Safe In His Arms.

~CHAPTER ELEVEN~

Jordans P.O.V

The drive to my small apartment was filled with silence. Awkward, uncomfortable silence. I continued to fiddle with my hands and jostle my knee until it became apparent that Mathew was becoming annoyed. I immediately stopped. Not because I believed he would hit or harm me in any way, but because the thought of frustrating and scaring off the only man that calms and sooths me after a panic attack and a traumatic episode breaks my heart. I know, deep down, that nothing will ever become of this new found connection the both of us share. It simply can't for both our sakes. But I couldn't tell my heart otherwise, in which it constantly thumped at the mere thought of him.

It's too soon and yet I find myself comfortable with his presence that I was able to relax further into my seat. I closed my eyes for only a moment, focusing on and surrounding myself in the intoxicating woodsy smell that all but clings to him. It's calming, and it's utterly beautiful. I re open my eyes to see him slightly slouched in his seat, arm casually thrown across the back headrests, close enough to almost touch my shoulder.

As though he senses my stare, he turns and smiles at my flustered face. My breath hitches, causing his smile to form into a large grin, a smirk even. He was slightly teasing me but I couldn't look away. His eyes twinkled in the flashes of sunlight that spilled through the passing trees and I was mesmerized by the beauty of it. His smile slowly faded and we share this moment to take each other in.

He is different from all the rest of them. He is different from John and any other man that entered my life before him... He is just simply different. His presence made me feel safe and safe is something I haven't felt in the longest of times.

We continued to stare, his eyes continuing to twinkle, capturing my own. His smile returned then, it was slow and small but it was still perfect all the same and I couldn't stop my own from spreading across my face. He just had that effect on me.

"Here you go, lady and man. You home now" The Driver interrupts and my eyes fly to the third member in the car. All of a sudden the music comes back and the background noises too. The scenery has changed from the delicate greenery to the old brick building surrounded by weeds and patches of dead grass I was oh so familiar with. My temporally home, If that.

I was embarrassed. Not because of the moment Mathew and I just shared together, but because he now found where I lived and didn't look impressed with that information at all. His smile vanished and his face split into an expression that I couldn't quite make out. My stomach dropped with the assumption that he changed his mind and regretted helping me because of my poor living arrangements and financial problems. He almost looked angry and the feelings in my heart just kept getting larger and larger.

"Thank you" Mathew all but growled at the driver before tossing a $20 into the front seat, muttering something or rather about keeping the change. That made me feel worse. I definitely couldn't pay for the bill now but I both needed and wanted to make it up to Mathew somehow. He has already done so much.

"I'll... Uhh...I'll Pay you back?" I stated but it came out more like a question. I wanted him to know that I wasn't some cheap women he would have to baby and pay for...Despite how true that accusation may be right at this moment.

I never was like this and I am disappointed in the women I have become after my years of living with John. I once was a strong women that had always kept a smile on my face despite what life threw at me. I loved the outdoors and you would always find me sitting below a shadowy tree or in park, reading something or rather, or simply laying beneath the suns warmth while dreaming about the future. Dreaming about the wooden swing I will one day create for myself and for my family. The family that I had always wanted, along with the loving husband.

That man, That monster had changed me and my dreams in so many ways that I wasn't sure the old me was ever coming back. My dreams were corrupted with nightmares and I don't know what the future beholds for me anymore. Families were definitely not in the picture and the depressing thought crushed me despite already thinking of this before.

The tree swing was broken as well as the loving family and husband. It was all gone now and survival and fear is what I was now filled with. Consumed with.

I suddenly felt anger to the man who made me this way. This was shortly followed by shock after the realization that this was the first emotion I have felt for that man besides fear in years. Years.

My face must have showed the shock because seconds after, Mathews worried gaze filled my vision and his lips moved in question.

"Jordan? Are you okay?" He softly whispered while his feather light touch skimmed across my hands. His eyebrows lifted and I realized that I didn't answer him but just continued staring at his complex.

"Yes... Why do you ask?"

"You became silent all of a sudden. I told you that it wasn't necessary to pay me back for the ride home and then you just stared through the front window, not a word spoken." He responded.

"I was just thinking, that's all...I'll definitely pay you back though. I want to." I spoke but then became rigged when a brief memory flashed behind my eyelids. A horrid memory."That is, I'm happy you paid... and all... But I, You didn't have to... And I-" He cut me off.

"Hey, It's okay, I Understand. Take a breath, that's a girl. Now, I was happy to pay and I don't need you paying me back. I did that out of choice, not because I believed in any way that you were forcing me to." He once again whispered softly and his voice was angelic. It soothed my racing heart and I obeyed his suggestion by taking a couple of breaths. He smiled at me and then turned and opened the door. He was beside mine and opening it for me before I had reached my seatbelt. He then helped me out and thanked the driver, who was already in the motion of tearing out of the curb.

What an impatient man.

I stared a long while, even after the car had disappeared from vision before I reluctantly pulled my gaze towards his own.