Protect Me Not

Chapter 26

Mary stared at the pregnancy test for what seemed to be an eternity. Trying hard to clear her mind of all thoughts, Mary shoved the pregnancy test in her purse and grabbed a small blanket out of the hall closet. She needed to get to the park and meditate, just like the doctor suggested. She couldn't think of a better option to help clear head. As she walked along the bustling sidewalk, Mary couldn't help but allow her thoughts to penetrate through the news of her pregnancy. She knew how elated Victor would be with the news of having a child. Although she never expressed a yearning to have children herself, Mary was excited at the prospect of becoming a mother. After Victor and Mary wed, they had conversations about enjoying their marriage and careers for a few years before starting a family. With their tenth year anniversary fast approaching, Mary was excited to be celebrating both a decade of marriage and a new child. She envisioned giving a proper pregnancy announcement to all her guests at the anniversary party, allowing her guests to celebrate the joyous occasion together.

It wasn't difficult to find some beautiful green space in the luxurious streetscape of Yorkville. Most streets in that area had picturesque grass space surrounded with office towers, perfect for the working professionals to enjoy some fresh air and outdoor lunching. More often than not, most office personnel in the area would take advantage of the good weather and tuck themselves under an unusually large tree to sneak in some reading time or even partaking in some office e-mail catch up. Anyone walking along the tree lined street could easily witness the beauty of the peaceful atmosphere. A simple escape from a frenzied day was exactly what the space was designed for. After choosing her perfect spot, Mary spread her blanket out onto the grass. She starred up into the beautiful blue sky trying hard to come up with a special way to tell Victor he was going to be a dad. Mary was certain Victor would agree that having children at this stage in their marriage would be indicative to the love they share for each other. Ten years was a good run for a couple to enjoy marriage before adding to their family, considering divorce rates were higher than ever. Mary wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself of motherhood or if her hormones where already kicking into hypersensitive mode. Whatever the reality of their current feelings on the matter was, the fact still remained the same. Mary was pregnant with Victor's child. Any and all feelings she thought she may have experienced toward Camden had to come to an end. More than ever Mary knew she needed to get back to her home and share the unexpected and great news with her husband. It was time for her to put her big girl pants on and wake up to the reality of her life. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and Mary could clearly see her path into the future now. The clouds and fog that were hovering in her head have all cleared and it was time to put her past into the past and leave it there. Why did it take so long for her to realize that she already had everything that life had to offer? Why did she feel like she was missing a part of herself? Richard may have robbed her of her innocence but he could never take away her willingness to heal and move on from it. Everything seemed crystal clear to Mary now. It was like her life path was illuminated by the news of her pregnancy. Her desire to become a mother was stronger than anything she had ever felt in her life. Maybe the news of her pregnancy was the internal hollowness she couldn't get over and never really knew how to, until now. Could it be that motherhood was the answer to clearing her continuous feelings of sorrow and pulsing heartache that she just couldn't run from anymore?

Mary knew she had to get to her psychologist office right away and fill him in on her new revelation. Getting back home to Victor was the highest of her priorities but first she had to speak to Dr. Copeland and explain the urgency for her immediate departure. Mary remembered Dr. Copeland telling her that she could call anytime if she needed further therapy but this situation was different. She had to go see him in the flesh. Mary knew leaving would require a face to face explanation as to why she felt the urgent need to get back home to Victor. She didn't want to leave without explaining her unequivocal love and bond she shared with her husband. After careful deliberation and sensory evaluation, Mary was certain that her misleading feelings for Camden were purely hormone induced. A particularly important topic she needed to clear up before her departure back home. She thought about the different ways to approach Camden about her falsified feelings toward him but none of the explanations seemed genuine. She figured the proper words would start to flow naturally from her lips the moment she saw him, but first she needed to get to Doctor Copeland's office. A call to Camden would come secondary.