Sands of Time

Beloved

Kohmus relaxed pulling me into his arms and lifting me up like Iweighed nothing, settling me on his lap holding me and playing withmy hair. "My darling Name," he hummed taking my hand in one ofhis, the other wrapped loosely around my waist. "I love you." Hebreathed against my ear and it felt like an electric shock to mysystem from my ear thrumming all the way to my toes.

I knew it, I never really thought about it but I did. He loved,adored, beloved Nerfert who I am the reincarnation of. I am Name, Iam, but I am Nerfert to. But I didn't think that he loved mejust because of that, I could feel his love for me-as I am-the way hetouched me like I was precious, the way those dual colored eyesstared at me when he thought I wasn't looking.

He loved me.

Did I love him to?

I never really thought about it or tried to wonder about it. I careddeeply for him but could I label that as love? There were more thenone way to love, I loved him more than the natural care I would forjust any stranger on the street, I cared for him in a verydifferent way than I did for family members, and I cared for himmore than a friend. But was I in love with him? And even if Idid was I prepared to say the words?

Those words were important, they were precious words, I couldn't saythem without being absolutely sure that I did mean them. That theywere right, it would be unfair to him and myself if I said itand then came to find that I didn't.

To feel love like that, to think that it is returned and that you canbe with them and love them and then they turn around and say theydon't...I never had to feel it and hoped I never would have to butwhat I focused now on was Kohmus and making sure I didn't possibly dothat to him. If I would wonder what it was I'd think that it'dprobably feel like the rug was pulled out from underneath you and thefoundation you built your future on was crumbling all around you andyou were looking around desperate to either fix this-and in thissituation there was nothing to fix because it was never there and youjust thought it was-or find some way to escape it. Either way itwould leave you desperate, desperate to be okay and some would seekcontrol in whatever way they could, some would just try to find acourser-one that I'd be unable to give. It'd be like watching someonestruggling and gasping for breath and not being able to do anything.

No, I'd never do that hell to Kohmus.

"It's okay Name," I looked up seeing the kind smile on hisleathery face, "I don't need to hear anything from you, I just wantyou to know what I feel for you." He promised and he was obviouslytelling the truth.

Though I wouldn't hurt Kohmus, possibly hurt him, by saying somethingthat I wasn't completely sure that I did. I could at least give himwhat I was sure of.

"I...I think I love you." I explain because every beat of myheart seemed to be calling to him, I wanted what was best for him, Itrusted him, I cared for him. I constantly thought of him andeverything pointed to love. But it wasn't enough, it wasn't the yes,I love him. I need him, he is a part of me. It was too early forany of that. "But it's too early for love."

He let out a chuckle and began cooing to me. "Silly Name, love canhappen at any time, Hathor doesn't work on a time line," he kissedmy forehead, I was beginning to get used to the leathery feel of hisskin, even crave it. "But that is okay, I can be patient, my loveis not conditional on you returning it. I only want you to be happy."He promised me and I melted into him even more, I wanted to say itbut something was stopping the words, sticking them in my throat andI didn't want to say them until I was fully ready.