•°*∆ѕσηɡ ɓίɾδ∆*°• (Bill cipher x reader)

🌻19🌻

(Y/n pov)

I know I'm not dead, after Seventeen years of living, surprisingly, I'm not dead, but I don't feel alive either. this whole time, this whole happy blinded life without family, I've been faking it. I'm not the person bill sees me as and I don't think I'm the person I know myself as either. I see myself, but I'm younger, standing across from me. she smiles at me, telling me I'm doing everything just right, that I shouldn't let past memories change my present. sadly I'm so deep down the words are too blurred for me to understand them. I can hear them, but I can't.

I want to be able to see again, thats what I want. I want to see mom, dad, bill. I want to see the birds and grass. I want to see trees and roses. I want to see myself.

my feelings have exploded from there binds, my wantings have come out from the shadows, even though they know they cant be satisfied. I feel hands are being wrapped around me, I know its bill, but I can't see him, I can only feel him. I can only hear him pleading for me to wake up, for me to move, cry, laugh, or do anything. but I can't cry mentally or physically. my damned injury, it took more than I ever thought I needed. you really don't miss something until its gone.

I'm living peoples worse nightmares, I'm haunted by my worst nightmares. I can feel my body on the wooden tile in front of the stairs. I want to scream.

I want to scream the feelings away. tears can no longer flood from my eyes. but my throat still has a voice erupting inside of it. I want to fix myself, but it will take time, but really I've already had enough to be fixed by now, so why aren't I? I whimper. I can fell bills handshake.

my mind goes back to that day, where I met bill, his voice, the soft feeling of his skin. the blood from his head on my fingers, the bandages I wrapped around it. I want to tell him. I want to tell him that I love him and that I always have. even before I met him before I knew his voice before I imagined what he looked like.

I want to tell him how my father left and how my mother abused me. I want to say 'my mother did it, she made me this way' and I wonder what's stopping me. if I do it now, he will know. it's so easy to say the words, but hard to get them out.

I look, all I see is black, but. I feel a bill, and thats when I know, I'm still here. I'm still alive. I still have a life. I reach to his hands wrapped around my torso. his head is buried deep into my shoulder. I can hear him shouting at me. shouting in a tone I know, but it's not the same as I remember it. I find my voice, letting out a signal I'm still here.

"bill." I cry, but I'm not crying, I can't. "please bill.." I trail "just help me.." I feel the feelings bubbling up into my mouth, like a bucket of water, or an ocean of fish. I scream, I scream so loud my ears rattle, along with my heart. "MY GOD! MY GOD! PLEASE! BILL PLEASE!" bill lets go of me. my feelings are bursting out without a filter.

"I WANT TO SEE AGAIN!" i hear his breathing. I bury my face int my hands, scratching my cheeks with my fingernails, "mymomdidthismymomdidthisshedidthistome" I run together, lifting my hands to ball my hair into my fist, I face the direction I hear bills breathing. my body is shaking and my voice is crying.
"she did what to you..? (y/n) what did she do??!"
my body stairs at him, mouth a gap. "my mom did it..she's the reason I cant...shes... I can't." I open my eyes, showing him the protruding, ugly holes in my two orbs, splitting from my cornea to my lashes. the wounds so deep in my eyes its cut into there color, draining it of there hue. alls thats left of my once buetiful eyes are two scabby, gary, purple, and black rips.

and just like thats i tell him everthing. i tell him ow my father left. i tell him how my mom was throwing up in the trash can, crying into her vomit. i tell him about the check. i explain my mothers trasnsition from parent to monster. the broken bottles, the stabbing, hitting and curing. I remember that day. when I held the picture and my hands, wearing my pretty dress, I remember dropping it and my mother raising the glass to my face. her breath smelling foul. my eyes are closed now, not wanting to embarrass myself with there ugliness any further.

(bills pov)

I stand there, eyes wide and mouth open. I want to move but am unable. never have I ever cared for a human. never have I ever been effected by there stories. never have I loved one. I remember the night I made my plan, my plan to stay with (y/n) until I could use her to make a deal with her that would go forth to many more deals. she was another pawn, a piece on my chessboard, similar and no different to the others. I told myself I wouldn't get attached. I told myself I wouldn't feel, I would never fell like a human, I'm better than a human, I'm better than everyone, I'm better than everything, I will own this small planet, thats what I told myself.

I don't know when it happened, started or when it will end. but somehow I fell for her, her laugh, her hair, her smile, her face, the way she found good in everything. looking down at her form, broken and thrown away. I know I didn't fall in love with this person, this side of her. but I can't help but love it as well, along with all of her. once again I remember the deal. the deal was so I could go along in my plan but does the plan even matter anymore? probably not. I deiced to use the deal for something else. not something for a plan, but for progression. for her to have what she always longed for.

I make a stance, holding out my hand for hers. my palms alit in a flam as I speak the words that give some, chills up there spins.

"(y/n), ..will you make a deal with me?"