depression is a light gray blue,
staring into space,
starstruck from the vastness
surrounded by people
yet, oh so lonely.
surrounded by the mess of a room
that's only a portion of the mess in my head
light gray blue quickly turns dark
spiraling storms crack lightning like a whip,
you didn't even get out of bed today,
yes, i did
worthless.
i am?
none of your 'friends' care about you,
but they asked about me.
worthless.
i...
do you think you can amount to anything?
i did...
you're worthless.
yeah.
worthless.
worthless.
i'm tired of the sun rising before i get the
chance to smile.
i'm tired of the way i can so quickly put on a
mask to disguise myself.
i'm tired of knowing how much i could do
if it weren't for the light gray blue.
i'm tired of being tired of being oh so tired
all the time.
i'm tired of the light gray blues
and the sleepiness within
and i wish i didn't have to wish.
a tornado of repetitive sedatives
to put my thoughts to sleep
they turn me into a ghost without control
and i tornado back into my mind,
who am i anymore?
who was i before, anyway?
who could i be?
medication,
too much dedication
snuggled up in my light gray sheets
contemplation of existence
a compilation of concentration
that i don't have the time for.
who am i kidding, i have
all the time in the world
just,
a lack of motivation.
all i am is a number
in this light gray blue
a statistic, that's all they tell me.
every light gray blue
is a slightly different shade
with a slightly different voice.
it's scary.
it could kill me.
growing over the blossoms
of rationality,
it's not that you want to die,
you just don't want to live
with the blue anymore.
maybe you cross the street
without looking for cars
or take yet another shot of vodka
at your local bar
it takes over.
you aren't really you,
you don't feel real
or even worth a penny
found on cracked sidewalks.
death isn't something you crave,
but there isn't a pause button
on this remote.
you aren't the light gray blue,
although you can't see past it.
the darkness consumes
everything it touches
but the blossoms can grow
if you pull the weeds
and the darkness will fade
once you find a flashlight.
it's a lifelong battle.
the light gray blue
was born to kill,
but you were born to fight.
and no matter how many times
it tells you these things
the light gray blue
can't go on forever,
because you are stronger.
and you are not your light gray blue.
YOU ARE READING
-𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝.
Poetrya collection of poems based around mental illness. = this book may contain images that trigger specific individuals. please read the content warnings and keep yourself safe! = " pounds dropping, rain drops of relapse, recovery is a journey but smal...
