Suicidal(ERERI/RIREN)

Want

LEVI'S POV

I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate everything. I hate that even though I want to stay away from that filthy brat I still talk to him. I hate that I keep arguing with myself about being friends with that kid. I hate Eren. With his soft-looking brown hair and his eyes. Oh, those motherfucking eyes! There is no color to describe them. It's like blue mixed with green and gold but with so much more meaning and beauty and emotion. I hate how his eyes shine when he sees me, I hate when those eyes compell me to do something. I hate those eyes and how I always give in to them. I hate that they convinced me to tutor the holder of those eyes. I hate his tan skin and his smile that could stop an army. I hate that grin that is so bright that it makes the Sun look like a nightlight. I hate how fucking perfect that kid is! I hate myself for wanting to find an excuse to talk to Eren. I hate myself for never having the capability to say no to the brat.

I hate myself

I hate life.

I hate Eren.

~~

As I walked into the coffee shop I noticed Hanji and Erwin sitting in a booth by a window. I felt a pang at my stomach when I realized they were probably hanging out without me. I tried to ignore them but then...

"Levi." I silently cursed and turned on my heal to face Eyebrows and Shitty-glasses.

"What?" I asked, trying not to sound hurt and/or pissed.

"We wanna talk to you." Hanji said as she pointed to the seat in front of her, signaling me to sit down.

"I can't I have to work." I said, beginning to walk away.

"No you don't, you are excused for today. Now sit down." Erwin commanded.

I groaned in protest but sat down anyway.

"Why haven't you talked to us?" Erwin asked, getting straight to the point as usual. What? I am the one not speaking to them?

"Excuse you?" I snapped. Do they think they can just pretend that they didn't do anything?

"Why haven't you been talking to us anymore. You talk to Erwin but not as a friend, kind of like a... boss. With more respect and less insults and shit jokes." Hanji quickly replied, her face grew stern.

"Are you serious? You guys are the ones that haven't been speaking to me. What, is this as joke?" I was furious. How dare they accuse me of their doing?! I'm not their slave and I have no reason to take the blame for their shitty choices.

Hanji and Erwin(who was sitting next to her) looked at each other for a long time. They looked like they were having a conversation with their eyes. Like always, they have to leave me out.

"No Levi you got it all wrong. You see-." Erwin started his sentence but was cut off by Hanji who decided she wanted to finish it.

"After Petra... passed away," I lowered my head as Hanji spoke. It was still a sensitive subject for me. "we tried to comfort and talk to you but every time we tried to you always answered angrily and sassily like a skinny bitch on her period. So we decided to leave you alone for a little while because we thought you needed some time alone to figure things out and pull yourself back together. But it has already been 4 months so we thought there had to be something wrong."

I raised my head, my face expressionless. I closed my eyes, and let a relived sigh slip pass my lips.

"Thank god. I thought you guys hated me and thought I was a murderer." I said, opening my eyes once again.