Expression

Chapter Thirty-four

Kakyoin lingered in the classroom, disappointed by another grade striking a blow at his pride. I shouldn't have gone into art. Clearly I'm not as talented as I had hoped.

Marco approached him. "May I talk with you?"

"Yes. What is it?" He kept a distant tone.

"How have you been lately? You seem... down."

"Ah, do I?" Kakyoin was hesitant to answer.

Marco nodded. "Jotaro was worried as well."

Have they been talking about me? Well, now I feel even more awkward for avoiding him. "I see. It's nothing that bad," Kakyoin assured them. "I'm sure I can get over this soon." I need to put more effort into this. Stop being lazy.

"Do you mind telling me?"

"Just school stress. It's a lot, isn't it?" He wasn't technically lying, he supposed. It was the stress over school which had brought about this episode, after all. Even if it had become so much more, an all-consuming insecurity that left him with not a sliver of confidence in himself.

Marco looked at him with that studying gaze of theirs. "Alright. How busy are you? I was thinking that the four of us could hang out again."

"I have time for that, yes."

They grinned. "Great! Is there anywhere you have in mind?"

"You know... I could use some new winter clothes. Especially now that it's getting colder."

Marco laughed. "I honestly never expected that you'd suggest a shopping trip. But why not, why not? Call me when you have an idea for when, okay?"

"Sure. I will. See you."

Damnit, why do people have to care about me? He picked at his nails as he walked off. Or—no, I'm glad for it, but I don't know how to handle it. I haven't really had people try to talk to me about these things before. Is it okay to talk about these things with people? I've spilled my emotions to Marco before, haven't I? But I was drunk. It's harder to get over that fear when you're sober. Too many thoughts... but they are a friend.

On the other hand, why should I talk to someone about this? I'm just being pathetic.

The thoughts kept bouncing back and forth, and he couldn't stop them. Even when he was home, attempting his schoolwork while listening to his favorite records—his eyes, hands, and ears all engaged—the thoughts didn't stop. His mind had a terrible habit of latching onto things and never letting them go. Not as long as they didn't resolve, which didn't tend to happen for these anxieties.

The phone rang. Jotaro picked it up. "Yes?" he asked.

"Hey, this is Marco. I tried speaking to Kakyoin a bit today."

"Tried?"

"He wasn't super responsive. But he's definitely not been feeling that well lately. He explained it away just as school stress, but that felt a bit evasive to me."

"Yeah. He tends to do that."

"He worries too much about how he compares to other people and how they see him, I think."

"Oh?" It lined up with the small details of his personal life that Kakyoin had let on to Jotaro, but he wanted to hear more.

"Don't you agree? There's that careful politeness he never allows to betray his true emotions."

"That's true," Jotaro reflected. "It was a great mask that would have made most people think he didn't wish harm to anybody, but he was quite ruthless with his stand when we were travelling towards DIO."