December 28, 2019.
It was a morning I was about to sleep past by until I got woken up by my big sister, the first words she told me while in my hazy state was "He's gone..." then silence.
I woke up hesitantly and laughed it off saying "Stop joking around, we just saw him during christmas.. I mean, he can't be? right?" But her bloodshot eyes gave me the answer I needed. In silence I got up in an instant and wore my clothes as we were to visit him, my grandpa.
8:00 am,
My dad has been there since he passed in the hospital. He's been by the coffin since my grandpa was now allowed to be seen.
I went inside with my sister so my dad could go back home and get some rest. This was probably only the third time I've seen my dad after he cried, it still hasn't sunken into me that he was actually dead. I just couldn't accept it and I had convinced myself that there was not a single way that he could have died. We got breakfast there and I went back to my seat and ate while looking at my grandfather inside the coffin, my heart was pounding and it felt like I was having a heart attack. The pain was sharp and my eyes felt like it wanted to be ripped out of my skull and my head ached so much trying to reason with me to accept his death while also persuading me that he couldn't have possibly died. My face was frozen, I ate breakfast while looking at my grandfather's coffin without so much as a sign of emotion. After eating, I went up to the coffin to see a full view of him and I saw how peaceful he looked. He looked like how he did back when I was a kid going on a road trip with the entire family. I prayed and sat down, then I noticed the tears fall down my cheek one by one, I only wished for him to be happy up in the heavens.
My Grandfather,
He was my father's hero as was mine, he was the strongest person I knew. My dad's old stories about him inspired me to be the person I want to become. He was kind, passionate, smart, and the most loving person in our family. The center figure connecting us all, aunties, uncles, cousins, and even distant relatives. We used to go to trips all year round with us cousins being close enough to all be siblings, he and all the adults would bring snacks every road trip, it was fun but we couldn't do it anymore without him. Only a few years back, he was still healthy and strong but he took care of my recovering grandma as she had gotten speech impaired and looked too frail to even walk. He went days on end with not a wink of sleep, this has been going on without letting us know. If we had then we would have hired maids to take care of both of them but it was too late. He had been getting thinner and thinner throughout the last few years. He didn't want to go to the doctor for it, claiming it was just him not eating enough but he took a check up from my aunty and we found out that he had cancer. Ever since then he got weaker until he couldn't even walk. He went under chemotherapy even though not a single one of us wanted him to since the risk was far too great and it could end up being the reason of your death. We had no choice so he took it and it got worse, he's been bedridden for 2 years and we've been visiting him every weekend to bring food and to have a quick chat. His stomach had been getting progressively larger through the years he's been bedridden but he could somewhat walk again during the last few months so we had hope he could recover but reality's not always what you would like.
December 24, 2019 at 11:30pm
We visited him for Christmas eve and our other relatives were upstairs but we were going to spend Christmas with grandma as she was staying in our home and couldn't go to visit too. When we saw him, we knew how he was in so much pain yet he laughed it off pretending there was no problem and made us feel like there was nothing to worry about but his stomach has bloated and his feet were swollen. He couldn't eat because his body couldn't digest hard enough to clear his stomach. This was when his stomach was really bloated, enough to look like it would explode right then and there. It must have been excruciating for him yet we couldn't do anything to alleviate his pain. We tried our best to make sure he thought we were not worried so we talked for the past hour and at 12:30 we took our leave after greeting him and our relatives upstairs a merry Christmas. Just a few more days until the new years but none of us knew that it would be our last conversation.
December 31, 2019 at 12:10 am
My grandmother's relatives came to visit her and tell her the news because we haven't told her yet that grandfather had passed on. She has been worried for the past days even though she knew nothing had happened prior to then. It was like she knew what had happened but was waiting for a confirmation, tears burst forth as she tried her hardest to speak coherently while crying. This was the first time I have seen her cry because she disappeared from my life when I was 7 years old, since then I have only seen her again for the last 2 years. She has been recovering from her lung problems since then. She's been smoking since my earliest memories of her and she rarely spoke. They talked for a while and left at 1:30 am, she let it all out and was quite speechless soon after. I gave her some water and we stood outside looking at the stars as I waited for her to clear her mind. We went back inside and I asked her to rest.
2:00 am,
It's been the hardest time for me these past weeks and school's about to start again. I hope I can make it through.
December 31, 2019 at 8:00 am,
Today is the day of his cremation and of our final goodbyes. A lot of us didn't accept his death as he was and still is the center figure of our family but during the morning mass we had for him, the time of giving him holy water by each one of us. We had to accept that he truly was gone, we all started to tear up but none of us made a sound because we knew he wanted us all to smile until the very end. At the end of the mass, my father as the only son in a family with his 2 sisters relayed his message for all to hear and for grandfather to know how we all loved him with all our hearts. My father wore sun glasses to hide his red and almost swollen like eyes, we all cried silently trying to hold back the immense sense of despair we all had. They closed the coffin after the speech and we headed to where he will be cremated at, we got one final look on him before they closed the window. After 3 hours it was done, we brought his ashes to our family's owned spot in the cemetery.
*A letter I gave him from my elementary school work but I edited out the name and some parts*
To Grandpa,
I hope you live a happy and super long life so that we can go have a trip with the family every year. You are my hero and will always be. I love you grandpa. Thank you for always making us happy.
From: Your loving grandson,
J.J.IREZ
R.I.P
My grandfather
1957-2019
