Expression

Chapter Thirty-five

Kakyoin and Jotaro spent the rest of their time at the mall silent, but it was a comfortable silence. It was a brief moment where Kakyoin felt that he could truly exist within the presence of others.

He could allow himself to be around them.

Kakyoin dreamed once again. So DIO was there again, yes. And? He had defeated him before, hadn't he? Successfully banished him from his mind for a wonderful period of time. He would do the same once more. There was a rock nearby. Hefty, but throwable. Where before fear had frozen him, he now picked it up and launched it at DIO without hesitation.

Not enough to kill him, but enough to knock him out. Kakyoin advanced, picking up the rock once again, bringing it down towards DIO's skull.

"Kakyoin... I'll be back, you know." DIO showed no fear, only chuckled. And in these brief fractions of a second, Kakyoin realized that he did not care. Yes, so what if DIO returned? Again and again and again, countless times he could make his way back into Kakyoin's brain, tormenting him, and it would not matter. Each time, Kakyoin would fight. Each time, he would defeat DIO. All for those times when he was free, it would be worth it.

There would be other things too, of course. DIO wasn't the only thing that had left his marks on Kakyoin's psyche, and there was a full life ahead of him of many more struggles. But Kakyoin accepted, embraced this. Maybe it was his constant boredom, the anhedonia that plagues him wherever he went and whatever he did, but he found life not in its empty moments, but in the struggle.

He smashed the rock into DIO's skull.

Kakyoin woke up. Light filtered in through the cracks in the blinds, landing on his face. He was to meet with a psychiatrist for the first time today. He was careful with his appearance as he prepared, removing his earrings and setting them on the table. Hopefully the psychiatrist wouldn't notice the small holes in his lobes and ask about them. Would his hair be a problem? For the most part it was like any other mullet, but would the lock hanging down next to his face get him marked as too feminine to be approved for surgery? There was his outfit to consider too; Kakyoin selected the most modest of his clothes, one that wouldn't draw anyone's attention even on a celebrity.

So that was that. Today he would see how things went.

The psychiatrist seemed amused as he watched Kakyoin (carefully regulating his posture and mannerisms) walk in.

"Worried about first impressions?" He asked, extending his hand to Kakyoin with a welcoming smile.

"I—well, that is, uh–" Kakyoin scrambled for words, afraid that he had already been caught out– "isn't everyone?"

The psychiatrist's eyes crinkled warmly. "It's all right, really. Just talk to me about it."

"Er—okay." Kakyoin took in a few anxious breaths, starting from the beginning as he described the inability to recognize his own body and his struggle to live as a man.

The psychiatrist looked calmly over his desk at Kakyoin, occasionally asking a few questions to supplement Kakyoin's narrative, but never interrogating him.

"Thank you, Mr. Kakyoin. I have every reason to believe that this procedure would be beneficial to you. Please note, however, that I am not allowed to operate based just on this. For my recommendation to be accepted, I'm required to do a full assessment of your mental health. I'm also not allowed to make the recommendation after one session alone. In the meantime, this is an intake appointment—we still have some time left. So, is there anything you'd like to discuss?"

Kakyoin was taken aback. He had been expecting someone highly critical, such as his previous psychiatrist, one who had insisted that if he was primarily attracted to men, he must just be a woman, and had asked about his orientation as one of his first questions. This one hadn't even brought the subject up. "I'm not really sure what to talk about."