If not us, who? If not now, when? | Muke Clemmings

Chapter 17

Song ideas for this part:
- Say something - A Big Great World
- Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake

Soon, in the deaf room came Calum with his well known confused look on face, "What the hell just happened?", he said showing at the door.
"I... I don't know..." I sighed and as much as I hated to admit it, I feel tears will soon slip of my eyes.
"Bro are you okay?", he sat next to me, looking into my eyes.
"I... I don't even know...", I didn't wanted him to see my tears. I put my face in my hands quietly sobbing.
"First Emma ran out and then Michael", I snapped, "Emma was...here?"
My life is breaking into pieces! Amazing.
"Yes... She mumbled something and ran out. Do you want to call her?", Calum knew the situation is not good at all.
"No... I've done some shit... First of all I want to think about everything... See you later Cal...", I got up ready to go. I wasn't feeling well at all. My heart was torn and I deserve that. I'm a fucking idiot! I wasn't waiting for Calum to answer me, I just went out. Went out, running away from all of my problems 'cause I'm best in that.

Fresh air slowed a bit my heart, but who cares when my head was about to explode? I couldn't stop thinking why do all of this have to be this way? Why was I afraid to tell Michael I love him? How to even admit I'm gay? I was a coward but I can't just run to Michael and tell him that I'm sorry... He openly told me he hates me. I was so mad at myself for acting that way.

"Fuck!", I yelled throwing my keys and going to my room
"What happened?", Jack looked at me with a puzzled look while I was running upstairs.
I heard mum yelling a: "Are you normal?!", but I didn't care, she was my smallest problem right now.

My room was dark 'cause the curtains were down... I liked it. I just wanted to sit in the dark corner and cry a fucking river. I was too weak to think about my problems which were spinning in my head again, again and again How is Michael? Will he do something stupid again? 
"SHUT UP!", I yelled to myself, "You can't judge him! You did the stupidest thing ever!"
Jack came into my room: "Bro?"
"Go...away...", tears were streaming down my face.
"What's wrong?", he sat down next to me, like in old good times when we were kids.
"I'll be okay... Go...", sobbing voice was coming out of me.
He didn't answered anything. He just hugged me. My tears were soaking his shirt but he didn't mind. He never did.

Michael's POV
I ran to my home in just few seconds. I was never running that fast. I thought Luke will run after me, tell me that he was kidding but... he wasn't... the truth was that he is not gay, he has no feelings for me...
I wanted to finish my life right there, while staring at my reflection which I started hating so much but... instead of that I got that notebook and start writing my real feelings without cover-ups, because this time I don't care... I don't care if my doctor says I'm a psycho, I don't care if I would be called gay or something... This time... I was completely lost in the echo of Luke's voice saying he doesn't feel anything...

ღAuthors noteღ
Shit, this hurts me so much.