If not us, who? If not now, when? | Muke Clemmings

Chapter 18

Song ideas for this part:
- With Or Without You - U2
- Fire - Sleeping With Sirens

"I have to talk to him...", I whispered. My head hurts after so much crying but Jack was still there, sitting on the floor holding me until I feel just right.
"I don't know what happened but... are you sure that is a good idea? I mean...", he was losing words.
"I... I don't know bro... I just can't leave him alone. I promised him I will always be there for him", I got up, whipping under my eyes, "...and it turned out I'm a fucking coward."
Jack was still sitting on the floor with a puzzled look on his face. He didn't understand a word and I really wasn't feeling like explaining, I mumbled a Thank you and went out of my room. I don't know where should I go, what should I do, but one was sure: I couldn't sit at one place.

I went downstairs really hoping my mum will not be there, but of course, she was.
"Where are you going?", she stepped out of the dark corner, like in movies.
"Out...", I was trying so hard to sound normal. I already made my way to door handle but she said calmly: "Son..."
I turned around and she was coming to me slowly: "...please, tell me what's wrong..."
"Everything is okay mum", I tried to smile softly.
"No... I know it's not... Please, Luke Robert, tell me, I can help you...", I flinched a bit of her use of my middle name.
I whispered: "Nobody can help me." and went out.

Soon, sunny day was shinning right into my eyes and around me were a lot of kids, happily running... It's just not working I thought. I can't be happy if I don't have Michael... I ruined everything just because I'm to scared to admit I'm in love with him...
I wasn't thinking about where to go, my legs were leading me to the park... and not any park... This park was the first one where we used to play for tips... I sat on the bench and let my mind remember me about that moment when I actually wasn't hating Michael... When our music was everything we were thinking about... How happy we were huh? If life wasn't this hard... It would be amazing... Somehow I've found courage to get my phone from my pocket and open messages. I HAD to write something to Michael... It was stronger than me.

I: Michael, bro... please text me... We need to talk...

I sighed, hoping for the best.
My heart jumped a bit when I heard my phone ringing.... But... holy shit, that's Emma!

I: "H... Hallo?"
Emma: "It's me."
Her voice sounded strong but I can feel her heart was breaking.
I: "Um...yeah?"
Emma: "I was thinking... you know... about Michael and you and... I... I support you..."
She sighed from the deepest place of her soul.
I: "I... I don't understand?"
Emma: "I wanna say... I... I support two of you... I mean... I know how much judgment was my brother passing trough when he admitted he... he like boys and... I swore nobody will ever feel that kind of pain... It's okay to be different..."
She was fighting with words so hard. I didn't know what to answer...
Emma: "I want you to be happy, Luke... With or without me it doesn't matter, YOU matter..."
I: "I... I'm sorry Em..."
Emma: "No... Don't be... I'm okay... So...um... see ya later?"
She hang up. I... I don't know what am I feeling anymore. I closed my eyes and put my head into my hands... I was sobbing. I wanted this to be just a dream... I wanted Michael, Ashton and Calum back... I wanted us to be again those old, famous, four guys from Aussieland but... nothing will be the same...

 ღAuthors noteღ
I dunno 'bout you but... My feelings are fucked up by my own fanfiction.