Hopeless

Chapter fourty-six

It has been three days now since Magnus talked to Alec. He told him how he got Jace's help, told him how he didn't want to burden Alec and opened up about everything. At least now Alec knew what was going on. Magnus also told Alec that he would have to continue to work as much in order to be able to hit Asmodeus right in his face. Alec felt bad- he still hasn't told Magnus about his health issues. In fact, it was getting worse every day but every time he wanted to tell Magnus he didn't have the courage to. He couldn't just admit his weaknesses. And he couldn't bear bothering Magnus, who has been through so much with his own little issues. It just wouldn't be fair. "Magnus protected me, now I am protecting him.", Alec always told himself when he got doubts. He knew he was doing the right thing. Of course, he knew Magnus had to continue working a lot to ensure Asmodeus wouldn't get suspicious but he still missed him a lot. He admired his strength but alsol he was scared that Magnus wasn't strong enough to bear the pressure. He tried asking him if he was okay a couple of times but Magnus always avoided the topic. Alec even messaged Raphael, asking him to take care of Magnus and to look out for him. "I'll try but I can't promise anything. Doctors are the worst patients.", Raphael replied and Alec was pretty much sure that was the case for Magnus. In that way, they were kidn of similar, he noticed. They both didn't like talking about their problems- not a good thing, he knew. At the moment, Alec was on his way to finally meet Isabelle again. He was really excited on the one hand but on the other hand he was extremely exhausted and his heachache intensified. Alec sighed- he really missed Magnus but he knew he had an extended shift this night and was sleeping at the moment and only coming back tomorrow for lunch. Only a few minutes later he arrived at the coffee shop. He hasn't seen his sister in quite a while so he couldn't wait to finally hug her again, even though his thoughts were still with Magnus and their talk. "Hey there big bro!", Isabelle greeted and hugged him stormily. "You just crushed all the ribs I have left.", Alec laughed and returned the hug. "Don't make jokes about that.", Isabelle laughed and Alec smiled:" It's good to have you back, sis." As usually, they sat down on the sofas in the back of the coffee shop. "Hello, can you order yet?", the waitress asked and Alec and Izzy made their order. "S, how have you two been?", Alec asked immediately, hoping he wouldn't have to talk too much today. "We are good!", Isabelle answered," All of us, of course. SImon and me are obviously really excited, luckily the apartment is ready and the baby is doing amazing. Also, unlike my expectations I feel pretty good. The baby bump is annoying but my body is taking it pretty well." Alec smiled. He really was looking forwards to the baby. "You would be an awesome uncle.", Isabelle chuckled, "You would help with the homework, see its first steps, teach it how to ride a bike..." Isabelle sighed delightfully. It was amazing seeing her that happy. "We will see.", he replied. In that moment, their order arrived and Alec took a sip. Just when he put down the cup, a shiver went down his spine, making the sickness coming back worse than ever. "Excuse me, I'll be right back.", Alec hissed and darted to the bathroom. He could feel his heart pounding heavily in his chest, sweat running down his back, his hands were shaking. He felt tired, dizzy, feverish and sick. Before he would loose control over his body, he quickly braced himself on the sink, the cold porcellain cooling his hands and making him relax a little. The diziness got a little better. Slowly, his heart rate seemed to be going back to normal. "Deep breaths, Alec.", he told himself and sucked as much oxygen is as he could get, then slowly pushing it out. He felt like he was getting calmer and calmer. Slowly, he raised his head and looked in the mirror. He face was covered in sweat, his eyes wide, face pale, his veins were shining through his skin. Immediately, his breathing got faster again. Alec gasped for air, his knuckles white from holding on to the sink. In a quick gesture, he wettened his hands with cold water and tried to cool down his face. The cold water was like millions of tiny needles on his feverish hot skin. Everything seemed to be spinning, just before he fell over, he caught himself, desperately holding on to the sink again. He had no idea how long he has been standing in there. His breath seemed to calm down. "I only have to make it back to the sofa.", Alec told himself. He dropped his back against the wall behind him. His legs felt as if they were about to give in. He knew he had to get going now, otherwise he wouldn't make it back to the sofas. Alec took one deep breath, trying to calm himself and slowly pushed himself away from the wall. One step ahead of the other one. He pushed open the bathroom door and walked out. Step by step. Only ten more meters. Seven. Five. Two. His head was spinning. With a gand gesture he supported himself on the sofa and dropped himself on it. He was safe. "Alec, are you okay?", she asked concerned. "Yes, I'm fine.", he replied, realizing how his voice was shaking. "Alec, you don't look good. What is wrong?" The whole world was spinning. It felt as if someone was slowly pushing a dagger into his head. "I-", he said and everything went black. The last thing he heard was a shriek.