Every time.

I love you

  I love you.

For months I've been willing myself to tell him that, And it's not like I've never said it before, I've told Alex, Winn , James, J'onn, and Eliza, but when it comes to saying those words to Mon-el it's just....well it's just hard.

I've spent months planning on how I'd tell him ,and let's just say this is not how I was planning it to go.

*Earlier today*

I didn't want to push the button but he insisted I did, so I ended making the worst decision of my life, I pressed the button which emitted lead dust around the entire planet causing Mon-el fall to his knees (as did the thousands of other daxamites that were previously terrorizing the earth) and suddenly I was put into a position of which I had to sacrifice a huge source my happiness to save my planet...I had to send away the person I'd wake up to every day, I ended up sending away the person that made me laugh daily, I ended up sending away the person that comforted me, I ended up sending away the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I ended up sending away Mon-el.

I told Alex to send my pod into a field so I could send him into space where he'd be safe from all the toxic lead that was infiltrating his lungs, but before he actually stepped in the pod he told me "Wherever I go I'm gonna be better because of you....you'll be in my heart...and I promise I'm gonna be the man that you thought I could be....I promise" Hearing him say this broke my heart, couldn't he already see that he was?

Not having that much time to tell him that I reply "you've made me so happy" which made him smile and pull me into a tearful kiss, when we pulled away I gave him my mother's necklace and told him "here take this—this'll keep you safe" I pulled him into my arms once more so I could kiss him again, and when we pulled apart I finally told him what I've been struggling to say for months, "I love you....and I should've have said it before" I say with even more tears falling down my face, he gives me a small teary chuckle before responding

"I love you"

I knew what it felt like to lose my world already and today I just lost it again, and not only did I lose my world I lost a piece of myself....I lost him.
____________________________________
Did I spend an hour rewriting this? Yes..yes I did , but I was worth it! 😊💖😂