Whole Lot More

Chapter Forty Six

Chapter Forty Six

"Are you actually going to swim, or just sit on the beach in the sun like a girl?"

She slid her sunglasses up on top of her head and gave Martin a look, causing him to laugh. "I'm going to sit in the sun, of course," she grinned, pushing her glasses back down on her nose and taking off on a run towards the sandy beach.

Martin just shook his head and grinned too, it felt great to be in this environment with her; to see her more relaxed than he'd ever seen her before. And that alone made her even more beautiful.

When he came padding back from the salty, ocean water through the sand to where Brynne lay sprawled out on a towel, soaking up the sun's hot rays, hovering over her and dripping cold water all around her body on the dry towel.

"Bry baby," Martin whined, "Aren't you going to come and swim with me?"

Brynne slid her glasses up on top of her head and rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. "I'm enjoying the sun, Martin."

"But I'm bored!"

"Aw, poor Martin. Maybe we should have brought Peyton to play with you, because sometimes I swear you're worse than a little kid!"

In all honesty, it wasn't that he was that bad, it was just he wasn't used to having this much down time to do whatever he wanted to. So now that he had an entire week, he didn't know what to do with himself.

"She would have a blast," he told her, "She absolutely loves the water and the beach. She'd spend all her time here if Deana would bring her."

"Well maybe before we leave we'll have to bring her here with us. Buy her some ice cream, have some fun in the sun and give Deana a little break."

Martin took a seat on the towel beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, placing a kiss on her forehead, "Sounds like a plan to me. Now, are you going to come swimming with me before we have to leave?"

"Are you going to continue asking me over and over?"

"I can be pretty annoying when I want to be," he grinned, "Besides I know if I keep asking over and over, eventually you'll get sick of hearing me ask you to come swimming and you'll just give in."

"Martin!" she whined, "I'm comfortable where I am, and I don't want to get wet! Especially before I have to meet your parents."

"Live a little, baby." And before she knew what was happening, Martin had hauled her up into his arms and was running towards the water, carrying her the entire way.

Sweat pooled on the back of Brynne's neck and the tears cascaded down her cheeks. They had so many good times together and she missed him so badly.

Him.

She wasn't really sure which him she meant or missed more, but she definitely missed both of them. They both haunted her waking and her sleeping hours these days.

She figured she should be used to these dreams, memories, nightmares, whatever they were by now – from the first day she had moved back to New York, she had started to experience them.

The best moments of her life were coming back to haunt her over and over again. Who would have ever seen that coming?

*

"What's wrong?" Brynne asked quietly. They had been sitting down to dinner for maybe ten minutes, and her parents eyes had yet to leave her, clouded over with worry, their food untouched. She knew something was bothering them.

"Sweetheart, you've been here for what, three days?" Brynne nodded. "Well your mother and I think, we think that you're – suffering a lot."

"Suffering a lot?" Brynne breathed, "Of course I'm suffering, the one thing I had left from Jake burned to the ground and obviously things with Martin aren't working out."

"And why are things not working out with Martin honey? We thought you really liked him..."

Like wasn't the word for what she felt for him. "I'd rather not talk about it, honestly."

"Well," her mother sighed, "I know you think you're doing a good job hiding it baby, but we hear you. We hear you every night, every morning, every time you wake up crying in your sleep, and it hurts us so much to hear you in that much pain."

Brynne's head dropped, she had always tried to be sure she was being discreet enough so they wouldn't hear what was going on, and obviously she had failed.

"Your mother and I think it would be best if you were to start seeing a therapist. You've gone through so much Brynne, in such a short amount of time, and we don't feel like we can help you heal. You're so young sweetheart; you should be out living your life, not moving back in here with us and running away from everything. We want to see you moving on with your life."

"I don't want to see a therapist."

"We won't force you Brynne, but just go once and if you don't like it and you don't think it's going to help then you can stop going. Just once sweetie, for your mother and I?"

She sighed, "I'll think about it."

"That's all we ask."

The rest of the meal was spent in silence.

*

Later that night Brynne was in her room staring sullenly at the ceiling. She felt like she was back in high school again, pouting in her room because her parents wouldn't let her do something.

"Why did I think coming back here would be such a good idea?" She hadn't really even thought through the idea before she was packing her bags and leaving Boston. Her mother had suggested it on the phone and Brynne had just run with it.

She picked up her phone and dialed her best friend's number, hoping she was around and able to answer her phone. She was definitely in need of a good talk with her best friend.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Brynne! You're still alive! Jeez, I've been waiting to hear from you for days. You didn't answer my calls..."

"I'm sorry," Brynne sighed, "The last couple days have been... rough."

"Are you okay?" Julie asked, "How are you really? I mean, your club just burned down, the anniversary just passed, things are on the rocks with Martin and you just moved back to your parents' house."

"I'm hanging in there, Jul," she said, "My parents though... they want me to go see a therapist."

"Why do they want you to do that? I mean, I don't necessarily think that's such a bad idea, but what made them mention it to you?"

Brynne sighed heavily, "I've been having dreams or nightmares really. Reliving the best moments of my life in my dreams, but with everything that has happened they're haunting me. Jake, Martin they're both haunting me."

"Do you think talking about it would help you?"

"I don't know," Brynne told her, "It's hard to say, you know? All I do know is that it is going to bring up a lot of things I'm not sure that I want to dredge up again."

"But isn't that what you're already doing on your own in your sleep?"

She hadn't really thought about it that way. "Yeah, I guess."

"My advice would be to go see a therapist once, and if that makes things worse then you don't have to go back again, you can try to heal in your own way and you can get your parents off your back."

"Maybe." She heard something in the background, "Hey, where are you?"

Julie laughed, "Well you see, I'm in North Carolina with Junior. I haven't exactly gone home yet."

"Are you ever going to?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I'm kind of comfortable here."

Brynne smiled; at least something was going right for someone. "Well, I'm happy for you Jules, someone deserves to be happy."

"Speaking of deserving to be happy," Julie said, "What's going on with you and Martin?"

She sighed, "I love Martin, Jules I really do. But I just don't think I am able to forgive him yet..."

"Well how about throwing the guy a bone and talking to him? Not even necessarily on the phone, but just give him something. He loves you Brynne, and I realize he's a jackass for getting skankzilla pregnant in the first place, and then for not telling anyone especially you, but don't you think he may have suffered enough? You left him and you won't talk to him and as much as this wasn't necessarily your entire fault, you slept with his best friend... I mean, I'm not saying come to North Carolina and reconcile right now, but at least talk to him. Give him a chance to apologize and give you an explanation, and this by no way means that I am on his side, just that I've been around since you left and I can tell the guy is beating himself up and suffering."

"I'm suffering too, though!"

"I know Brynne," Julie sighed, "Just think about it, okay? I'm not trying to push you, I just honestly think it will help you to talk to him."

"I will," Brynne promised, "Maybe it's time. I'm going to go though Julie, try and get some sleep while I can."

"Make sure you stay in touch Brynne, I want to know you're okay and I may just have to make a trip to New York to come see you, I miss you!"

"I miss you too!"

Brynne hung up the phone and lay back in her bed, waiting for her exhaustion to overtake her body.

*

Two hours later Brynne still lay wide awake, not able to get to sleep no matter how tired she felt she was.

Something was weighing on her mind.

Martin

She grabbed her computer from the desk in her room and opened it up, waiting for it to boot up. She wouldn't allow herself to think about what she was about to do, afraid she would talk herself out of it.

It was well past time she talked to Martin, in one form or another.

When the computer loaded up, she signed into AIM and waited for her list to come up. Just like old times.

But she was met with disappointment when MTJ wasn't logged on.

*