spend all day in my bed, so I slowly slipped of my bed and got ready...

Michael was right: I can't live without him for a couple of hours. Lads were more-less acting usual but... it wasn't same without Michael. For the first time I miss those times when he used to tease me a lot... I was aware that nothing will be the same when he comes back... Don't really know if things will get better or worse...
Someone said: "Hello" and it interrupted me in my thoughts. It was our day-to-day manager.
"Hey there!", Cal smiled widely.
"How is Michael doing?", manager said, bored like always.
The lads looked at me. I wasn't sure what should I answer: "He is...fine..."
"Will he be able to get on the road again?", manager continued asking questions.
Ashton got confused, "But you told us the tour will be canceled?"

ღAuthors noteღ
Idk but I have a strange, stupid feeling about this fanfiction. Mayb I should just delete it?