Expression

Chapter Thirty-two

Jotaro dreamed for the first time in a while. It wasn't an elaborate dream, not close to anything he used to have. The dream had the illogical quality of all dreams, the strange irreverence for the realities of space and time. He was at some point in the future—he didn't know when—defending his thesis. This was it, yes, get through this and he would be Dr. Kujo, PhD in marine biology. He looked up at the board. At the center was Kakyoin, Avdol and Polnareff to the right, Marco and Elise to the left. The conversation winded about, shifting as everything in dreams shifted.

"Jotaro," Avdol asked, "what does it mean to care for another person?"

Polnareff allowed him no time to answer. "What does it mean to have a friend?"

"What does it mean to let someone in?"—Elise.

"What does it mean to truly know someone else?" Marco continued.

A final question, spoken in the fading moments of the dream. "What does it mean to love?"

He called Kakyoin later that day. Maybe it was a bit overdone, but he wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History. Jotaro told him this, then hung up, not knowing what else to say. He remembered visiting it a few times as a kid. Hell, that's where his passion for biology had begun. What would it be like to revisit that place? He thumbed through a brochure he'd grabbed at some point, looking through it for anything he remembered. But—that nagging guilt at the back of his mind. He was just putting off his time-stopping practice. He'd had to keep his copy of The Origin of Species in another room these past few days in order to keep it from luring him away from what he needed to do. Although that hadn't felt as necessary lately. Once again, he was fling into this pattern of practice. He'd been careful to hide it from his grandfather, knowing that the old man would have something to say about it. He still remembered that conversation they'd had, the explanation that this was from trauma—he didn't care. He wanted, needed, to do this, he told himself.

His tearful moment where he regretted this was all just foolishness, pulling him away from something incredibly necessary. That's what it was. He wouldn't be so harsh to Star any more, though. But the stand still seemed reluctant. This idea which had gripped him hadn't reached the depths of his soul.

He didn't dream for a while again.

The day had arrived. The whole group was to meet at the museum, although Jotaro and Kakyoin met at the subway station. Jotaro gave a curt nod; Kakyoin smiled at him; neither of them said anything as they boarded the train. They had been in the car for at least five minutes before Kakyoin began a conversation.

"How's Joseph?"

"Same annoying old man as ever... from what he lets on."

"Hm?"

"I talked with him a bit. It's not easy for him to deal with, I think. He'd already been through something like this before, and that, y'know... changes you. It can't be great to think you've put something behind you only for it to repeat itself. But I think he knows how to deal with it."

"Go through something enough times, and it'll wear you down. Unless you can pull yourself out of it... but you need something to grab onto. And that's not always there."

"Yeah. Do you think it's ever too late?"

"I don't know. I can't answer for what's enough to truly break everyone, or for if anything can ever undo that. All I know is that there's only one way to find out for myself. And that's to try." He sighed. "Not that it's the most fun thing ever."

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Unfortunately it often comes with sacrifice."

"Probably."