Never Thought

Chapter 33

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Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.
- Dolly parton

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"I want to talk to you" was the first thing I said as I entered Aiden's room without a warning. I was confused to find him gone. For a change his room was also neat and clean with bits and pieces on the floor. 'Where did he go?' I thought as I made my way downstairs calling out his name, he was still nowhere to be found. Maybe he just left for school early, I thought even though knowing Aiden I knew how stupid that sounded. Not thinking much of it. I made my way back into my room to get ready for school.

Arriving at school I made my way into my first class, with still no sign of Aiden. As I entered the room I saw Ace and Mike both bickering around as usual. "Hey guys!" I greeted them and their attention snapped to me. "Hi" they both said in unison and I waved at them. "Where's Aiden?" Mike was the first one to ask and I looked at him confused. "You don't know either?" I asked them both and they both shook their head. "He wasn't at home when I got up and he is not here. Maybe try his phone? He might pick up?" I told them both keeping my anxiety at bay. Where can he be? Ace took his phone and dialled his number putting it on speaker. He was soon greeted by an automated voice of Aiden saying leave a message. I pushed the nagging feeling in my head aside and took my seat as the teacher came in. "He'll be ok, dont worry" Ace assured me and I gave him a fake smile back. "Hopefully" I mumbled trying to focus on the lecture.
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It was towards the end of the school. I was sitting in my last lesson, with still no sign of Aiden. Mike and Ace both tried calling him at lunch with no success. After alot of grilling they told me that he has never done something like this before, he always informs one of them before leaving. I had a funny feeling this was to do with our little encounter last night. Maybe I was to harsh on him. I clearly, care for him and like him. Love however I did not do. Love took everything away from me. And I never wanted to love anyone. But then this worry, anxiety and panicky feeling came back to me. I was now getting extremely worried about him. I just needed to know if he was ok. I was aching to hear his voice. Just something, even if it is a hello. As stupid as it sounded I really missed him. And I just wanted him back. As soon as the bell rang, I was the first out of the class. I made my way towards the parking lot where Ace and Mike where waiting for me. "Any news?" I asked them as I got in their earshot. And they both shook their head. "Even we are starting to get worried. It's like he disappeared from the face of earth." Mike spoke clearly frustrated. Suddenly a location popped in my mind. "You guys get going, go home he might have left some note or something." I told them and started walking backwards "where are you going?" They both shouted again "I'll be back in an hour" I called out and ran out of the school to close by taxi station.

As the taxi stopped at the fairyland and I ran out calling Aiden's name but much to my dismay he was nowhere to be seen. I didnt know what to do. All these bad thoughts ran through my mind as I sinked to the floor tears escaping my eyes. Maybe my dad got to him. Maybe he got into an accident. probably a fight. He could be in the hospital or maybe kidnapped."Where are you Aiden?" I sniffled as I got up walking closer to the pond. Reminiscing the moment we had here. The kiss we shared. My first ever kiss that I gave away to Aiden of all people. I couldn't think straight anymore as I made my way back towards the taxi. Hoping, praying that he has reached home safe.
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It was almost after dinner now. I had completed my work was now sitting in the living room waiting for Aiden to return. "Maybe he lost connection or his phone died, dont worry Ella he'll be ok. He is Aiden afterall" Ace consoled me and I just nodded. Pushing all my random thoughts away. I excused myself as I made my way towards the bathroom. Washing my face to get rid of my teary eyes I spotted my razor at the corner of the shower. Without thinking I grabbed it. I hadn't thought of doing it for a long time. Since I came to Aidens place I hadn't cut myself, I was starting to live like a normal teenager. Why did I suddenly have the urge to it? Why did I want to take this aching pain from my heart away? Why was I feeling this pain? Why couldn't I take my mind of Aiden? What was wrong with me? All these questions ran through my mind and without giving it another thought I placed the razor near my wrist and with a slash made a cut. Not to deep but enough to draw out blood. Why was I doing this? I didnt know but before I could stop myself I made 3 cuts above and below the other cut. I clearly wasn't thinking straight I wanted nothing more than this ache to go away. And cutting gave me relief. It took my pain away momentarily and thats exactly what I needed. A sudden knock brought me out of my daze. "You okay Ella?" Mike spoke from behind the door and making me panic. "Yes, be out in a sec" I rushed back pouring water over my cut to stop it from bleeding. I grabbed a bandage from under the sink from the first aid box and pasted it on my cuts. Pulling my sweater over my wrist. And wiping my face clean. I opened the door to see Mike standing nearby. "You okay?" He asked again and I just nodded. He walked downstairs again. Me following close behind him. As I entered the room I saw none other than Aiden himself sitting on the sofa with his legs slightly parted, arms on his knees and his head between his hands. He looked up as he saw me approaching and just looked at me with such intensity in his eyes. Neither of us made a move we just stood there looking at each other. I was the first to pull away my gaze from him, scanning his entire body looking for any signs of bruise or blood, releasing a sigh of relief when I saw none. without saying a word to him I looked over at Ace "I'll get the dinner out" I mumbled as I turned around only to be stopped by Ace as he grabbed my wrist making me flinch. He let go immediately but that didnt go unnotice by Aiden as he looked at me and then my wrist which I was now holding close to my chest. "Sorry" Ace muttered holding his hands up. Thankfully not suspecting anything. However I could not say the same for a certain blue eyed boy. "We aren't actually hungry" Ace spoke again. "And its getting pretty late so we should go." He looked over at Mike who just nodded in agreement. Probably trying to leave me and Aiden both alone after noticing the awkwardness between us. "You can sleep here" I tried to reason. I didnt want to be left alone with Aiden. Not now anyways. "Go!" Aiden spoke not taking his eyes of me throughout this entire conversation. Ace and Mike without saying another word made their way out of the house. As the door shut behind them Aiden slowly made his way over to me. And I tried to walk past him. "I'm sleepy" I said trying to make him move. "Really? For what I heard you were really worried and crying" he said as he brought his hand upto my face. Blood rushing in my cheeks as he caressed it with his soft hands. "I wasn't" I surprised myself at how confident I sounded when all I wanted to do was hug him right now. I tried walking past him again and he held my wrist making me flinch again. This was the first time he moved his gaze away from my eyes and turned it to my wrist. I tried to wiggle it out of his hand but he only held on tighter. By now I was starting to feel the pain through my arm and little blood was starting to pour out. He simply folded my sweater revealing my poorly bandaged cuts on my wrist that now had blood seeping out from them. "Let me go" I hissed up at him and he just pulled held my wrist being careful not the touch my cuts and dragged me upstairs towards his room.

Without saying another word he bandaged my cuts before heading into the washroom bringing out a bloodied razor in his hand. "Why?" He simply asked me. And I suddenly got an urge of confidence in me. "You of all people do not get to ask me that" I said pointing my finger up at him. He remained calm a bit too calm for my liking and just repeated his question "why" he asked me again. And I walked upto him as started hitting his chest with both my hands balled in a fist, barely hurting him. "Where the hell were you? Do you have any idea how worried I was? I went everywhere, looked everywhere. The back of the school. Fairy land. The garden. You were no where. I thought I though-t" I said as my voice broke at the last word a sob escaping my lips. "What if something happened to you?" I sobbed as I kept hitting him. He held both my wrist in his hands stopping me from hurting him and I made the mistake to look up at him. Light tears covered his eyes as he was adamant not to let them fall and I broke as I saw him. Hugging him. Feeling his warmth, his cologne, his smell. I hugged him tight and he hugged me back with just as much force. He let me cry into his shirt as he ran his hand through my hair his face near my neck, inhaling my scent. Trying to calm me down. "I'm here" he kept whispering near my ear calming me down and soon I stopped. I was just hiccuping as he released me and brought his hand up to wipe my tears away. "Why?" He repeated the same question from the start. "Because... you were gone. I looked for you. And I thought something happened to you. My dad got to you. Or you got into a fight, someone kidnapped. All these things ran through my mind and I couldnt get them out. So I-I" I stopped as I looked down ashamed. "So you cut yourself?" he asked, anger evident in his voice. "Jesus Bella! Do you have any idea how wrong this could go? You could have died! Why the hell would you do something so stupid" he held me by my shoulders as he tried to sound angry, but really just came across worried and I just looked down. Unable to reply him. He just sighed and turned us around so my back was touching his door and I could feel his breath on my face. "Promise me, you'll never do something like this again Bella?" And I nodded. "Say it" he urged "I promise I wont hurt myself again" I muttered and he moved my hair out of my face as he brought himself more closer to me. If that was even possible. "Where were you?" I questioned him again and he let me go turning his back to me "with Melissa" he spoke and I felt a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. 'Jealousy maybe' my subconscious spoke before I shut her off. "So all this time, when Ace, Mike and I were worried about you. You were with Melissa?" I asked suddenly feeling extremely angry. "Yup" he said popping the 'p' I was now fuming as I shook my head scoffing. "I can't believe you" I spoke mockingly. "What?" He suddenly spoke as he turned around a smirk on his face. "Why? jealous?" He cooked his head to the side as he spoke. "You wish!" I muttered and opened his door slamming it on the way out. How dare he. He told me loved me, kissed me and then went to fuck Melissa of all people. I was pacing around the room angry when I heard the doorbell. Walking outside my room I saw none other than the queen bee herself at the entrance. She was hugging Aiden. And he was hugging her back. Why was I getting jealous? Why did I not like this interaction? This relationship. He can do whatever he wants. Yet, I couldn't control myself before I could stop myself, I found myself padding downstairs towards the said queen bee and tapped her on her shoulder. Aiden looking at me with an unread emotion on his face throughout. As soon as she turned to face me, my hand came in contact with her cheek followed by a shocked expression on her face. I looked up at Aiden one last time before I turned around and walked back upstairs into my room. Slamming the door shut making sure he hears it.
Man, that felt good.