!!!
this chapter contains topics of food, anorexia, bulimia, and body image.
please keep yourself safe.
!!!
i learned to love
the feeling of cold water
on an empty stomach.
my stomach would grumble,
aching for nutrition
and i would smile.
chewing slow
and only alone
i didn't think i deserved food.
when i ate
and the hunger took over
the next place i'd be
would be the bathroom.
a retching blossom
from the pits of despair
my insides turned outwards,
a punishment of return,
the failing grade of food.
i always imagined
the mirror saying;
"
s l u t
fat fat fat
ugly ugly ugly
d i s g u s t i n g
not enough
w h a l e
l a z y
"
brain fighting against body,
a war only i could stop, i thought.
alone.
no one could know i suffered,
for they'd suffer with me.
unnecessary pain placed on a platter,
given to those i could 'trust'
why should they hurt too?
it was never enough, really.
pounds dropping,
rain drops of relapse,
recovery is a journey
but small steps can, will get you there.
(not enough.)
counting the calories
in a snowflake caught on my tongue.
cold, so cold,
only wanting to be colder.
(not enough.)
skeleton bones remain
of who i used to be
now, a calculator,
failing math and my body
(not enough.)
too weak to walk,
a hospital trip it took
realization, a relationship
maybe i'm not where i'm meant to be.
maybe i am enough.
outside of parentheses
an important passage
of worth.
human, a complex system
something that you cannot
contain in a paragraph.
i yearn for a future life
i can look in the mirror
and not be weak.
when the mirror says
"you are beautiful"
and i believe it.
YOU ARE READING
-𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝.
Poetrya collection of poems based around mental illness. = this book may contain images that trigger specific individuals. please read the content warnings and keep yourself safe! = " pounds dropping, rain drops of relapse, recovery is a journey but smal...
