Suicidal(ERERI/RIREN)

Hate

EREN'S POV

"So, Eren, you want to go by my house tomorrow?" Armin asked. Since today Mikasa had her night shift cut off early, we decided to hang out together. Mikasa is always busy so we take advantage of whatever chance we have to talk in a group. It used to be all of us but most of time is just us separated. Mikasa is working, and Armin being the smart-ass he is, has advanced classes that are being taught in sophomore year of college, while I'm not doing anything. Like always, Armin and Mikasa have something to look forward to while I'm just...well, there.

All I do is got to school to fail half my classes, go to the coffee shop where the man I saved from suicide is avoiding me and I come home hating myself and try to write my book, which is not even good. My depression is slowly starting to catch up to me, just like I thought it would. But I have to hide it, bury everything deep inside me where no one can find it, where no one can know.

"Nah, I have to pass by the coffee shop and do my homework." At that moment Mikasa popped her head out of the kitchen and rushed over to me. She put her palm on my forehead, then cupped my face and looked straight into my eyes.

"Eren, are you ok?" Of course I'm ok. What's her problem?

"Yeah, why?" I asked as I pushed her hands away from my face.

"You just said you had to do homework. You never do homework." Armin answered as he shot a worried look toward Mikasa.

"That is not true. I do my Marine Bio and my writing homework." I said looking between Armin and Mikasa, which were now looking over me.

"No you don't. You never have writing homework and the Marine Bio teacher sucks. You told us that." Mikasa said, once again examining my face.

"Guys, stop! I always do my homework and I do it in the coffee shop." Realization hit Armin like an unexpected boomerang.

"I get it. You want to go to see Levi." Shit! Stay calm,Yeager. Hide it, deny it. You've done this before. This is easy.

"No! That's not what I meant. I-I-I just want t-to get a n-nice cup of c-c-coffe. You get me?"

"Eren you suck at lying." Really? How ironic.

"Yeah, Eren, just tell us the truth? Do you want to go to the coffee shop to see Levi?" Armin agreed with Mikasa. This is not very surprising, they are both protective and are always looking for "what is best" for me. I knew I wasn't going to get away with this one. I sighed before I answered.

"Yes, I'm going to see Levi because we're friends."

"I don't want you to be hanging out with him. He gives me a bad feeling." Oh hell to the no!

"I don't care what you want, Mikasa! And he isn't even bad!" I said, almost screaming. I don't know where all of the rage came from but it was biting like fire, trying to scape and eat everything in its path.

"How do you know he isn't bad? You have only known him for what? Four days?" Mikasa calmly said. She was right but I wasn't going to just sit there and be told who to be friends with and who not to be.

"So what if its only four days? I know more about him than you and I know he isn't like that." I once again half yelled as I stood up from the couch.

"Look Eren, I know Levi for longer than you have and he isn't one to make friends." Armin informed as he intended to push me back to the couch. He was right. Levi doesn't like new people and I am someone new. Someone who just goes to his coffee shop. I try so hard to approach him, to try to be friends, but he just pushes me away. I hate that. I hate it!

"Ugh! You guys don't understand! Have a nice Friend Reunion night, I'm going up to my room." I said as I darted to walk toward my room.

"Eren-." Mikasa started but I turned around and gave her a look I have never made before.

"Don't disrupt me." I turned and walked away.

~~

LEVI'S POV

I need to stay away from the brat.

I need to stay away from the brat.

I kept telling myself the same thing over and over again. He makes me feel so weird inside. I hate it. It makes me feel weak and stupid. I can't do anything to stop it when I'm with him. I hate it. That stupid kid can't leave me alone even though I've been avoiding him. He still comes and orderers his coffee and does his homework. He seemed so happy when I wasn't there to take his order or tutor. He seemed so ok with it, like he didn't even care. He doesn't need me so I shouldn't need him. He doesn't care so I shouldn't either. But I do and I hate that. I hate that he seems perfectly fine that I'm not there with him.

Eren doesn't leave my mind. There is just some part of me that's mocking me for always thinking about him. I try to distance myself from him but there is something stopping me. There always has been. Something stopped me from trying to kill myself before that night at the bridge. Something stopped me from not saying no to the brat when he told me to not go home alone. And now, something is stopping me from not being friends with Eren. Something is stopping me and I hate that I don't know what it is and why it succeeds. I hate it!

I try to convince myself that he is just a kid. That he is just a customer but it is so hard. I hate it! I hate that the brat makes me feel so free, like I don't have to hide anything. He doesn't make me feel like a caged bird.I feel like if I let him go then I would never get that feeling again because he is like... Like... my wings. The wings that lead me to freedom. The Wings of Freedom. I love it.

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I know that this one is shorter than the other ones but I'm having a little trouble of what to write next but don't worry. I'll figure everything out. You just sit and enjoy.

Thanks, love ya.