Broken Dreams #1 : A Light To My Darkest Days

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Stepsiblings

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I can feel the beat of my heart, how my chest rise and fall as if He will take me anytime. Even the room was filled with silence, for I cannot even take the atmopshere.

I clenched my fists and closed my eyes, it's better to embrace the dark than seeing the vivid sceneries that tears me up. Deep down, I was trembling with fear. I'm so scared...

Now that I had come up with this improptu plan, I'm not sure if it's going to work but I am praying that everything will go exactly what I predicted in my mind.

Humugot ako ng isang malalim na buntong-hininga bago pihitin ang pinto. Unang sumalubong sa akin ang bulto ng lalaki, referring to my step-brother with his eyes that pierced through my soul, parang sinusubukan niya akong takutin gamit ang kanyang mga mata na walang buhay.

Tapos sunod na nagtagpo ang mga mata namin ng babae na malamig ang mga mata, tila hindi siya interesado na bumisita. Thinking about that thought was enough to shatter my heart into pieces.

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na hindi lang pagkamuhi ang nararamdaman ko sa mga stepsiblings ko, pati rin ang pagkalumbay.

Lumbay kasi kahit na malapit ako aa kanila, parang malayo pa rin ang distansya namin.

They were just near but I felt as if they are too far away. Distant from me as if I need to walk a thousand miles until I can finally embrace them...

"Hi, ate," alam kong napipilitan lang sila na sabihin ako na 'ate'. It's not new to my ears anymore.

"Ashley, darling. I missed you!" Mother exclaimed dramatically and pulled me in a warm embrace.

God! I missed this moment. Yung mayroong yayapos sa'yo na tila ba'y pinapadama sa akin na mahal ako.

Iginiya ko si mama sa sala upang maging komportable. Sumunod rin si papa pero nakatuon ang kanyang mga mata sa mga gamit ko. As if he was observing everything. From the ceiling down to the floor. Kung makaasta, parang siya ang mayordroma, ang nagmamaneho ng mga katulong sa bahay.

Kinibit ko na lang ang aking mga balikat at pilit na ngumiti sa kanila. Nararamdaman ko rin ang namumuong pawis sa noo ko. At this rate, I feel as if my angst is capable of driving me in an obnoxious state.

"Kumusta ka na, hija?" Tanong niya.

Parang mamamatay ako dito, ma. Ayoko na po dito sa mundo. I want a fresh start but I don't know how to restart again. I mean, how could I even do that when the race had already started?

All I need to do is move forward until I finished all the laps.

Syempre, hindi ko sinabi sa kanila ang katuwiran ng aking damdamin, pilit akong ngumiti sa kanila kahit ako'y nahihirapan na. I wasn't really trained to mask up my pain and hide my feelings from others, especially to the ones who left a mark in my heart. Nililinlang ko sila kahit hindi nila alam.

"I'm okay, mom. Kayo po?"

"Hay naku, okay lang kami. Huwag kang mag-alala," sambit niya. "Though, our mansion is not complete without you, honey," dagdag niya.

"I heard the news that your roommate died."

Matipid akong tumango at lihim na kinuyom ang aking mga kamao. Sa kalaliman ng aking puso, hindi ko pa rin lubos na matanggap ang pagkawala ni Kenji. It was so sudden and unforeseen that I didn't even had the chance to say goodbye before he closed his eyes and disappeared in my sight...forever.

"Kung nasaan man siya ngayon, sana masaya na siya."

Muli akong tumango at huminga ng malalim. "Yeah, he deserved to be happy."