Safe In His Arms.

~CHAPTER TWO~

~CHAPTER TWO~
Jordan P.O.V.
2 years later.

I woke up sweating and screaming once again. The nightmares still haunt me every time I close my eyes and they haven’t lessoned throughout the 2 years of escaping that monster. I am beginning to dread sleep. It’s always the same dream. Either of me waking up and realising that I never left that hellhole and was still trapped with John (my ex-husband), or him finding me and killing me. To be honest I would rather live the second one.

“It’s just a dream Jordan, Just.. Just a dream..” I pant. My limbs still seem too weak to get out of bed so I wrap myself up in my arms and hug my knees, trying to swallow myself up and hide from this cruel world. Yes, a very cruel world. A stupid, mean, unfair and CRUEL WORLD!!!

What did I do? He never did explain what made him so angry that night, or all the other nights that he would abuse me. He would say that he was sorry and promised that it would never happen again, but I know now that he doesn’t keep them.

When I finally thought I had enough strength to get up, I sat up and checked my clock. In bright red numbers it flashed 3am. Arghhhh!!! I still have hours before the shops open. I look over my shoulder at the damp bed and pillows thrown every which way from my nightmares. I started to violently shake again. If I went back to sleep I would be thrown back into my nightmares (or future life). A shower sounded like an amazing idea instead. A long, hot shower.

I got up and walked to the bathroom, locking the door behind me (Yes, I know. I live alone in my apartment yet I still lock my bathroom and bedroom door… I guess old habits die hard) and turn the handles till the temperature is perfect. I then brush my teeth and strip my clothing, throwing them into the hamper before opening the glass door to the shower. Steam already forming and circling my body before I stepped under the hot water, letting the water beat down on my tense shoulders and back. I guess the stress, fear, lack of sleep  and not eating does that to you.   

I let the water run down my body for another 10 minutes before squirting the shampoo into my hands and massaging it into my sculp. After rinsing that off, I did the same to the conditioner, leaving it in a tad bit longer. I then picked up my rose scented soap and glided it along my body before rinsing that off too and getting out of the shower.

I wrapped a towel around my naked body and another around my hair before unlocking the door and walking into my room and to my cupboard. The little clothes that I owned was neatly folded and fitted into the top draw.  I decided to wear my black skinny jeans and a black long sleeve shirt which was a few sizes too big;  ending at mid-thigh and flowing over my hands. I then walked over to my bed side table, grabbing a pair of lacy black panties and a matching bra.

After getting dressed, I dried my hair then walked back into the bathroom, putting some foundation on my pale skin to hide the purple sags under my eyes. I haven’t had more than 5 hours sleep in almost 3 years and it’s killing me. My body screams for me to lie down and my eyes scream for me to close them and surround myself in the darkness, but I can’t… I’m too afraid.

Just then I started to get a little dizzy, gripping the bathroom sink to prevent myself from falling. I held my body up with one hand and placed the other over my eyes taking deep breaths and trying to regain strength in my legs so they could hold themselves up.

I stood there for another 10 minutes before finally being able to get up without the room spinning. I took one last look in the mirror before walking out of the bathroom and bedroom, grabbing my phone and keys on the way out. I walked past my kitchen (empty) dining room and then the lounge room before finally reaching my front door. I walked out and locked the door behind me.

I didn’t have to work today but I needed to get some food from the local supermarket 15 minutes away. I don’t have a car so It take longer to get there. I haven’t eaten in almost a week but I guess I’m used to being starved;  By my John who always told me that I’m fat and need to lose weight, and by not having enough money to afford anything. I struggle but I thankfully have enough to pay for my apartment (which is owned by a nice old lady that expects very little payment). I don’t have enough to buy 3 warm meals a day. I’m lucky to get a meal once or twice a week.

I stared at the ground as I walked along the pathway, not making any eye contact to the people around me. I started to get dizzy again and everything was becoming blurry. No, no, no.. Not here Jordan. Not here where it will only draw attention to you. I started to pick up my pace, franticly searching for an empty ally way while trying to keep from collapsing right then and there.

When I had finally found one ahead, I paid no attention to the people walking around me only trying to get to the ally way as fast as I could. I walked straight into a brick wall landing flat on my ass. “Ouch..” I said, rubbing my butt. Oh no! Everything is starting to go black. I quickly got up, avoiding the brick wall this time and made a dash for the ally. I used the cold wall to keep myself from falling and slowly made my way to the back, hidden by a large blue dumpster. I collapsed just after getting there.