Lauren Lopez X Reader One-Shots |Requests Open!!|

Don't Be Sorry

      I was laying in bedroom, staring at the wall, on my side. It was mid-day, but thanks to the magic of doors, lighting, and thick curtains, it was almost pitch black. My back was to the door, just in case someone came in. I didn’t want them to see the emotionless expression on my face. Or the occasional random tears.
       I wasn’t feeling, great okay? I didn’t want to be awake. Be asleep. Anything. I just didn’t want to be. I had days like these every once in a while. They sucked and every time they happened, I felt like I wouldn’t get through them. Today was one of the worst days I’d had in a long time. It was so bad I couldn’t even smile and hide it so I bunkered down in my room, hoping my roommates wouldn’t notice my absence. I lived in an apartment with two of my fellow Starkids, Jaimie and Lauren.
      Speak of the devils, one of them had opened the door a crack. I could see the light from the outside of my room up on the wall I was staring at. I saw their silhouette too. Hair in a bun, leaning in, very short. It had to be Lauren. God, I especially didn’t want her to see me like this. She was so amazing and talented and beautiful, and I was nothing. At least right then. I was embarrassed to have her walk in on me. What would she think? I couldn’t handle emotions? I was being a baby? I didn’t know how to act like I was fine? Her every word mattered to me and if she saw me crying in my room in the dark and said I was being stupid, I would have hurled myself off a cliff. I really liked her. My crush could not see me like this.
      I froze and stopped my sobbing for a second, hoping she’d go away. She stood in the doorway for a moment. Longer than I could hold my breath. I let out a shudder of air as quiet as I could. I saw her silhouette flinch, then lean in further.
      “(Y/N)?” I could barely hear her mumble it out. She sounded worried. She shouldn’t have been worried for me.
      She knew I was in there, so I gave up on holding my breath, but I tried to keep it as steady as possible. Which was still pretty stuttery, actually. I felt the bed dip near my legs.
      She put a hand on my waist and whispered, “Hey… (Y/N)? Are you okay? You haven’t stepped foot out of your room all day. I’m just starting to worry, you know?” She shook me a little. I didn’t do anything. She sighed and began to get up. In that moment I realized I didn’t want her to leave.
      I sat up quickly and grabbed her hand, holding her back, “I’m sorry… don’t leave? Please…”
      Her brows furrowed a little, worried, “Of course.”
      I made more room on my bed for her to sit next to me. She looked at me waiting for me to speak.
      “I- um. I-“ I took a shallow breath, “uh… It’s just I’ve been feeling- I don’t know. I don’t feel… right. Ugh I’m sorry this is stupid you can go.” I looked down at my lap, hiding the brimming tears.
      “No. It’s fine. I understand what you’re feeling.”
      “What? You- You do?” I looked up into her eyes.
      “Of course. Occasionally, you just get caught up in these emotions or sometimes you have no emotions at all. Then you just want to be left alone, but you really don’t. You hole yourself up and hope someone checks on you, but you think it’s embarrassing to have someone coming in and seeing you there. You feel weak… helpless… small…” She trailed off.
      “That’s… That’s it, that’s exactly it! Lo, how did describe that so perfectly?” I asked her, surprised.
      “Because I’ve felt it before. All the time really. I know what you’re going through, (Y/N). I can help you a little. I’ll teach you a healthier way to deal with these emotions- or lack thereof. It just takes some getting used to.”
      “You’ve been through this?”
      “Hon, I am through this.”
      “Wow… And- and you'll help me through it, right?”
      “(Y/N). I will be here for you every second. I promise.” She smiled softly and stared into my eyes.
      Our eyes were locked together for what seemed like an eternity. I felt myself leaning so, so slowly towards her, I almost didn’t notice myself. I leaned back quickly.
      “Lauren, I can’t.”
      “What? What do you mean? I’ll be right here, (Y/N).” She spoke up.
      “No, it’s not that. I just. Lauren, I-“ I took a breath, “Lauren… I really like you…” I cringed when the words came out. I looked at her, waiting for a reply. She froze, a small shocked expression on her face. I looked away, knowing what that meant, “I’m sorry.”
      “Hey,” I didn’t look up, “Look at me…” I turned my head up towards her, gritting my teeth. She was smiling… Lauren leaned closer, “Don’t be sorry.” She leaned in further, putting a hand under my chin and our lips crashed. My whole world lit up. Colors flew around us as I closed my eyes. My hand raised itself to run through her hair. Her's held my cheek.
      We pulled away for breath. I smiled, forgetting my worries at least for a minute.
      Looking up at her, I spoke, "I'm glad the feeling's mutual."