Suicidal(ERERI/RIREN)

Eager?

LEVI'S POV

It is only Thursday morning and I’m so fucking nervous. The date is tomorrow, not today so why can’t I just fucking calm down? That brat really does get me crazy. Just by thinking about him I get… how do people call it? Ladybugs...no, butterflies in my stomach. If I have to admit it to myself, I am kind of happy lately. Finally, finding someone that understands you is one of the greatest feelings in the world. One of those feelings that you just don’t want to let go of. It is just so… so-

“-hello! Levi!” A familiar squeaky voice reached my ears, making me snap away from my thoughts.

“Oh, hey Armin. What would you like for today?” Armin had a worried expression on his face but decided not to say anything for a little while.

“Actually, I just want to talk to you about something. Well, more like someone.” This is something different. I bet it’s about the brat.

I nodded to signal Armin to continue.

“It’s about Eren.” Aha! I knew it! I’m so smart.

“What about him?” I asked, expressionless. Really, I was dying with curiosity about what Armin wants to know.

“Has he been coming here lately to do his homework or just come here at all?” He doesn’t know? Should I lie? Nah, why would I do that?

“Yeah, he comes every day after school and does his homework on that table over there.” I pointed to the oh-so-familiar table and watched Armin follow to where my finger was pointing.

“Does he speak to you  or any other person?” Armin asked, still staring at the table. His face held worry as he looked at it, as if it will break at any moment.

“We talk. In fact, I even helped him with his Algebra homework once. For all I know he doesn’t speak to anyone else... except me.” My voice started to drop at the last 2 words. Can it be possible that the brat only comes here to see me? No, in those days I didn’t speak to him, he still came...maybe he had hope that I’ll start to talk to him again. Maybe he-

“I see. Well, thank you Levi, I really appreciate it!” Armin flashed me a smile before he walked out the door.

Why would Armin need to know all of that? Oh well, not my problem.

 

~~

 Nothing else was different that day. Everything is the same. Never in my life have I had something exciting, something worth putting down my phone for. Everything is so dull, there is no adventure. That’s why I always liked fiction books. The characters always go to amazing places and meet exotic things while I just stand behind a cash register. I want adventure- no, I think I want adventure but I don’t. I want the freedom to have that adventure. The freedom to just forget everything else and do what I think is right.

 I’ve always been stuck in this city doing the same thing over and over again.  I want freedom, adventure, passion and maybe a little danger because that is what makes me feel alive. Having a little fear isn’t bad but kind of exciting. But, no matter how much I want all of those things I can’t have them. I don’t deserve to have any of that. I’ve been imprisoned in this place for as long as I can remember, why do I want to be free now? Wait, I know the answer to that.

 This is all because of Eren. He saved me and then kept getting closer to me. Him and his sense of humor has made me see the world in color, appreciating every little thing because I was so close to loosing everything that night. I think he wants me to  go to that Fair so I  could have some fun and not be so boring. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll have some fun.