Start

The Disaster.

2013, October 30th Morning, 3rd year of college.

More school, more work to be done. More stress, but I need this for my future job. Yes, I do have a future job that I want. And yes I know I'm a drug-addicted who wants a job "I do actually have a dream job already!" I said to myself. "Ms. Madison! your late again" said my professor "Sorry I had to do things..." He didn't care he just turned around and proceeded to teach the class. Madison: 'Prick!' said the voice cursing him out. I took a seat and took out my book and my pens. "Everyone thought you were dead," said a student next to me.
Well, He has a point there. A very good point. I wanted to die. I wish. After classes, I went to the hospital where my mom was. "Elizabeth Sky Scarlett," I asked once more. I walked and I prayed for God to let there be no one. I walked scared it felt like the same feeling when I went to see my father...But this time it's my mother's turn. I couldn't walk my legs were shaking and I couldn't walk normally it felt like I was floating, my heart was bouncing like crazy it made my whole body vibrate...I prayed to God to give me a chance to talk her before anything I prayed she was still alive. I looked inside scared, the room and I see my mom on the bed. Is she sleeping? I walk in and my mom woke up and looked at me.

"Madison...?" she sounded weak "Hi mom," I said sitting on the seat next to her bed. " Oh, madison ... mi bebé (Oh, Madison...My baby)" said my mom placing her old and weak hands on my hand, making me wanna cry. " Madison, quería pedirte perdón, cariño ... lo siento por todo. Madison! (Madison I wanted to say sorry sweetie...I'm sorry for everything. Madison!)" said My mom crying "Hija, ya sabes ... Siempre te amé, hija ... ¡perdoname por no estar allí para ti! ¡Hija, siempre te amé! incluso en los buenos y malos momentos, aunque no te demostré amor o cuidado, ¡lo siento! Te dejé sola Hija lo siento! (Sweetie you know...I always loved you, sweetie... Forgive me for not being there for you! sweetie I always loved you! even in good and bad times even though I didn't show you love or care I'm sorry!  I left you alone sweetie I'm sorry!)" said My mother sobbing and I cried as well. " Ma...I love you! it was my fault for not being there for you while when you needed me. I always loved you ma I never hated you ma I always loved you ma... (Ma ... te amo! fue mi culpa por no estar allí para ti cuando me necesitabas. Siempre te amé ma Nunca te odié ma Siempre te amé ma ...)" I said crying like an idiot. How blind could I have been? My mother cleaning my cheeks where are the tears are rolling down. " Mom I don't want you to go like dad no I don't want you to leave me alone no mom not now! Please!  (Mamá, no Quiero Que te vayas como papá, no, ¡no Quiero que me dejes solo, no, mamá, no ahora! ¡Por favor!)" I said crying and hugging her as she hugged me back. And both hugged until we stop crying are eyes out.

I left soon after because my mother told me that my brothers and sister are coming soon so I left afterwords with a goodbye kiss in the cheek and the head. I went home feeling depressed and disappointed in myself, I'm going to lose the one I love I don't think I could cope with another loss. I try not to think about it. But if my mom dies and then I'm going have no parents left... for me the word "parent" doesn't even exist for me. It was 1 am and I was still in the streets, the reason why because I wanted heroin because I relieve the pain out my body and my mind. I walked around on some shady place, I looked and looked and I saw some guy like just standing there freezing because it was really cold. Why didn't I ask my Gianna? because Gianna is not awake at this hour and I would have to take a train in a cab which I don't want to. So I decided to take matters in my own hands. To go at night to ask a stranger in a shady place. I told myself what was I gonna say to him. I walked towards and said, "Hey do you know who sells the stuff meaning heroin and those kinds of shit?" I said sounding stupid, I mean who asks that? a random stranger. "A female asking for heroin?" said the man stepping back a bit I was overthinking maybe he is not a druggie maybe he is homeless? I didn't really know. "What? what's wrong with a female asking for heroin? can't we be druggies as well?" I said answering his question. "Oh yeah totally..." he said sarcastically "Ugh! I don't have patience! do you want my money or what!?" I said started with a whisper and ends with a louder note, the reason why I didn't have patience because I needed to go home because Lailani is going to be worried or suspect something. "Okay here," said the man rushed "How mu-  "78$ dollars," said the guy nervous and rushed, I gave him the money and I left. 

I put my two packs of heroin at the back of my pocket and my two packs of small amounts of cocaine inside my jacket. I get to the house and I take out my keys and try to be quiet. Madison: 'Don't fuck up, don't fuck up! DON'T FUCK UP!' said the stupid voice making me feel even more nervous and careful. I walk slowly...very slowly. I make it to my room and open the door a little bit until "The front door!" I said whispering to myself because of the shocking discovery. I started to walk until I notice a hand touching the door and closing it. Then the lights turned on its Lailani?! "Holy shit! Oh, my fuckin god! I thought you were a ghost!" I said almost having a heart attack. "Where the hell were you?" said Lailani yelling at me. "I was somewhere, why are you so mad for?" I said annoyed. "Why? WHY?" said Lailani walking towards my room and turning on the lights and taking out something. Oh shit a syringe or should I say "That's yours!" said Lailani holding my syringe with careful. I didn't say anything "Tell me!? Huh?" said Lailani shouting " I have problems okay?!" I said shout because I do have problems.

"Is this the reason why your mother kicked you out?!" said Lailani finding out the truth. I didn't say quietly because I was stupid for making it so obvious. "It is, isn't," said Lailani "Okay I admit it...I lied to you" I said giving in. Lailani was so frustrated with me is she sat down on her couch "Madison..." she sighed and continued "Madison...you can't live here anymore, I'm sorry" she said making her decision "What? no, you can't I have no place to go!" I said worriedly I can't go back to my mother's house! I don't wanna be homeless, where am I going to live! "I'll give you until next year to find a house, but if you don't find a house your out!" said Lailani, I realized that I was doomed. I went to my room and put my stuff in bags since I didn't have a suitcase and I checked my bank account I have "1 million...shit that's not enough" I said to my whispering to myself Madison: 'Where did you get such money?' said the stupid voice "Because of working and saving from 6 years ago and money from my birthday when I use to live with mother and college money and selling the green..." I said explaining to the voice inside my head. I need to find a house as soon as possible.

Next Chapter...