7 Stages of Grief

4th stage of Grief: Depression, Reflection, Loneliness

My eyes groggily opens as the sun blinded me with its rays.

“What time is it?” I asked to no one in particular as I rubbed my eyes, struggling to wake up. I looked at the clock placed on the nightstand, it was 9:25 AM. I placed both of my hands on the bed and pushed myself up. My eyes roamed around the room and found the tray of food placed on my study table.

I sighed and placed myself down on the bed again, refusing to move from the comfy feeling it was giving me. I recalled the events that happened yesterday.

From the news of Kaneki’s death to me and Hide’s confrontation.

I don’t really remember that much after that, did I walk back to the group’s hideout? But guessing on the fact that I am currently lounging at our-my bed, I did. I think I remember seeing everyone’s worried face, was Tsukiyama there? Yes, yes he was. I think he spilled his rage on me, but I guess I didn’t care that much and just walked towards this room. I immediately slept without even bothering to change my clothes, although I think later last night I felt hot and changed to a more comfortable clothing.

I remember hearing someone knocking on my door, was it Banjo or Hinami? Whoever it was, they left the tray of food on the table. I think I remember that person saying goodnight to me and get well soon.

Get well soon? It’s not like I’m sick or anything, they think of me as a child too much.

I ruffle my hair in frustration, trying to erase the painful memories made yesterday.

I suddenly heard a soft knock on the door followed by the sound of door creaking, “Hanako-chan?” I hear Banjo call out to me. “Hmm?” was my only reply. He pushes the door open and walks in along with a tray of food. The food surprisingly looked good but I’m not really expecting much with its taste. I know that ghouls don’t eat human food so I know for a fact that he never took a bite to taste whether it tasted good or not.

“I brought food for you.” He says as he places it down on the table and takes the tray of food he left for me last night. “I’m not really feeling hungry…” I buried my head on a pillow and sprawled myself more on the bed.

I hear him heave out a sigh and come closer to me, he pats my head softly. “Come on, you haven’t eaten since yesterday.” I shooed his hands away from my head with my hands and buried my head even deeper on the pillow, “I’m fine..just..” My eyes peaked out of the pillow. “..just leave me alone..for now.”

He sighs and stood up from the bed, “I understand.”

“But you really need to eat something, it’s not good for your body when you skip meals. Even just a tiny bite, you’ll feel better, I promise you.” And with that, he exits the room and quietly shuts the door.

I lift my head from the pillow and look at the tray of food placed in front of me.

I extend my arms, trying to reach the plate of food placed on the tray.

Somehow, this memory is all too familiar…

“Come on, Hanako. Eat something!” The white haired boy coos on my lazy figure.

I’ve only recently finished a book that started out with a happy setting, only to finish it with a tragic ending. Needless to say, my spirit has been down since I’ve read that plot twist ending.

I whine under the white sheets I was hiding, “Leave me alone until I rot along with this book.”

I hear him chuckle and forcefully pulls the white sheet away from me, “Noooooo, you meanie!” I hit him playfully on his arm, he only smiles at me and folds the blanket neatly and throws it softly beside me.

“You’re the one telling me about all these ‘be happy’ and all those other positive stuff, can’t you do it to yourself?” He tucks the loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “But..but..but..” I continued to whine. “No buts, just one bite and you’ll feel all better.” He pats my head softly like I was a small puppy. “Okay…” I finally give in and I extend my arms, trying to reach the plate of food placed on the tray.

I stop and drop my arms down.

Right, no one is here to bug my personal space anymore. No one to brush my hair gently, No one to wake me up with a sweet kiss on the forehead, No one to tease around playfully on happy days, No one to be worried about, No one to protect from himself. No one.

I gently caress the empty space on my bed. I could almost still feel the ruffles he made on it everytime he sleeps on it.

My mind flashes back to the time where he would innocently sleep on it, all the troubles and stress brought to him by his fate disappears everytime he closes his eyes and drifts off to dreamland.

I bitterly smile at the memory and reached for his pillow. I hugged it as tight as I can, trying to inhale every inch of his scent left on it. Every sniff brought in memories of the past, the good and the bad.

I let the tears I’ve been holding back set free and wet his soft pillow.

And what’s even sadder, is the fact that I can’t do anything but mourn and recall the past because there’s nothing I can do to bring you back.

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I think this is possibly the first time ever that I posted a short chapter for this story lol c:
Anyways, I'm just really motivated to finish this so I can give you guys the sasaki x oc thing I've been planning on.

Also, DO NOT EVER TELL ME THAT KANEKI = HAISE. I've grown to love Haise as his character, not because he looked like Kaneki. I will protect my baby from people and stand on my point that Kaneki & Haise are two different people. Haise is the king of puns while Kaneki is the book God. END.OF.DIS.CUS.SION

so yeah, I'll try to update again this week ooorrr if my schedule forbids, then probably next week.

Thank you for reading c:
- ghoul-chan out!