Expression

Chapter Four

Jotaro hadn't been expecting Noriaki to wake up. He especially hadn't been expecting him to kiss him as soon as he did so. He couldn't complain, though. He leaned into the kiss, placing one hand on the back of Noriaki's neck as he did so. This feeling—like the thrill he'd felt whenever he'd sneak a shy glance at Noriaki and find that the other was also looking at him during their Egypt days, one thousand times more intense and yet one thousand times more gentle. As much as he wanted this to go on forever, the two did have to break apart to breathe.

They stared at each other—Noriaki in the bed, leaning up on an elbow, Jotaro kneeling down to be level with him. Neither of them spoke for a while. "I thought you were gone forever," Jotaro finally whispered, looking down. He was bad at looking at people during the rare occasions when he expressed some vulnerability.

"I was–" he heard Noriaki slide out of the bed and sit down on the floor, next to him– "I was lost. Getting rid of the flesh bud doesn't get rid of the emotions it takes advantage of, and..." He trailed off. Jotaro looked up at him expectantly, taking his hand and giving it what he hoped would be a reassuring squeeze. He saw the slightest smile on his face.

"I was lost, and you saved me. Over and over again, I could hear DIO, speaking to me like he'd spoken to me back when– back when– he'd been in control of me. I know it wasn't real, I know he's gone now, but... there are some insecurities the mind has trouble letting go of." He paused again. "Jotaro, you have no idea how difficult it was to deal with alone. I was going to give in, give up. You led me out of there, just like you did when we first met. If I hadn't heard your voice..."

Jotaro pulled him close, embracing him. "I know it can't be easy for you. Listen, Noriaki, I'm proud of you for finding the strength to get out of this. You did that, not me. But if you ever need help, I'm right here. No matter what it is."

"Thank you, Jotaro," Noriaki said, laying his head against Jotaro's shoulder. Jotaro looked down, and swore he could see the slightest sense of hesitation and fear on his face, but when Noriaki wrapped his arms around him hummed happily at Jotaro's warmth, he decided that he must be seeing things.

The floor was cold and uncomfortable, but the two were content to stay there for a while, saying nothing, happy just to be pressed up against the other.

"Hey, um... How come I'm not dead, anyways?"

Jotaro started. He felt a bit awkward about explaining that he'd been the one to save Noriaki's life. He coughed, pulling his hat down over his eyes, opening and closing his mouth several times before finally beginning.

"So. When I was fighting DIO, I had to play dead for a little while. Which meant that I needed to be able to stop my heart, or else he'd have known I was faking. Star Platinum... was able to do this and then start it again. So I can use Star Platinum to control people's heartbeats. I used this to save the old man too, after DIO had taken all of his blood. I figured... I figured it might be able to work on you too. And it did."

He heard a sad laugh. "Jotaro, I owe you too much."

He frowned. "You don't owe me a thing. Why would you think that?"

"You've done so much for me..."
"I wasn't expecting anything in return. I never would. It's enough of a reward to see you safe and alive. Okay?" He stared at Noriaki, making sure he would agree. He caught a little surprised swallow, and then a hesitant nod.

"Anyways," he said, laughing and trying to lighten the mood, "we'd probably better let the doctor know that you're awake. Your parents too. They've been visiting you a lot. I keep running into them, and they're clearly really worried. They'll be really glad to hear that you're okay."

Noriaki nodded, smiling, and stood up. "All right."

Noriaki's parents had rushed to the hospital immediately after hearing the news, and when they saw him they hugged him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. He smiled at Jotaro over their shoulders.

"Noriaki," his father said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go home."

"See you later, Noriaki," Jotaro said, a slight smile on his lips as he nodded at him before turning away.

"How nice of your classmate to come visit you," his mother observed. "He must be a nice boy." He looked down, hoping that his blush wasn't visible.

Classmate. Ah, that's right. The Speedwagon Foundation, not wanting the knowledge of stands to spread, had lied to his parents about the real reason for his long disappearance and later hospital stay. Noriaki, they'd said, had come down with a rare infection that was eating his body. They had been given possession of him, but as his condition was so unstable, even his family could not visit him. They were working hard to save his life, but as this condition was so rare, not much was known about it before, and Noriaki was essentially their research subject. As compensation, his family received healthy sums of money which he was not in the condition to accept. Eventually the infection was defeated, and he was moved back to a hospital near the town to which he and his family had recently moved before this whole event. Still, the infection had taken its toll and left him in a come from which he was unlikely to recover, as well as leaving him with a huge scar on his stomach where the rotten flesh had had to be removed. That was the story. The Speedwagon Foundation was reputable, so his parents had accepted it.

All of this JoJo had explained hurriedly as they had waited for his parents to arrive.

It was a bit funny getting back home. After all, he'd only been there for a day before his adventure with JoJo had begun, and then been away for a few months. It didn't really feel like home. Instead, during this time, Noriaki had learned to feel home around the other Crusaders, especially Jotaro. Home, he'd learned, was not just a place, but belonging.

Although his normal habit was to go quickly to his room when returning home, he didn't this time. The hours passed on and he caught up with everything that had gone on in his parents' lives and the news while he'd been away. It was late, and they went to bed. Noriaki went to his bedroom too, but didn't sleep. He'd missed his parents, he realized, even if they didn't quite understand him because they weren't stand users. They cared about him, enough to move cities so that he could have a fresh start, where nobody knew about his past, knew that he was trans. It wasn't that he was ashamed of himself, but that he just wanted to be treated like any other guy. People who had met him before he'd started passing consistently too often didn't do this.

He wondered how Jotaro would react if he knew... did he know? If he'd used his Star Platinum to restart his heart, maybe he'd noticed that his body wasn't like most men's. And then there was the fact that the Speedwagon doctors would have known, since they'd had to perform surgery on him. Had they told...? Maybe not. They had to respect confidentiality. But...

Noriaki frowned. If things kept going the way they had been with Jotaro now that, whatever they were, they were certainly more than friends, he would have to find out at some point anyways. All of the joy he'd felt at this new closeness with JoJo, the love they felt for each other, came crumbling apart.

Either Jotaro knew or he didn't, and neither one of these was particularly thrilling. If he knows, Noriaki thought, that's probably the only reason why he's acting like this around me. I've dealt with too many men who acted like they were accepting of me just to find out that they viewed me as some exotic female to win over. I never let any of them close, but... I can't say the same about him. If he doesn't, I don't know how to deal with that. Once he found out, he probably couldn't look at me in the same way anymore. I'd lose him. He'd hate me.

As tired as Noriaki was, he couldn't sleep that night. His mind was restless, unable to calm.

If I'd just kept my distance from him, I wouldn't have this problem. Nobody's been understanding about this before. It's ridiculous to think he'd be any different, and even if he was... Would we still even work together anyways? I don't even know what I want in a relationship. I've never thought about it before, never thought I'd get this far, especially with another man. I never should have allowed myself to get so close.

Kissing Jotaro was a mistake.