Expression

Chapter Fifteen

a/n: so i've decided to officially split this fic up into parts, this being the end of the first one (Party Fears Two). i'm copyin araki by naming it after a song, so if you're interested, check out the song. (my personal favorite version is by heaven 17!)

Noriaki was beginning to lose sense of what was nightmare and what was reality. Not that people openly mocked him when he was awake as they did in the world of dreams, not that DIO stood in front of him, but that he could imagine it well enough that it may as well have been the same.

He didn't—couldn't—hate Jotaro, couldn't dislike or even take an indifferent attitude towards him. He adored him, his heart madly and hopelessly ensnared by every little thing about this man. That was the problem. Everything had moved too quickly, a breakneck run that he couldn't keep up. He'd had no time to think about anything, and as long as he was so overwhelmed by the pounding of his heart in his ears, deafeningly loud and terrifyingly fast, he wouldn't be able to.

He loved Jotaro. But that wasn't enough to make this constant worry worthwhile, not enough to make him comfortable to share everything, not enough to ease the fears of rejection and abandonment that made him hide away, retreating from everything.

Love was not a cure-all. Love was a beautiful feeling, and nothing more.

The burning embers of Jotaro's cigarette were the only light, casting a fiery glow that gave a demonic aspect to everything. So dark was the sky that not even the stars shone through.

Noriaki walked up to Jotaro, feeling the warmth that radiated off of him. I want one last moment of tenderness between us... He wrapped his arms around Jotaro, allowing himself to be enveloped by those strong arms in return. They mirrored each other, each one resting his head on the other's shoulder, taking comfort in the presence of the man he loved. They kissed, a bittersweet taste. Noriaki never wanted to take his lips away from Jotaro's and end this beautiful illusion. Only to breathe did they pull apart. The few feet between them was a world of distance.

Jotaro shifted back and forth on his feet next to him. "Noriaki. The moon is pretty, isn't it?" How like Jotaro, even now, to hide behind this phrase.

"It would be, if I could see it." The words hurt to speak. Everything after that damned "I love you," from Jotaro, all they'd built up between them and everything that threatened to tear it down had been unsaid, words they were too afraid to speak. Fitting then, that this rejection, this walling up of their hearts, should too be read in between the lines.

Without turning his head, he watched Jotaro, the barest trembles visible on his face. The cigarette wasn't enough to burn away the tears that hid in the corners of his eyes, afraid to come out.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could say it was. But I can't banish these clouds." He gestured up at the black mass above them, covering everything.

"Yes, but–" Jotaro stared downwards, shrinking away– "You know the moon is just behind them, don't you? If you believed in its beauty, once this storm passed, if you kept watching—you wouldn't be disappointed."

Noriaki smiled sadly. "I'm too afraid. Too afraid that when that happens the moon will be that blood-stained color I always hated, or that it will have disappeared totally. I can't..."

He could feel things crumbling, whatever monuments they'd made to their love being washed away in the flood neither of them would acknowledge out loud even as they sought higher ground to stay alive.

"Well. Anyways," he said. A painful silence.

Jotaro stared at him from the corner of his eye. "You look exhausted,"