Never Thought

Chapter 9

***********************************
I'm always either used replaced or forgotten. I understand that. But what I dont understand is why? I always try my hardest to make people happy, and to mean something to them. But it nevet works. I'm always worth shit to everyone, everytime.
------- unknown
***********************************

Arriving at the school gate I took a deep breath before entering the school. I kept my head low as I walked inside trying to stay as invisible as possible. Walking straight to my locker, I opened it and put all the necessary items in while taking out the ones I needed. As I closed my locker my heart almost leaped out of my chest and I let out a loud scream seeing mickey infront of me grinning goofily."what the fidgetyfudge?" I hissed at him keeping my hand on my chest trying to control my breathing. Mickey only looked up at me "fidgetyfudge?" he questioned in amusement. "yes! I dont like swearing in public" I mumbled up at him only adding more to his amusement. "when did this happen? as far as I remember you loved swearing and Adam would always yell at you for it." he coughed clearly trying to cover up his laughter. I stiffened at the mention of his name but still tried to act normally but the act soon dropped when he asked me one question I knew I couldn't answer. "How's he anyway? haven't seen him around yet" blinking back the tears in my eyes I held my bag tightly against my shoulder whispering two venomous words that caused the smile to slip from his face "he's dead" not wanting to explain him anything further I quickly walked away before he could ask me a question.

Walking at the back of the school far in the forest I held in a sob with my hand on my mouth as I finally sat on the ground near a lake. I dont know what I will say to Mickey the next time I see him. He will definitely want to know if I was lieing or not and I can't just tell him the truth beacuse then I'll have to explain him stuff that I possibly can't do. Looking up at the sky I lied down on the grass with both my hands on my stomach and thought about what would happen if Adam was still here. If he would have been here standing beside me. Maybe I wouldnt have been so broken. Maybe I would have been more stronger and could face the world along with there torturous question. Wiping away a stray tear that had managed to escaped I sat back up on the sound of footsteps coming my way and turned my head to see Aiden standing behind me with a cancer stick in his hand looking as handsome as ever. Shaking my head to get rid of the stupid thoughts I said a quick hey to him only to be greeted by a nod in return as he plopped down next to me. To be honest what he said last night was still hovering in my mind but with time I've learnt to let things go, so I just decided to try and forget about what he said to me and act as normal as I can with him. We sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke "what are you doing here?" surprised by his question I looked at him before answering "I could ask you the same thing" he narrowed his eyes in response and a scowl formed on his face as he spoke "you shouldn't be here, this place isn't safe" he answered ignoring my previous statement.
I smiled a little at the thought of him being concerned about my safety but knowing him I decided to keep it to myself or who knows what I'll get to hear in response. After a minute of picking on the grass I decided to ask him a question "how did you find this place anyway? its quite far from school" he only shrugged his shoulders in response before lightening up his cancer stick. "those things kill you, you know" I mumbled wanting to get him to stop smoking. He lit it up anyway and took a drag before answering me "yea I know, but I dont care, its not like I have family waiting for me back home" he mumbled the last part so quietly that I barely heard him. But knowing the fact that I wasn't suppose to hear that piece of information I didn't question him any further on it. I decided to study his features as he looked at the lake with a far away look in his eyes. He had a perfectly chiseled jaw and a light stubble along his jaw line which was barely noticeable and his blue electrifying eyes reminded me of water, pure clear water that hid alot of secrets and sadness under its depth. If you look closely you could also see a small cute mole near the corner of his pink fluffy lips that were begging for attention. Not realising the words that slipped out my mouth I spoke before my brain could even register what I was about to say "you have a cute mole" I spoke so quietly that I thought he wouldn't hear me but the way his head jerked my way I knew he heard me loud and clear as his eyes narrowed at me I snapped out of my daze and slapped my hand to my mouth cursing myself for not keeping my mouth shut. "I-II you'r eyes are blue" I blurted out trying to cover up my previous statement "N-Not that I-I was looking at them, they just remind me of water you know pure and clear water, If you look closely you can also see sadness. Are you sad? not that you would want to tell me. I mean you hate me, and think I'm ugly, you wouldn't possibly want to tell me you're secret not that I'm interested in knowing them. Okay maybe I am just a little. But you'r sad I dont like seeing people sad, because I get sad all the time and I dont want others to be sad because then this world will turn into sadness and that would be so sad to watch so yeah I don't want people to be sad, you should also try and make people happy it causes less sadness in the world, but wait why are you even sad?" I rambled on breathing heavily at the end, not understanding a word that just came out of mouth. What the heck is wrong with me? I never ramble I always keep quite but then why the hell was I rambling on infront of Aiden. Great. Now he'll think that i'm complete looney. why the fudge did I have to open my stupid stupid mouth. Now he'll hate me even more than he usually does. Snapping out my thoughts I looked at Aiden and his mouth was slightly parted while he looked at me with confused and a frowning face. Not wanting to hear what he had to say about my pathetic rambling speech I quickly stood up dusting my jeans and grabbing my bag while I started walking backwards his eyes still stuck to mine with same face as before and I gave him a nervous smile as I spoke "I'm s-ssooo-o so-orry-y, I-I dont-t know what-t's wrong with me. But I'll go now-w. Yeah." wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans I gave him another nervous glance before turning around running to some place where I could possibly shout, scream and punch myself for making such a fool out of myself.