EZH #4: Caspian Hernandez [COMPLETED]

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Warning: little bit of anxiety; violent actions; violent thoughts

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Hindi ko matagalan na makita si Caspian kasayaw si Neri the Angel. Add to the fact that the bitch was obviously riling me up. Kapag mas nainis ako at ipinakita kong naiinis ako, mas may pag aawayan kami ni Caspian.

One thing I couldn't afford since I didn't know what I'd do if ever mag away nga kaming dalawa.

Plus, papayag ba talaga ako na isang irrelevant person ang sisira sa amin?

I mean, given naman na wala talagang sturdy na foundation ang relasyon namin ni Caspian. That's partially the reason why I didn't want to fight with him.

Kasi paano kung mag away kami? Do we just stop what we were doing? Or aayusin ba namin like what normal couples do?

I don't think I was ready to figure that out. Isang bagay 'yun na kahit curious ako ay okay lang sa akin kahit hindi ko pa muna malaman ang sagot.

Tumayo ako at pumunta sa washroom. Nasa gilid iyon ng clubhouse kaya hindi ko na kailangan na dumaan doon sa may maraming tao. Para akong hinahabol ng sampung demonyo sa bilis ng lakad ko makarating lang sa washroom.

Pagpasok ko sa loob, parang nakahabol na sa akin ang mga tinatakbuhan ko. My thoughts suddenly crashed down on me like a heavy waterfall. Fortunately ay walang ibang tao sa washroom.

I quickly made my way inside a vacant cubicle. My breathing was starting to get ragged and I needed more space but I couldn't afford to show how weak I was in front of all the people outside.

Sumandal ako sa pader, trying hard to make my breathing back to normal. I wasn't too deep to need grounding, I just needed a moment to be alone and think and stop myself from hyperventilating.

I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet, propped my elbows on my lap and covered my face with my trembling hands. Pinilit ko na huminga nang malalim, paulit ulit hanggang sa bumalik sa normal ang paghinga ko. I wasn't thinking about anything particularly, my anxiety most likely caused by something subconscious.

Mabilis na naalala ko si Caspian at ang ilang beses na kinalma niya ako kapag bigla na lang akong inaatake ng anxiety out of nowhere. I barely stopped myself from whimpering. Tumulo ang iilang butil ng luha ko na hindi ko na napigil.

Because Caspian was just out there, dancing with a girl who was clearly into him.

I wanted him here to comfort me and chase my demons away just like how he promised he would. I wanted to just melt in his warm embrace and sleep and forget that I was even in a pathetic situation like this. But thinking about it now, I realized that what we do only works behind closed doors; in the safety of my own home.

Doon, I could let my guard down because Caspian would always be there for me. But outside, we were under the watchful stares of other people who wanted him to be theirs. Kaya dito sa labas, hindi pwedeng kumilos ako na parang akin siya.

Kasi... kasi hindi naman talaga.

Sino bang niloloko ko? Sino ba ako sa tingin ko para ipilit na akin si Caspian kahit hindi naman talaga?

Hindi siya akin. He was not meant for me. Hiniram ko lang siya, a temporary remedy to my personal version of hell. Pero hindi siya sa akin.

He might share my bed and my body with me but that was all there was with up. He would never be mine, in the purest form of that word.

Siguro para talaga siya doon sa mga katulad ni Neri. O kahit ni Anya kahit medyo kunulang sa utak ang babae na 'yun.

Baka kaya sobrang talino ni Caspian kasi para talaga siya sa mga bobita.