Whole Lot More

Chapter Forty One

Chapter Forty One

Brynne rolled her eyes at the man standing in front of her apartment door and sighed, "What do you want, Josh?"

"Sorry I didn't mean it the way it came out, but look-" He took in her messy hair, rumpled clothes and stuff all over her apartment. "This isn't you, Brynne."

The Brynne everyone in North Carolina knew was organized, neat and well-kept.

"Are you done insulting me now Josh or would like to throw in a few more jabs? I'm sure there's something else around here for you to give your opinion on."

Josh sighed,"I didn't come here to insult you, Brynne."

"Sure seems like that."

"You certainly are being quite the little snide bitch though aren't you?" Josh knew that comment would either get him slapped or let into her apartment.

She folded her arms across her chest and scowled, "Then enlighten me Snider, what are you here for? Or better yet - who are you here for?"

He held up his hands in defense and nodded towards her apartment, "Can we at least go inside? That way the entire floor doesn't know your personal business."

"Honestly at this point I could really care less who knows my personal business," Brynne said as she let him into the apartment, "Make yourself at home."

Josh looked around the apartment - there was stuff everywhere, and it was obviously not where it all belonged, "It's... homey..."

"You can call it whatever you want to call it Josh. I know its dirty - I haven't gotten the chance to clean it up in awhile."

"No worse than my place," Josh shrugged.

"But you're a guy - it's expected for you to live like a pig." Silence spanned between them before Brynne sighed again, "For real this time Josh, what are you doing here?"

"Why don't you go and get clean up and composed Brynne and then we'll talk? I'm not used to seeing you so - unkempt... and it's weird. Besides, I think my man Lucky here needs to go outside, so I'll do that and meet you back here."

"Yes mommy, now go." Once he made sure she was actually going to go, he looked down at Brynne's dog, "Ready to go for a walk, Lucky?" At the words 'walk', the dog's ears perked up and his tail wagged happily, "You sure are a smart dog... just like your owner."

With Lucky on his leash, the two set out for a quick walk while Brynne was taking a shower and cleaning herself up.

*~*

Brynne stood under the hot spray from the showerhead and sighed. She was not ready for Martin's life to come crashing back into hers again. She had run from North Carolina to separate herself from it; and now Josh's mysterious appearance in Boston brought it all back.

Then again, why was Josh's appearance so surprising to her? Because I thought it was going to be Martin showing up on my doorstep, not Josh.

Was she disappointed? She wasn't sure whether it was that or she was relieved. Josh was a lot less scary to her than Martin because she didn't have feelings for Josh like she did Martin. She didn't love Josh - he was only a friend. And he wasn't the one whose actions had sent her into this downward spiral.

But at the same time, she had figured all along that it would be Martin to show up groveling for forgiveness.

Would it be more effective in her mind for it to be Martin?

Probably; but she knew she had to at least give Josh a chance to plead Martin's case - he had flown from North Carolina to talk to her more than likely on Martin's behalf.

She pulled on some more presentable clothes - not as comfortable, sure - but definitely more presentable; and headed back to the living room.

She'd give Josh a chance and hear him out, but that didn't mean Josh's surprise visit would make her forgive Martin. From her point of view, that was going to take much longer.

*~*

Josh and Lucky walked back into the apartment, Lucky once again taking up residence on the end of the couch. Josh slowly meandered around the little apartment, picking up all the garbage and tossing it all out.

He picked up all the dirty dishes and carried them into the kitchen, taking the time to rinse them all off and place them carefully in the little dishwasher. After all were done, he placed the dishwasher soap in and started it up.

Brynne chose that moment to make her presence known, standing in the small entrance of the kitchen. "What are you doing, Josh?"

"Just cleaning stuff up."

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's not a big deal Brynne," he shrugged, "Just less you have to worry about doing later."

He wasn't so bad of a guy. "Why don't we go sit down and talk Josh? I have a feeling that's why you're really here - not to clean up my house." He nodded. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Just whatever you have."

She opened the refrigerator and grabbed two bottles of water - she suspected by the end of the conversation she might need something a little bit stronger; something she didn't have at the moment.

Josh was settled in the chair across from the couch when she walked back into the living room and took her seat next to Lucky, immediately burying her hands in the short hair of her dog's back. "So... why are you here Josh?"

"I think that's a stupid question coming from you."

She nodded. "I think the better question is, why didn't he come here himself like I was expecting him to?"

"He wanted to - in fact, he was going to; but they're keeping such a close eye on him - Bono, Teresa and Junior - to make sure he doesn't just take off when he still has races to run. He wouldn't have made it far at all, so I was the next best solution - I had no real reason for being at the track other than to hang out, so I was the perfect person to come check on you. Besides-"

He hesitated.

"What Josh?"

"I'm so sick of anti-social Martin," he said honestly, "He's either moping around or in a pissed off mood. I just want the old Martin back - the Martin whose so massively in love with you that he can't see straight, that is so happy to have you around that no one and nothing can wipe the smile off his face."

"Josh-"

"No Brynne just listen for a minute. Martin is so in love with you still Brynne, that he still can't see straight; can't think straight. And without you there, without you around, well - he doesn't know what to do anymore. All he wants is to talk to you Brynne, to tell you he's sorry himself, to tell you how much he still loves you."

"But Josh, Kaleen-"

"Kaleen is no one to him Brynne; trust me, Kaleen is one of those people who will do anything she can to ruin someone's life when they do her wrong. Hell, look at you and Martin - he wanted nothing to do with her anymore because he'd found you, so she did everything she could to ruin that - and succeeded."

"But Kaleen shouldn't mean nothing to him! She's the mother of his unborn child! He should care about her - at least in some way."

"He cares about the baby - but not its mother. She's done him wrong too many times for him to care now, especially after running you out of his life."

"She didn't run me out of his life! He ran me out by not telling me about Kaleen and the baby in the first place! Did he think I would run away if he told me? That I wouldn't be able to handle the fact that he was having a child with another woman?"

"I don't know."

"Well he didn't even give me a chance to try and handle it! Just assumed I wasn't strong enough to handle it! That upsets me that he didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt!"

"He was scared Brynne!"

"Does he think he's the only one who's scared?"

Silence hung between the two of them as Josh stared at Brynne carefully. There was something there; something she'd almost blurted out.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. Too quickly.

"Brynne, what are you hiding?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Josh," she sighed.

"You might not want to talk about it, but it's obvious whatever it is affects you a lot. Maybe you should talk about it."

Brynne closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was getting too close, way too close.

"Brynne? Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"Everyone thinks I've lived a perfect life. That I have everything. They know nothing. Nothing at all. My life's been anything but perfect."

Josh could see where this was going, she was scared of loving too much. She was scared of getting hurt - again from what it sounded like.

"Tell me what's made your life not perfect, Brynne. Let me help you get over the hurt and help you move on. I want to help you Brynne, I want to help Martin."

Somehow he'd made his way from the chair to the couch next to Brynne, laying a protective hand on top of hers. "Please let me help you, Brynne."

His voice was soft and comforting, his presence alone was a comfort; and she couldn't help but feel like she could tell him anything. She wanted to tell him everything. Not a single person knew everything about her past - only bits and pieces.

Maybe it was time to let someone in.

"I was married," Brynne said quietly, testing the waters. She wasn't sure she wanted to go any further.

"Go on Brynne," Josh nodded.

She sighed. "We got married right a couple months out of high school... Jake - he was my high school sweetheart and we were so in love. I was seriously ready to settle down for the rest of my life - and spend it with him."

"Even so young?" Josh asked.

Brynne nodded, "We just knew we could be happy forever together. Some people wait all their lives to find who they think of as their soulmate - I thought I found mine at the age of five."

"Thought?"

"I'm not so sure anymore," she said quietly. Josh didn't say anything to that, seemingly understanding what she was saying and maybe understanding why she was so scared of her relationship with Martin. The last time she'd let herself fall - she'd obviously gotten hurt. He nodded for her to continue.

"Jake had always dreamed of being a police officer; he went to the police academy instead of going to college. After he graduated, he was offered a position in the department here. So we moved here and started a new life in a new place - together. Fusion... that was his baby; his idea, and together we built it into what it is today. His parents had mony - they had a trust fund for him for college - we used that money to build our dream - Fusion. And when he died - I inherited it."

"Died?" Josh croaked.

Brynne nodded and laughed, but there was nothing funny about that sound - it was bitter. "You know it's really funny... his passion in life killed him." She took a deep breath, feeling emotionally drained. "It was his first undercover operation... he infiltrated a drug cartel and was working from the inside to take it down. He told me over and over that it wasn't dangerous; that if anything went wrong they'd pull him out of there before anyone could get hurt. Apparently, they underestimated the drug cartel." There was that laugh again. "He went for a meeting with them one day and never came home." At one point she had turned so she was facing Josh when she spoke to him, Lucky cuddling up to her back.

"One bullet through the center of his forehead - execution style. And what was even better, they hadn't gotten to find out their real identities yet... just their street names. Those bastards killed my husband and yet they're still running around out there, free. And Jake's dead."

She couldn't help it - Josh sat there looking stunned and she leaned forward and kissed him.

*~*

Yikes!  Shit is getting real up in here!