Infinite Sadness

Family Feud

The Mask Nab goes perfectly. Dave knocks on the door. Barker answers, annoyed and confused. Willy and Bruddah ambush from the back door. Gadget swings in through the window, Zero springs in through the other. They confuse the stunt bears, snatch the mask, and take off. Great! Or... not. As Zero darts toward the brush carrying his Infinite mask, Barker runs after him. Confident that Tikal will follow his orders and dunk Barker into Null Space, Zero stops in his tracks and faces Barker.

"Come and get it, you ogre-faced carnie," he smirks.

No Null Space. Tikal can't bring herself to participate in these shenanigans. Zero's eyes widen when he realizes Barker's tackle is inevitable. He's given himself no time to react and in a matter of seconds, the two canines are wrestling vibrantly near a tomato vine.

"That mask belongs to me! You owe me, Zero!" Barker yells.

"It doesn't fit your ugly head!" Zero replies.

"I can have it altered!" Barker argues.

"By who? It was custom made!" Zero shouts, grabbing Barker's top hat. "You already have this derpy hat!"

He throws the hat then curls into a ball and wraps his whole body around the mask. Barker tries to pry the mask from his arms.

"You're such a brat! Gimmie back my Infinite mask, Zero!"

"Over my dead body!"

Barker pulls Zero's tail out from under his legs. Zero yelps.

"Hey hey! Tails are off limits and you know it!"

Surprisingly, Barker yelps too and even... apologizes!

"Oh right right, sorry sorry."

"Its okay," Zero assures.

Barker gets on top of Zero and starts pounding him with his fists ineffectively. The newly-formed squad isn't sure how to respond. This fight doesn't seem very... serious.

"Should we help the boss?" asks Dave.

"They remind me of me and my weasel bruddahs," comments Bruddah.

"Barker, you ingrate!" Zero barks. "I gave you your circus illusions now get off of me!"

"You breached your contract," Barker growls. "The mask is my back pay, cousin!"

Zero starts laughing.

"You punch like a ten year old!"

"You smell like a ten year old!" Barker counters.

"Oh whatever, Barker, I smell like a prince! I used Amy Rose's high end shampoo, you peasant!"

Gadget gets between them and pushes them apart, allowing Zero to quickly crawl to the tomato vine, grab a big tomato, and chunk it at his cousin. It explodes all over Barker's clothes.

"Scoundrel!" Barker snarls. "I just had this dry cleaned and I was gonna use that tomato to make caprese!"

"Oh damn," Zero replies. "Sorry, it might still be usable."

"My outfit or the tomato?!"

"Both?"

"It got in my eye! I'm going blind!"

"It hit your chest!"

"Okay okay, that's enough," Gadget interjects.

"You punks stole my mask," Barker scoffs.

"That's right we did!" Willy chants. "Serves you right for not accepting our invitation to join the Lightning Bolt Society!"

"I already told you, I'm not paying eighty dollars for a membership," Barker replies. "That's a complete rip off. Forty dollars would be far more reasonable."

They all suddenly realize that Tikal is giggling uncontrollably and pause to watch her approach them. Barker jumps to his feet at the sight of a ghost but is quickly calmed by her gentle temperament. She points to another plump tomato on the vine, saying...

"That tomato looks hardy. Please, let me use a bit of Chaos Energy to encourage a few more to spring up. A lush harvest as a peace offering. Then perhaps you'll let us keep the mask?"

She puts her palm on the Chaos Emerald in Zero's chest. Then extends her other palm out to the vine. The energy exchange causes the vine to blossom many, shiny, red tomatoes. Barker struts to the vine, impressed.

"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle," he exclaims. "Those are some fantastic powers you possess, my dear. Ever thought about joining the circus?"

Zero territorially blocks Tikal from Barker.

"Don't even think about it. Tikal is already a member of my new squad."

Barker rolls his eyes yet smiles endearingly. A new squad... to replace his departed cousins? A soft spot indeed. Fight's over.

"Oh so that's what this is about. You're introducing me to your new pack. I see. Fine then, I don't need the mask anymore. Besides, it would do you well to have something to compliment those jumbo ears of yours, cousin."

Zero holds up the mask victoriously. His squad cheers, except for Tikal who becomes dismayed as Zero begins to use his Infinite mask to hide his face from the world, yet again. To her relief, Barker's words halt him.

"Oh and Zero?"

"Hmm?" Zero reacts, lowering the mask.

"Sorry about that mess with Eggman. That was... wrong of me. I'm... I'm glad he didn't, well... I'm glad he didn't hurt you."

Zero nods forgivingly.

"I would have deserved it, had he decided to destroy me. Alas, I seem to have a few protective admirers. Ah, but Barker, my only living relative, you should know, of course, that you're a member of my squad as well."

Barker folds his arms yet grins, touched.

"Sentimental, are we? I've always liked that about you, Zero."