Won't You Help Me Out

18. Reputation

The group didn't talk about the matter through the next days, only Changkyun and Hyunwoo participated on a reunion that involved the other company's directors, which only ended up putting more pressure on the young rapper's shoulders. Their heavy schedule was the only thing that helped him keep his mind on steady grounds, but as soon as the week was over and the boys were allowed to go to their families Changkyun found himself alone in the group's dorms.

Hyunwoo had insisted he came with him to his own house but the rapper refused, deciding some time alone and away from his members could benefit him.

When he was alone after so much time being surrounded by so many people, Changkyun video called his parents and gave them the news.

"Maybe, you could make a list of the advantages of each company or band, like, the non-emotional factors," his father suggested perceiving his son's dilemma.

"Advantages? Well, I guess.. not being the maknae? Having all the raps for myself.. having more screen time and better payment since we'd be five and not seven. Now, regarding idol treatment, SM doesn't have the best reputation, at least comparing it to Starship; with Monsta I would have more promotion... I don't know, I-"

"Changkyun," his mother brought him out of his thoughts and muttering. "Having the possibility to choose between two entertainment companies is something unique, but I think it's something you would have only appreciated if it had happen to you in your trainee days.. now, Starship took you when your previous company had to let you go, the same way they did by giving your Shownu hyung another opportunity, SM is a big company that would probably never do such a thing; I believe they have big plans which would benefit you and your previous members, but you have responsibilities now. You already debuted. You are no longer a trainee whose decision will only affect himself, but they will now mark the future for other ex-trainees as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Your father is right, there's many advantages and disadvantages on both leaving and staying, you already know them. You already talked to your group too, and yes you still have to talk it out with your previous group; your decision must be based on all of those things, but also on what you want."

"I know I don't want to leave Monsta X."

"I am proud of you," his father smiled. "That you're considering the other people's feelings, I think you should start thinking on how you're telling your friends what you just told us."

He only nodded.

That night, lying on Hyunwoo's bed, Changkyun sent three messages.

He agreed to see Nu'Bility's ex-members the very next day; he sent Christmas wishes to Monsta X's group chat; and he sent 'I miss you,' to his boyfriend, getting 'I love you,' as response.

Changkyun was now sitting alone in the furthest corner of a pretty empty cafeteria in the outsides of the city, his right leg wouldn't stop bouncing and giving away how anxious he was, and his eyes were wondering to the door every few seconds. Not long after, four guys walked through that door, and Changkyun stood up suddenly feeling ill.

He was so happy of seeing his hyungs and his dongsaeng after so long; but it was a bittersweet feeling, because in the span of a second, them being there brought more memories than his mind did alone in the previous days.

"Hyung!" Jongyeon spot Changkyun before the rest and rushed over him, almost knocking over the rapper by jumping to his arms.

"Gosh, you've grown Yeonnie," he laughed hugging the younger back. "How have you been?"

The other only smiled and let the rest of the guys greet Changkyun.

After they all sat down and ordered something to eat Changkyun began with the inevitable conversation, "so, I heard you were hanging out without me?"